(no subject)
tonight is one of those nights that are great and terrible, but the terrible seems to overlap the great.
i don't have anyone that i am really close to, who i can run up to and hug and be so proud of for having been so awesome in the play. i mean there are some people that i am sorta close to and maybe i could run up and talk to them but i couldn't tell them things and i don't hang around with them all day and we are always together and stuff like that. no one comes to me for their problems and i don't have anyone i can go to for my problems.
and i am so stand offish. i dont jump into the conversation and i don't feel like i fit in so many places. i am afraid to agitate people and i am afraid to have people mad at me and not want to be around me or to bother with me because i am overly aggressive i guess.
but i wish so much that i could have bravery like some of the other people that i know and i wish that i could just be more comfortable in my own skin and maybe people don't see it and maybe i hide the way that i feel well and maybe so do all the other people that i consider to have all these qualities but i just wish i could have the courage and the bravery that i see in the other people around me.
i also guess i should learn that i must be happy with myself and not worry about the other people around me but the thing is i don't actually want to be alone even though i say i do and i would rather be in my room than say with my parents but in actuality when you are sitting by yourself in a room of people you just feel completely uncomfortable and when you are sitting home alone when you know that other people are out and having fun and being together i just feel crappy and i hate it.
and i think i should just learn to be either happy with the life i have come to lead or just change it completely and do something that isn't me at all.
which do you think is more likely?
i don't have anyone that i am really close to, who i can run up to and hug and be so proud of for having been so awesome in the play. i mean there are some people that i am sorta close to and maybe i could run up and talk to them but i couldn't tell them things and i don't hang around with them all day and we are always together and stuff like that. no one comes to me for their problems and i don't have anyone i can go to for my problems.
and i am so stand offish. i dont jump into the conversation and i don't feel like i fit in so many places. i am afraid to agitate people and i am afraid to have people mad at me and not want to be around me or to bother with me because i am overly aggressive i guess.
but i wish so much that i could have bravery like some of the other people that i know and i wish that i could just be more comfortable in my own skin and maybe people don't see it and maybe i hide the way that i feel well and maybe so do all the other people that i consider to have all these qualities but i just wish i could have the courage and the bravery that i see in the other people around me.
i also guess i should learn that i must be happy with myself and not worry about the other people around me but the thing is i don't actually want to be alone even though i say i do and i would rather be in my room than say with my parents but in actuality when you are sitting by yourself in a room of people you just feel completely uncomfortable and when you are sitting home alone when you know that other people are out and having fun and being together i just feel crappy and i hate it.
and i think i should just learn to be either happy with the life i have come to lead or just change it completely and do something that isn't me at all.
which do you think is more likely?