oral fixation.
I had a panic attack tonight. My chest shrunk in and tightened up and it started to get really hot. I made Micky come pick me up from the house I was at. She came and got me even though I have been shady with her lately. The energy in the room was too much at the brothers house. I feel like Micheal hates me and wants nothing to do with me. I can feel this invisible force field pulsating around him pushing me out. I honestly think its over Angel. I have seen Angel every day for the past month. I don't know what my deal with this situation is but I just need to get over my little fantasy. I would love and welcome a real boyfriend. I believe my friendship with Angel has sprouted from the pain of being abandoned, even forgotten. I miss tommy and our friendship. I miss him a lot frankly but have just started accepted acknowledging it. Just like Angel misses Micheal I miss Thomas. Thats why I have gravitated toward Angel. He is a constant reminder of what a best friend is. I miss having friends who love me for who I am, who can simply accept my faults.
We have weekend plans to go to the carnival in mexico, la feria. I will finish the role of film in my camera so I can get back into the habit of shooting a role a week. I don't want to forget where I was July 4th of 2007. I want Jessica to come but we all know how reliable that one is.
I still feel like its following me constantly and am constantly trying to get away. At the brothers house and then in the car with the kids who dropped me off at home. Inhaling it in front of my house. In front of the path that leads to my door. In front of my little brothers window. Snorting lines in the shadows of a red moon. Why does coke fulfill our voids. I am so tempted to give in these days and then I think about all the ones who abuse it and it just turns me off. I am like them in the end. I am weak like them. I become something else when I am high. Why are we hardwired this way. Dear God, please send me some acid.
We have weekend plans to go to the carnival in mexico, la feria. I will finish the role of film in my camera so I can get back into the habit of shooting a role a week. I don't want to forget where I was July 4th of 2007. I want Jessica to come but we all know how reliable that one is.
I still feel like its following me constantly and am constantly trying to get away. At the brothers house and then in the car with the kids who dropped me off at home. Inhaling it in front of my house. In front of the path that leads to my door. In front of my little brothers window. Snorting lines in the shadows of a red moon. Why does coke fulfill our voids. I am so tempted to give in these days and then I think about all the ones who abuse it and it just turns me off. I am like them in the end. I am weak like them. I become something else when I am high. Why are we hardwired this way. Dear God, please send me some acid.