Did we create a modern myth, did we imagine half of it?
So monday I had one of those inner battles. It was during an appreciation dinner for Children's Church teachers, assistants, and Nursery workers. I was kind of nervous going because I'm probably the only person there who hasn't gone through SOL and I was afraid that there might a confrontation or they would ask me a question and push an answer from me. But thankfully nothing happened. It was a fun dinner and I got home happy and full. But how long can I keep this up? I feel like I'm acting again, like I can't show my true self because my true self is opposite of everyone else or at least almost everyone in my church. I've done the bare minimum to do ministry work and I don't plan on going any further. I keep using work as an excuse, but I don't know how much longer I can keep using that. I'm afraid to tell the true reason why because I'm afraid that two things will happen: one, that I will be ostrazised or two, that they will tell me that I need to go back to Encounter, which I don't feel that I need to do. That seems to be the answer to everything. It has nothing to do with pride, but I can't always rely on Encounter. It's like, "You have a problem? Encounter is the answer!" whatever happened to prayer. It's so cyclical. I supposedly fall, I go to Encounter, go through the classes, get a cell group. but is that the end? no, I fall again because I'm human. so what happens? I go to Encounter and do it all over again. I don't think this is gonna work for me. What happens when Pastor says that everyone has to go through SOL to participate in ministry? My parents even brought up the possibility of leaving the church for another, more open church. I don't have a problem with this church, I just don't feel like I have to do all these classes and go through all these retreats to participate in ministry. Why can't I just have a heart of ministry? Isn't that all that Jesus asked for? Why does everyone have to have the same vision, the same rigidity that controls everything? Why put limitations? Its really starting to bother me and I'm feeling more inclined to agreeing with my parents. Though I love my church family, I don't think I can stand much more control or handing over control. This may sound like rebellion, but I don't think so. It's like having diverse views is bad when it is in conflict with the Vision. Why can't I question it? Why do I have to agree with everything? Just because Pastor or Charlie say something doesn't always mean its of God, they are human too. Things go bad when everyone agrees without question, that's why communism and fascism failed. People want freedom and individuality. Church shouldn't be fascist, it shouldn't be a government.