(no subject)
Ok, by the time it has been two years since i went to Thailand, i will already have started giving serious consideration to going back and make some sort of mental plan.
I've been having many more vivd memories of Thailand. I'll get flashes of them during the day. I'e been giving some thought to it lately, going back. It might be because school is stressing and dissolusioning me. I'm really burned out and i'm realizing more that Thai was a time in my life when i was free and when i actually felt free. I didnt' realize it at the time but i did. I didn't realize tha i felt totally free but i knew it was awesome and fucking holy shit fuck this is so graah. It's what i feel now wanting to go back, every time i think about it i have an instant pulling. It's like i'm caught on a lure all of a sudden.
I just get flahses of the countryside, walking around, or streets of bangkok, and at every one of those times i was doing something, even though i really was just walking around or looking at something. This is crazy how it captured me, i was awespired all the time, it was just like wow. I'd look at everything around me and what was happening with a dropped jaw. Holy crap, i can't believe i was there, for 3 months. That was like a different lifetime, it's like here this is my odl continuous life, and then there's these 3 months of my life, which seems so short, that were a different lifetime probably packed with more stories, memories and everything then my other life all together.
I was so young too now that i look back. That was my step into the world, i guess i have a head start then everyone else, it's liek i experianced life on my total own, and only at 19. I really was doign everythin on my own. for 3 months i wasn't in one place for more then a week and everywhere i went i had to find a place to live, whenever i got there, i found ways to get places, i did everything on my own. Damn, not to yank my own chain but shit. I got so caught up here in the safe confort of college, the studying, but yet totally protected. I feel like i'm still living under my parents becuase they're paying for everything, giving me money for fuckign food. There i was living off of what i made, that was self earned money, and my parents had no control over what i did. I mean they have much less control now, but that was just so different. I feel like a gimp with all this work on my shoudlers, all these classes i feel like i'm tied down by an anchor, it's such a mental claw. i've forgotten what i's like to be free damn it, and i wanna go back! Mother fuck fucker, sweet shit.
Something's gotta give out, i've been on a downslope lately, with school and so with everything. I was so much more motivated to do everything, to live, when i had much more work. it's funny the more work you do the more you appreciate life, although this was too much , i didn't have time to appreciate life, i feel like that stage has ended, i've been slackin, it took me 4 days to do a paper i could have done in 2 nigths.
I need to get that back. Tv has been captivating me lately, through this whole year i gave a shit about tv, i'd sit and watch for 5 minutes, get bored and go to study, now i can't stop when i sit down. I'm being pulled down, but i'll pull back. After finals are over i just found out i have a week or two where nothing is gonna be happening. Max Rich and Joe will be gone, so i'll be in Pittsburgh alone, i'm sure alot of ppl i know will still be here but it won't be like it's been this whle year where we all hang otu in the house, having a good time. It'll be really nice outside. I'll walk around alot, i'm gonna work 40 hours a week but i'll ahve time all weekend and nights, with no more school work it'll be weird. But i'll read books, i'll try to find something that'll be interesiting to think about or do. I'll stat looking into travelling, i'll go to some art galleries, fix my bike and ride around pittsburgh. and of course get udderly smashed at night.
I've been having many more vivd memories of Thailand. I'll get flashes of them during the day. I'e been giving some thought to it lately, going back. It might be because school is stressing and dissolusioning me. I'm really burned out and i'm realizing more that Thai was a time in my life when i was free and when i actually felt free. I didnt' realize it at the time but i did. I didn't realize tha i felt totally free but i knew it was awesome and fucking holy shit fuck this is so graah. It's what i feel now wanting to go back, every time i think about it i have an instant pulling. It's like i'm caught on a lure all of a sudden.
I just get flahses of the countryside, walking around, or streets of bangkok, and at every one of those times i was doing something, even though i really was just walking around or looking at something. This is crazy how it captured me, i was awespired all the time, it was just like wow. I'd look at everything around me and what was happening with a dropped jaw. Holy crap, i can't believe i was there, for 3 months. That was like a different lifetime, it's like here this is my odl continuous life, and then there's these 3 months of my life, which seems so short, that were a different lifetime probably packed with more stories, memories and everything then my other life all together.
I was so young too now that i look back. That was my step into the world, i guess i have a head start then everyone else, it's liek i experianced life on my total own, and only at 19. I really was doign everythin on my own. for 3 months i wasn't in one place for more then a week and everywhere i went i had to find a place to live, whenever i got there, i found ways to get places, i did everything on my own. Damn, not to yank my own chain but shit. I got so caught up here in the safe confort of college, the studying, but yet totally protected. I feel like i'm still living under my parents becuase they're paying for everything, giving me money for fuckign food. There i was living off of what i made, that was self earned money, and my parents had no control over what i did. I mean they have much less control now, but that was just so different. I feel like a gimp with all this work on my shoudlers, all these classes i feel like i'm tied down by an anchor, it's such a mental claw. i've forgotten what i's like to be free damn it, and i wanna go back! Mother fuck fucker, sweet shit.
Something's gotta give out, i've been on a downslope lately, with school and so with everything. I was so much more motivated to do everything, to live, when i had much more work. it's funny the more work you do the more you appreciate life, although this was too much , i didn't have time to appreciate life, i feel like that stage has ended, i've been slackin, it took me 4 days to do a paper i could have done in 2 nigths.
I need to get that back. Tv has been captivating me lately, through this whole year i gave a shit about tv, i'd sit and watch for 5 minutes, get bored and go to study, now i can't stop when i sit down. I'm being pulled down, but i'll pull back. After finals are over i just found out i have a week or two where nothing is gonna be happening. Max Rich and Joe will be gone, so i'll be in Pittsburgh alone, i'm sure alot of ppl i know will still be here but it won't be like it's been this whle year where we all hang otu in the house, having a good time. It'll be really nice outside. I'll walk around alot, i'm gonna work 40 hours a week but i'll ahve time all weekend and nights, with no more school work it'll be weird. But i'll read books, i'll try to find something that'll be interesiting to think about or do. I'll stat looking into travelling, i'll go to some art galleries, fix my bike and ride around pittsburgh. and of course get udderly smashed at night.