are we really happy with who we are?

[acid_rainxix]

it posts a question, deceivingly simple, though well aware of human nature's tendency to over-analyze the slightest perception. are we really happy with who we are? the consolidated answer consists of two to three letters; y-e-s, or n-o. but watch, as the mind goes to work at what it does best: make things complicated.

once again, i'm going to use Jess' trick on this one. if you continue to read, that's completely by your own will. if something upsets you in any way, i'm not to be held accountable for it. your choice, your action, your consequences.

that being said, i'll give a brief update on my life, in bulleted form.

• the main complication i'm dealing with right now is, coincidentally enough, not a new problem. everyone "pfsht"s me for it, but honestly, that won't help. my friends are amazing, and i love them, but i don't think they would be able to tell me if they thought i was right. simply enough, i'm back up to 149 again, and i'm pretty upset. it's not even one of those things where it's like "oh, that's just a number, you still look great." it's not just a number. i don't look great. i don't even look good. i'm upset with myself in part, because it ultimately is my decision of a.) how to view it, and b.) how to change it. i've probably enhanced the former, and had a bit of recourse as to the latter. i started yesterday, and i've been watching myself since then, but i think i've made the wrong choice again. what a surprise. yesterday, my calorie count was around 1555. not terribly bad, seeing as the typical count for a teenager should be somewhere around 2000. today is a different story. granted, it's only 3:36, and i have yet to eat dinner. i also don't have a clue as to the count on my lunch, because it was all rabbit food, as my daddy calls it. produce and what-not. produce itself doesn't have many calories, so it can't account for much. maybe a couple hundred. without that factored in, though, i'm at 600. at 2:30, i felt like shit, so i took a note in the excell book i've got. hopefully i can pick up a pattern, and find some way to eliminate that. i'm still feeling like shit, even though i just had something to eat.
  
• it probably also didn't help that i took my medication at 3:00. oops. i don't even know if i took it yesterday.
• mike's being a bit of an ass to erin recently. i think he's jealous, maybe? i'm not sure why, exactly, but it seems as though that's the case. he's snapping at her pretty often. she's pretty much sick of it, for which i can't blame her. oh well, things will work out in the end. they always do.
• i'm upset about jess' situation. it's not getting better, and i'm worried that it won't. especially if she doesn't talk to someone. even though she says it didn't work before, i think that if she found the right person, it would help a great deal. she won't have any of this, though. we do have a deal, to which i'm holding my end of the bargain. i trust she's holding hers, too.
• i find it funny that my mother points out the random ironies in my life. she noted today that, after questioning my integrity of a similar subject, when nothing was meant by it on my part, someone can go essentially do the same thing they bitched me out for. except this time, instead of subject A (who is close friends with subject C) flirting with subject B on one occasion, who subject C has feelings for, it's subject 1 (who is close friends with subject 3) dating subject 2, who subject 3 has feelings for. smart cookie, my mommy. she was upset, though. i tried to tell her it didnt' matter that much, but she thought i was mental. which i am, so it all evens out.
• this song makes me cry.