(no subject)
sometimes i get this total tunnel vision, where all i can see is what is straight infront of me. i don't care what is happening around me i am just completely focused in. a car could come towards me and i woudlnt know it until it was hitting me. it usually happens when i am angry. i get so upset, so annoyed that i just completely block everything out, or atleast i try. normally i only do it in the literal sense. i forget about my surroundings and only see straight ahead of me but lately it has sort of been happening in my life. i just see in one direction and in a way people are forcing me there and the only time i stop thinking about this one thing is when i am forced to. when i am in another class that actually matters or i somehow distract myself with something else for a little while, but i still am just completely distracted and unfocused on everything else and my grades are starting to slip. and it's so ironic because this one thing that i cant stop focusing on is the one thing where my grades will actually matter. i blame dori for all of this. it started when junior seminar did really and after i had my little interview with her it basically blew up and all over everything making it hard to find my way back to sanity and reality. she has made me so fixated on getting into college, that everything else is beginning to suffer because i am basically shutting down. my fuses have been over stimulated and the brain is beginning to malfunction. more than usual. she made me feel stupid. she said that the schools that i wanted to look at were almost unreachable "they would be tough for you to get into" and then when she started talking about catholic college i was going to throw her out the window! so now with the help of katelin i am trying to find a non-crappy college to get into that has stuff i will like and isn't in the middle of nowhere. (i need noise and people, hate the middle of nowhere) ARRGH!