Milestones - 8 weeks and 10 years
8 Weeks
I've now been a non-smoker for 8 weeks. It's been a crazy ride - for the most part it's been positive - everyone's been very supportive and positive about it. The extra money's great and physically I feel much healthier. Even better (for me at least!) my voice is returning - it's stronger and therefore I can put a bit more texture in it. Of course nothing good comes without cost - I'm on medication for anxiety and depression again (though again, this has both good and bad points - I'm sleeping better and it really takes the edge off cravings etc). So overall it's a plus. I'm lucky that I found a medication which doesn't turn me into a zombie or stifle my empathy (when I first had to have anxiety medication back in 2002, the first couple of types I tried really knocked me around). On these I still feel creative, and I don't have that attention deficit thing that some meds give you, so I can really get on with doing some of my art and music stuff.
10 Years
Today is the anniversary of me leaving England. 10 years ago on 23rd September I hopped on a plane at Heathrow after saying goodbye to my mum and dad. So much has happened since then - on both sides of the world. My Nan died, my sister married and had 3 kids, I got divorced, I became the daddy to two delightful kittens who've grown into beautiful cats. I've lost friends - Terry and Kev, I've made new ones - Sam, Susie, Justin and Shane, Mick, Nums and the kids, Mandi, Squish, Georgie, Dent, Batty and co online... I've got some great toys (my guitars, PC, music gear, the Wii) but miss being able to go to the boot sale and pick up spectrum stuff for pocket change (over here... no spectrums at all). In the last 10 years I've matured as a person and as a songwriter. I've learned a lot about who I am and what makes me tick. I've finally given up smoking just recently as it was a crutch not part of who I am, but conversely I've had painted toenails nearly every day of that 10 years as I realise that that is part of who I am.
I'm 34, and I've now spent a third of my life - the whole of my adult life really, disjointed from my family and my roots. I think I'm doing OK, though there's a few things I really need to knuckle down and do - I really want to own my own house so I'm not renting the rest of my life, I really would like to become a husband/life-partner and a dad - some things you can work towards and then see what the universe provides I guess.
So I cast my mind back 10 years. I remember turning and waving to mum and dad, trying not to cry, going through the gates and finding the first toilet I could to have a cry. I don't remember anything else until getting off the plane at Kuala Lumpur - the sky thick with smog due to the raging fires all over malaysia, and the air heavy and humid as the air conditioning was broken. I remember finding the smoker's lounge as I had a 4 hour stopover. I remember befriending an aussie girl on her way to Sydney after working in England for a year, and another Pom who was off to Melbourne to be with HIS new wife - we bonded over a beer - he had malaysian money but no smokes, I had smokes but no malaysian money. Next memory is coming down through the clouds over Australia - the sun's angle was turning them to gold, it was beautiful. It truely felt like the dawn to end all dawns. The beginning of a new life. I remember the aussie bloke in customs ("Moving to Brissie eh mate? Good onya!"), the sniffer dogs who took an unnerving interest in me ("Don't worry mate, if he's wagging he just likes you"), and the sign that my ex-sister-in-law had printed out welcoming me to Australia which was the first thing that my eyes managed to focus on - then Sandra was there in a wheelchair as she'd just had an operation. Then going over the Gateway Bridge heading for Wynnum - I didn't even see the city that time though it was right there in front of me from the bridge - I only had eyes for Sandra. That was my first morning in Australia. Of course things changed - things that were astounding (the heat, the blue skies, the laid-backness) became commonplace, feelings changed, situations changed... It's been 10 years after all, everything changes. Even me.
So here's to the next 10 years. May they bring everyone their fair share of happiness and joy, and may the clouds pass without more than a shower.