its a pity party and you're invited
so right now, i'm home, sitting in my room with my newly accessible wireless internet, and drinking myself silly. partially because i'm sad and despondent, but mostly because i'm just plain fucked up. it's funny sometimes, when i do this self-reflection thing. it never turns out in a good way, because i don't much like who i am or how i've turned out. i had such high hopes for who i'd be, but it never turns out quite like the movie you've envisioned your life to be. that might be the main problem in things, thinking my life is like a movie, with sunshine and happy times at the end. struggle struggle and struggle some more, maybe one day you'll be worth it.
ugh.
insert a deeply heaved sigh here. i forget what it means to drive my own life, instead delegating the task to circumstance and events upon which i have no control over. somehow, i need to focus what tattered remnants of resolve are left and push myself towards who i know i can be.
all of this is really pointless conjecture really, because we all know my propensity towards procrastination, most especially anything that may evoke a life-changing event.
i guess mostly, i'm just lonely. i have people, people i care about and who care about me. but sometimes i feel like everyone else has their own best interest in mind and there's never a selfless act when you need one.
really, i should just end this before it dissolves into coherency. i'm back online world, watch out.
the diatribes may never end.
ugh.
insert a deeply heaved sigh here. i forget what it means to drive my own life, instead delegating the task to circumstance and events upon which i have no control over. somehow, i need to focus what tattered remnants of resolve are left and push myself towards who i know i can be.
all of this is really pointless conjecture really, because we all know my propensity towards procrastination, most especially anything that may evoke a life-changing event.
i guess mostly, i'm just lonely. i have people, people i care about and who care about me. but sometimes i feel like everyone else has their own best interest in mind and there's never a selfless act when you need one.
really, i should just end this before it dissolves into coherency. i'm back online world, watch out.
the diatribes may never end.