Woogity
I now live with two drag queens. My life has taken a definite turn for the queer. When i'm not doing something macho, like fixing computers, fiddling with electronics, or playing video games...I sit in the parlor and watch them dance around to music from the fifties, sixties, and now. Sometimes they're in half drag, a boy who's normally two inches shorter than me, towers over me in platforms with a 3/4 wig clipped to his head. Other times one is sewing a new outfit while the other mows the lawn. I don't know why, but they seem to assume that alcohol is the solution to all of my problems. I'm 99.999991% (the same percentage of the speed of light that the particles in the LHC are going to be traveling at) sure that alcohol was the main source of my recent fight with Caleb, but...Caleb's not a factor anymore, and i rarely turn down free booze.
Since i've been dating Shea, i've frequented the bar more (since he works there). I'm still mostly unknown by the bar regulars, but they're starting to notice me. Being noticed gets me free drinks. Within five minutes of walking in the bar last night, there was a drink for me. Two words to someone else got me another one. It brings me the greatest joy, however, when i get free drinks upstairs where Shea usually serves. The greatest part about this is that they don't bring me the drink themselves, they order it from Shea...who then has to bring it to me. This is how it usually goes:
Shea: Here you go, babe. [sets down drink/shot/shooter/whatever]
Me: um...what's this? I didn't order this...[i start to look concerned]
Shea: I know...that guy bought it for you.
Me: oh...cool. I like free drinks! wait...does this mean i'm gonna have to put out? [saying this right when the music stops between songs so everyone hears me]
Shea: Not to him!...but definitely to me...stop trying to make me jealous...
Me: Shut up...put your shirt back on. [raise my glass to whoever bought me the whatever and nod]
Shea: but i make more money when i don't wear my shirt!
Me: well, I get more drinks when i make you jealous...so ha! Wait...that didn't make sense...i get more drinks...when...um. Why do i get drinks again?
Shea: you're sexy
Me: ur drunk! *hiccup* *giggle* [chews on olive from martini and tries to look very serious]
Shea: uh...are you ok? [looking concerned about my drastic mood swing]
Me: ...the LHC isn't really going to destroy the world, I don't think. I think people are just scared and possibly stupid.
Shea:...LHC?
Me:...yeah, but steven hawking says it's bullshit, their concerns i mean. Nick wants to shave my eyebrows, don't let him...or at least beat him up if he does.
Shea: ...are you drunk?
Me: no...this is only my second drink. Oh...tell that guy he's a creeper, but i appreciate the drink.
I am teh winningz.
and for an update on the Caleb situation...
He apologized in a work-email yesterday, sort of. He asked if wanted to go to Target with him after work, since he finally got his giftcard from the president of the company for his birthday. I told him no, and that maybe someday i would be able to be civil around him, but it's still too soon. it then went something like this:
me: the fact that i'm still in physical pain/discomfort really doesn't help
caleb: If i may ask, why are you in physical pain?
me: well, my throats still somewhat swollen, so it's still difficult to swallow. I can still feel where your thumb was. Also, my right knee is still uncomfortable from the the back bumper of your car.
Caleb: oh yeah, sorry.
WTF?! "oh yeah?" really? golly gee, i don't know why you'd be in pain, alls i did wuz strangle ya and hit ya wit my car! dum de dum dum.
idiot.
Later in the day, he hand delivered a typed note that said (word for word)
"I don't know if it's true or not but i didn't think you where the type of person to tell the HOLE office our person life...that stings man, it really does, and even if i deserve it or not...if it is true, then...wel..., i don't think i can be your friend or even talk to you, besides professionally...i thought better of you..., i did...if you can convince me that you didn't tell the whole office then i'll survive..."
my response was along the lines of:
"I told Alison, because she is my friend and we talk about our personal lives in the way that friends normally do.
I told Manager and HR because i feel uncomfortable around you. In being professional, i felt that this needed to be documented and that there needs to be some sort of arrangement where contact between us is kept to a minimum. I also don't find it appropriate for us to be the last two people in the office every day.
The only other things that i have mentioned, to anybody, are about me moving and trying to get all of my stuff. You emailed everybody last month that you would be moving at the end of september and needed boxes. Since most people knew that we were a couple, this was a clear indicator that we had broken up. The fact that i have abruptly moved in the beginning of the month, without asking for boxes or anything, suggests that Something Happened. Also, many people have seen Shea bring me lunch and give me a kiss goodbye, another indicator.
I honestly don't think that Alison, HR, or Manager would say anything to anybody...considering confidentiality is held in a high regard around here. I would just chalk this up to office gossip, and not worry about it."
and why don't you lurn tings? wha happend atcho skoolz 2 make you le stoopidz?
Look at me! I'm one-upping office gossip. I am making this full blown intrawebz gossips, yo.
siiiigh.
[another subject leap]
I decided what i'm going to get Shea for his birthday! This really does require the two months of advanced planning. The first step requires putting all of my cd's on my computer. The second step invloves buying a blue, fourth generation ipod nano. Step three, obviously, is putting all of my music on to the ipod. For step four, i'm going to buy a candy bar (probably reesces) and carefully open the package, remove candy, clean out chocolate bits, put nano in candy wrapper, magically reseal the wrapper, and put a bow on it. Shea really enjoys all of my music, but doesn't know most of it. He's also wanted an ipod for a while...so i figure this a double whammy of awesome birthday present. Plus, it will be fun to see his face when i hand him a candy bar for his 21st birthday.
(knowing him, he'll ask, "what happened to the candy?")
[skipping again]
Leo has been adjusting to living with two kittens. This is a fun and interesting time for him, but he likes to enforce the fact that I am his, and Tatum and Spunky should not seek my affection. He's only been outright mean to them once. Tatum bit his tail, so he turned and gave him one solid thwack to the head. However, most of Leo's defensive actions are rather flawed and ineffective. He'll run away from the kittens for a bit, then lay down on his side and growl. He won't even fluff himself up, or try to act tough...he just lazily lounges about and growls. This is day four for him, and he seems to be much more comfortable. I no longer have to wake up to petty cat fights, or Tatum sleeping on my head. (hi!)
and that's all folks!