sing it like i think it
I keep hearing ‘Hey porter, hey porter!” as I try to come up with things to write. Deciding on a college is big freaking deal. I went to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania for a weekend, visited, and left. I went feeling hopeful for the 2 day break from a back-breaking work schedule and I left with a gray brain with a side of downtrodden-ness. There’s nothing wrong with the Art Institute I guess. The whole time I felt like you pay to have your creativity sucked from your bones to be replaced with a bunch of selling tips. I’m afraid things are getting so out of hand...I hurt.
I was happy to see my grandmother’s flat landscapes because at least she’s not trying to make a statement or impress anyone, or anger anyone, annoy, hurt, startle, ANYONE. She doesn’t make artwork to make other people thing differently. She doesn’t paint to feed the fuel inside because she’s so DAMN CREATIVE. I don’t know why she does it. I don’t care WHY she does it. I care that she HAS done it, her doing these paintings makes it something she left behind. She created and left behind. How stunning she is, how lovely!
I bought my first digital SLR on Thursday. Almost a thousand dollars to fuel my own obsessions. I should have given it away to the poor. Keep the books but give away the glasses. Keep the paintbrush but give away the paints. Keep the gasoline but give away the car. I took a picture of the most beautiful rainbow in the world. I saw it from end to end, right in front of my eyes. From a forest to the left to a field on the right. Pure colored and round-right.
You were wrong about me.
Melinda’s birthday happens to have already passed but we’re celebrating at home-group on Tuesday. Ha! Guess what we bought her.... a Playboy bunny pillow. Zack bought me a book with a bunch of photos from unknown makers. They make me lonely ‘cause I’m not in them. Do I listen to music that makes me think? I don’t know...Ha!
Son, they will hate you because they always hated me.
I don’t turn my music up loud. I can’t dance alone because I feel eyes. I pretend I’m someone else. I’m friends with people that don’t exist. I have family members that don’t exist. I pretend I’m famous for making music. I pretend I’m famous for taking pictures. I pretend I’m smarter than I am...like in math. I walk around and feel nothing in my legs. I miss people the way they were before. I hate a part of everything in the world. I love everything in the world for no reason. I’ve never felt rejection from God. I don’t feel beautiful anymore. I feel more like a girl.
MewithoutYou makes me feel like myself. How am I not myself? Seriously...
I was happy to see my grandmother’s flat landscapes because at least she’s not trying to make a statement or impress anyone, or anger anyone, annoy, hurt, startle, ANYONE. She doesn’t make artwork to make other people thing differently. She doesn’t paint to feed the fuel inside because she’s so DAMN CREATIVE. I don’t know why she does it. I don’t care WHY she does it. I care that she HAS done it, her doing these paintings makes it something she left behind. She created and left behind. How stunning she is, how lovely!
I bought my first digital SLR on Thursday. Almost a thousand dollars to fuel my own obsessions. I should have given it away to the poor. Keep the books but give away the glasses. Keep the paintbrush but give away the paints. Keep the gasoline but give away the car. I took a picture of the most beautiful rainbow in the world. I saw it from end to end, right in front of my eyes. From a forest to the left to a field on the right. Pure colored and round-right.
You were wrong about me.
Melinda’s birthday happens to have already passed but we’re celebrating at home-group on Tuesday. Ha! Guess what we bought her.... a Playboy bunny pillow. Zack bought me a book with a bunch of photos from unknown makers. They make me lonely ‘cause I’m not in them. Do I listen to music that makes me think? I don’t know...Ha!
Son, they will hate you because they always hated me.
I don’t turn my music up loud. I can’t dance alone because I feel eyes. I pretend I’m someone else. I’m friends with people that don’t exist. I have family members that don’t exist. I pretend I’m famous for making music. I pretend I’m famous for taking pictures. I pretend I’m smarter than I am...like in math. I walk around and feel nothing in my legs. I miss people the way they were before. I hate a part of everything in the world. I love everything in the world for no reason. I’ve never felt rejection from God. I don’t feel beautiful anymore. I feel more like a girl.
MewithoutYou makes me feel like myself. How am I not myself? Seriously...