Vanity and Patience (24/?), Part I of II

[achelle1317]

Title: Vanity and Patience
Author: Achelle
Category: Books, FanFiction - Twilight
Rated: NC-17 or MA
Genre: Romance, angst, smut, Pre-Twilight/Midnight Sun
Status: In Progress
Characters/Pairings: Emmett/Rosalie Canon Pairings
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, and its characters, or plot. The characters, books, and plot are property of Stephenie Meyer. I make no money from writing this. I just love Twilight.
Warnings: Rated NC-17/MA for a reason. Some chapters may contain adult language, violence, assault, and sexual content. Lemons in future chapters
Summary: Rosalie is content to live her vampire life to its fullest, regardless of her resentment to her immortal situation. One day while hunting she comes across a dying man with an innocent face that she cannot resist. In an act of strength, she brings him home to change him into one of them. How does the vain and selfish Rosalie deal with an irrational newborn vampire who can’t see past his lust for blood to even notice her? Will she be able to swallow her pride and have the patience to stand by him? Will Emmett be the man who can change her life for the better? All Chapters are Rosalie's POV.

Chapter 1
Previous Chapter

AUTHOR'S CHAPTER NOTES:

Chapter specific warning: Lemon Squeezes! Sex is most surely implied in this chapter, but not in full detail.

To my beta for this chapter: cfmom, who kicks other beta’s asses with her kickassedness, thank you for always pushing me to be my very best, no matter how much I might resist.

To my Mikey, who is my rock, and the best, most supportive boyfriend ever. And now my FIANCE! I love you!

To my readers, I apologize sincerely for the delay. The holidays happened, and then I got engaged, so I’ve been submersed in the wedding planning. It took a while for me to find Rosalie’s voice and Emmett’s dimples again, but now that I have, I’m glad to be back.

For those of you who have been reading V&P since the beginning, I’d like to announce that I’ve gone back to add and/or improve the first half of my story. Please feel free to read the newly edited versions of Chapters 1 through 9 (revisited from early as August to November).
Playlist:

• Story of the Year - Anthem of Our Dying Day
• Incubus - The Warmth
• Musiq Soulchild - Teach Me
• Backstreet Boys - All I Have to Give
• Black Eyed Peas - Meet Me HalfwaJagged Edge - Let’s Get Married
  

 Chapter 24: The Question

The loss of my parents was still painful, and I thought about them every day. My human memories, foggy and blurred, were becoming more and more distant as I tried to recall them day-by-day. With the exception of the events that lead to my last day as a human, my specific memories had been reduced to flashes of faded pictures. However, I was beginning to accept that part of it. I guess there was a reason for these memories to when you’re a vampire because you’re life inevitably moves on with your life anyway. I tried to grasp that reasoning, hoping that would help me cope with my anger for the loss of cherished memories of Richard and Anna Hale.

My mind had been a swirling mess since then, as their death reminded me of the world that I longed to be in-the human world, now a coveted dream that I desired beyond any rational thought. I caught myself daydreaming, lost in the fantasy of what could have been had I not been found by Carlisle. I imagined many scenarios, all with various and impossible endings. I contemplated the funeral I would’ve had if Carlisle had not found me that fateful night; with me being put to rest forever. I fantasized meeting Emmett on a chance encounter right before I was to take a walk down the aisle with Royce, running away with him to live somewhere happily ever after. But most of all, I dreamed about an alternate life away from all of this, where I could be human, and start over again, and have it end with marriage, a family and children. I desired my own child. I desired to be laid in peace, and put to rest for all of eternity.

The grief of my loss and the dissatisfaction of my life as a vampire were painful and dull, but slowly, they became secondary to another pressing issue: Emmett.

It was had been six days since Edward confessed that Emmett knew that I’d give him up to be human. Six days of knowing that he knew I’d give him up for my mortality, yet he never displayed any anger or disappointment about the issue. In fact, it didn’t seem to faze him one bit. However, I found it hard however to believe that he wasn’t bothered at all. I couldn’t comprehend that a fact like this could be taken with a grain of salt-like it was nothing. I felt complete and utter horror to know he was aware that I even had such thoughts, especially considering how wonderful Emmett was to me.

On the other hand, I wasn’t going to apologize for the way I felt. I had to be honest with myself, as well as with others and the way I felt about my state of being. I would give anything to have never been a vampire at all. It was the truth, no matter the consequence. I was who I was, and I wanted to accept it with no drawbacks. The only thing that made it somewhat embarrassing, and in turn made me remorseful was the fact that he knew, and I was unaware of such a fact until Edward confessed to Emmett’s knowledge. In all rationality, it was silly of me to feel this way. Of course Emmett of all people would know. He had demonstrated how well he knew me, and how much he paid attention to my every move.

It didn’t soften the anxiety I felt about things that were left unsaid-the knowledge that he had taken it so easily. It would have been easier to take if he demonstrated some sort of heartache or displeasure towards me, but there was absolutely no negative reaction.

For the last few days, I waited. I waited for the anger-the confrontation- any sort of reaction to indicate he wanted answers; but there was nothing-he treated me no differently than before. And that wasn’t all. In my embarrassment and guilt, I had grown a bit ill at ease around him, and in turn distanced myself from him after a certain amount of time spent together. I was almost sure he was pretending to be all right with the situation-his one true love wishing she were somewhere else, and ready to bargain her life with him if she could have her wish. Being around him, I’d watch him out the corner of my eye in anxiety as I expected him to bring it up on his own. It wasn’t my intention, but these last few days I had stayed away when I could. I knew that if I didn’t explain things to him soon that I might make problems worse, but I was being a coward. How could I face him? How could I justify myself as worthy of his love when we both knew that I’d freely give him up to become human again?

I was sitting at my vanity after a day of hunting with him and Edward, and attempting to learn baseball with them in a rare summer storm. Emmett was very set on helping me keep my mind on off my grief, and became determined to show me new activities, hoping to spark my interest in a hobby. I tried my best to keep an open mind, forcing a smile through it at first. I played sports during gym class in high school when required, but nothing more than that. Also, I had to try to remember to be grateful for his patience and gentle manner in which he handled me barely three weeks after the death of my natural parents. However, I knew that I was mostly complying out of guilt.

To my surprise, I actually found liked baseball. It fed my competitive nature, and provided an outlet to utilize my superhuman abilities their fullest potential. It was unfortunate that such games weren’t possible unless the weather allowed it. The loud thunderous crack of the ball against the bat of a vampire’s swing dictated that there was no other possible time to play except during thunder storms. It was a shame, since the game almost made me forget my problems.

Almost.

During the game, I would still observe Emmett from the corner of my eyes, trying to pinpoint if he demonstrated any sign of resentment towards me, but nothing came of it. I tried to ask Edward directly, but he avoided eye contact with me for that very reason, never responding to any of the silent questions that I shot his way. It frustrated me at first, but I concluded that Edward felt he’d been in the middle too much and wanted to just stay out of it.

The three of us returned to an empty house, while Esme and Carlisle attended a dinner party with a few important members of the Lonesome Pine Hospital staff. I immediately hopped into the shower, slipping into my silk kimono afterwards, and sitting at my mirror to comb out the tangles in my hair. My face, still beautiful, looked different. I had never felt more beautiful in my life then when Emmett looked at me, but right now I looked like a girl who was… ill at ease. I wasn’t used to feeling this insecure, and I hated it.

There was a light tap at my door. “Hey, can I come in?” Emmett asked, poking his head through the half opened door.

A pang of nervousness twisted in my stomach. After spending a few hours with him, I felt the need to be alone. Watching him all this afternoon was exhausting enough. I was sure he had caught onto my routine by now. Obviously, it didn’t stop him from trying.

“Sure,” I said, hoping my reluctance wasn’t evident in my voice.

“Ey, there pretty lady,” he said with a smile. “Join me for a chess match?” Though his eyes were gentle, a moment of insecurity flickered across his face.

Damn it.

My stomach twisted uncomfortably again. He knew that after an afternoon with one another, that I wanted time to myself. He had given me that much space the past few days, attributing it to my grief. Though some of that was true, and I was clearly still mourning my parents, I knew that my guilt over how I felt about this life was the main reason. As much as I wanted to join him in anything, my mood wasn’t exactly geared towards strategic thinking for a game of chess, or pretending that things were all right. I tried to keep my face as pleasant as possible. “No, I’m fine,” I answered. “I’m sure Edward would want to… or maybe Carlisle when he returns home?”

“Hmm,” he breathed. He looked thoughtful for a moment. “Cards? We can play poker. Or maybe we could go outside and practice pitching? No using the bat of course.” He watched as my face gave him a timid but disinterested smile in response. “Or even take a walk?”

“I don’t know…” I mumbled, grinning apologetically. In fact, it was more like a wince.

He sighed. “Another night cooped up in your room again?” The corners of his mouth curled downwards. “C’mon, baby. I hate seein’ you like this.”

“Emmett-” I began, but he cut me off.

“I can’t help but feel like something’s wrong,” he stated, another flash of insecurity crossed his godly features, sending a pang of regret to my heart. This was no surprise to me. He was bound to catch on that this wasn’t about my parent’s death anymore. He knelt down next to my chair, leaning his head into my face. He nuzzled his nose against my cheek, inhaling the scent of my locks of hair. “Did something happen? Did I do something?”

The heat of his breath weakened my knees. His questions, however, had a different effect. I couldn’t help but speculate for a small instant he was fishing to see if I’d fess up, though I know he seemed concerned that he may have done something to upset me. Clearly he had to know I was feeling guilty. Could Edward have mentioned to him that I knew of his own knowledge into my thoughts?

I shook my head immediately. “No, you did nothing wrong.” And he really didn’t. I was the one with the problem. He was just so… kind. Too kind. “It’s nothing.”

He tilted his head, leaning down to get a good look at my face. “Baby, just tell me what has you so stressed out. Please? Is something bothering you?”

“Yes. I don’t know. I-maybe.” My answer was nervous and jittery, as I found myself desperately grasping for how to respond. I wasn’t sure how or even if I could discuss my dilemma with him, though half of me knew that I needed to. I needed to talk to him, but I feared it as well. I was confused. As much as possible, a large part of me didn’t want to shed any light on the subject, much less put it in the forefront of our conversation.

“Hmm,” he pondered. “Well, maybe I can help relieve the stress for you,” he offered, his voice husky, with a mischievous little twinkle in his eye.

I sighed, my face falling. I shook my head. “Emmett, be reasonable.” I began to feel a bit irritated at his persistence, but I tried to calm my temper.

“I am,” he urged. “We don’t have to do everything. We can just work on you, and make sure you’re… satisfied.” I looked at his adorable face, and even though the touch of his hand on my thigh ignited a fire inside me, I was still overcome with a wave of guilt strong enough for it to consume me. “However, if you feel we should do everything, I’m game for that, too,” he continued, his voice getting raspier with every word he spoke.

I pressed my lips together. It had been well over three weeks since we were last intimate, wrecking the living room to pieces. Grief had played a great deal in my temporary distraction from sexual desire, but I was beginning to believe that remorse was starting to play a part in it as well. I leaned in to place a chaste kiss on his lips before I replied, “I’m sorry, Emmett.”

His face fell, and I could have kicked myself for rejecting him. It wasn’t how I wanted to treat him, but I just couldn’t comprehend how he could still want to do anything with me after knowing I’d leave him to be human. “Rosalie-”

I placed my hand on his cheek, my index finger against his lips to shush him. “Baby, you should go and spend time with Edward,” I suggested, in a lighthearted tone.

He made a sour face, clearly still set on his request.

Letting go of his face, I let out an exasperated sigh. “Emmett, Edward’s home. We’d have no privacy. And Carlisle and Esme will be here any minute. Besides, how will we go about doing such things in the house without destroying something?”

“Hey, practice makes perfect. And Edward would understand,” he pressed. “I bet if we work on it, we can learn to control our passion and not destroy anything.”

I didn’t reply to his persistence, hoping that my silence would be enough of a response. I looked away from him, lost in thought. In fact, mind was racing with many thoughts, far away from my bedroom. This happened a lot since our return from Rochester, my thoughts always drifting to a place I wish I was. Why couldn’t I have met him when I was human? The family we would have had, the beautiful children we would have raised. I frowned suddenly. The thought would be so perfect except for one small detail. Would I have been able to push aside my materialistic aspirations long enough to recognize my soul mate in Emmett back then?

We sat in silence for a few moments as I stared past him. I felt his eyes studying my features-my demeanor. My eyes switched to his face for a moment. This was how he knew. This was how he always knew my every reaction, my every feeling. I sighed as everything came into clarity. This was how he knew that I’d leave him and all of this life to be human again. He studied me-adamantly paying the utmost attention to every detail about me.

I turned to the mirror, staring at our reflection-the beautiful blonde princess with her loving, brawny, dark-haired knight in shining armor kneeling beside her. His gaze was still fixed on my face, and my eyes were glued straight ahead at the reflection.

My Emmett.

He was always so chipper, and it baffled me. He knew I’d surrender my life with him in order to be six feet under, and yet he’d still want to touch me like he does. I didn’t get his understanding nature.

His eyes followed mine, now looking at me through the mirror. “Rose,” he began, “it’s just that we haven’t… you know… in a while. I was thinking maybe that’s what you need. You’ve been so melancholy lately, and I’d love to help lift your spirits.” He turned his head, and gazed at my face before he added, “It would certainly lift mine.” His hand instinctively moved up my thigh a few inches.

I stiffened, my body reacting immediately to his touch as I moistened at my core. My mind, however, was much more composed. I took his hand and pulled it off my thigh, holding it in mine.

His nose flared. “Hmm,” he murmured to me in a seductive purr, his lips against my earlobe. “That tempting scent tells me yes.”

Though I shivered at the sensation of his lips against my ear, I couldn’t let it happen. “Emmett,” I chided, rolling my eyes.

He let out a sharp breath of frustration. “Is this about your grieving? I mean, maybe I’m pushing you too much. I don’t want to push you if you’re not ready.”

I turned up the corners of my mouth in gratitude. “Thanks, Emmett,” I muttered, squeezing his hand that held mine.

His face fell further. “I see. Look, I don’t want to do that to you. It’s not my intention to push you. I just… I think that maybe some physical… intimacy is what you need… to help you. I read in one of Esme’s magazines that the physical contact could actually assist in softening grief-something that you dames sometimes need to help you through it. I’m really not thinking of me-honest,” he said, holding his right hand up, palm forward.

I shook my head again with a pleading arch in my brow, keeping my apologetic smile on my lips.

His features suddenly shifted, to one of utter irritation. “All right, that’s it,” he growled. He stood up suddenly, pulling my hands as they held onto his towards my window. His brows were furrowed, the skin between them in a pucker, his face in a scowl.

“What is it?” I asked, as he yanked me onto my feet, his face frozen in that scowl, not looking at me.

My stomach filled with butterflies of uneasy dread.

He had finally snapped.

This was what I had been waiting for-the moment I had anticipated and agonized over these last few days. I’d finally pushed him to his breaking point.

“Come with me,” he urged in an almost icy, flat tone as he pulled the window open, leaving one hand gripping on my arm.

I gazed at him, shocked. “Where? You know you can’t leave,” I reminded him.

“I can’t leave the house, no, but he never said anything about sitting on top of it. Now, c’mon,” he coaxed as he began climbing out the window, and scaling the house wall to the roof. His voice sounded irritated, a sound that I wasn’t used to anymore.

I hadn’t heard it since his early blood-crazy days, and I in turn felt uneasy. I looked down at my attire, suddenly embarrassed. Poking my head out the window, I turned up towards him. “Emmett, this is absolutely absurd. I’m barefoot and in a robe. You expect me to-”

“What are you waiting for?” he interjected, his voice forceful. He was upset, and I was suddenly alarmed. “Come on up here,” he ordered. He held his hand out to help me, though I didn’t need it.

Reluctantly, I followed, knowing this would come up sooner or later. My mind was split in half-one side ready for this to be over, and the other still not wanting to face him.

Effortlessly, I climbed the wall and joined him on the inclined rooftop, turning my head to follow his eyes. I gasped at the sight. The night sky was clear, all the stars like visible diamonds that were tossed in the velvety navy blue blanket above us. Beneath them were silhouettes of mountains, rolling hills, and valleys, punctuated erratically with lights of nearby towns. To my right I could make out the distinctly brighter lights of our nation’s capital, only a couple of hours away. Washington, D.C. and its metropolitan area was ablaze with life. “Wow,” I gasped.

Emmett snorted, unimpressed. “Never been up here before, I take it?” he asked.

“No,” I replied, my eyes sweeping the perimeter of the roof. The lights from the neighboring cities danced and burned like fire in the night behind the peaks and dips of earth. It was lovely, but the scene was disrupted when my eyes fell on Emmett’s posture.

“Of course not,” he muttered to himself. His hands were deep in his pockets, and his body was slightly slouched. He never slouched. He stared out into the night with a straight face, the hint of the scowl still there beneath his composure. “So are you gonna tell me what’s been bothering you?”

Though I knew I should speak, I answered the way I always did when confronted. “I… I don’t know what you mean.”

“Rose…”

My mouth opened several times to speak but I just couldn’t. I just watched the slight rise and fall of his shoulders and back as he breathed; his brawny silhouette in front of me. I realized quickly that couldn’t feign ignorance like I usually do when I’m confronted by someone. Emmett was much smarter than that, and knew me all too well. “I…,” I began, but I didn’t finish. I was too busy still trying to find my courage.

He shook his head, his eyes switching to me for a moment before turning back out into the night. “I don’t want to pretend that I don’t notice a change in your attitude. Something’s going on.”

“I don’t… know what to say,” I said, finally. I realized I should start by being honest.

It was a long moment of uncomfortable silence before his deep, gruff voice broke through, cutting through the night like a knife. “I feel like you keep me at arm’s length. You let me hold you, but don’t return my affection completely. You sit next to me but it’s like you’re not there.”

At that moment I was thankful I couldn’t see his face. Something told me his expression would have me hating myself.

“I know that your loss has hurt you,” he continued. “But at some point I think… there has to be more from you… more effort. Something’s wrong here, and I don’t know what it is exactly, so I can’t repair it.”

“Emmett… Emmett, I’m… sorry.” My voice was small and weak.

He sighed, shaking his head as if to shake off his thoughts. “Please, don’t apologize.”

“But I should…”

“Rose-I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be upset with you. I’ve lost people close to me before. I know how it is. And I want to give you the respect… the patience… the space. But at the same time, I’m trying my best to be accommodating to you, and lately it’s like I’ve become a nuisance to you. I know that you’re grieving, and I’m disappointed in myself for not being more understanding.”

“Emmett…”

He raised his hand, palm forward, finally turning to face me. “Please, let me get this out.”

I nearly crumbled as I took in his frustrated expression. He looked fed up, yet something about him amazingly still remained sweet and kind.

“I’ve never felt so…. helpless before,’’ he continued. His voice was straining as he struggled to find the right words to express himself. “It’s not even like the time where you were so upset with me about marking you. At least I could apologize for that, and try to make things right, because I knew what was wrong, and it was my fault. I knew it was me who had to fix it, and I knew how to fix it. But this…” he shook his head, his brows furrowing together. “This is beyond my control.” He walked over to the corner of the roof, looking the other direction. “I don’t know how to make it better for you, Rose.”

I shifted my weight on my feet, uncomfortable. I hated when I was at fault. I hated hearing what I’d been doing wrong, and how it made me feel. However, this was much worse. I was hurting Emmett far more than I had ever intended to. I had avoided him because of my guilt and embarrassment of his knowledge of my deepest desire to be human at any cost, worried that I was causing him pain. Instead, my avoidance was causing him deeper pain.

His eyes switched to me then, catching my small movement. “I’d like to know what you’re thinking. You aren’t talking, and it makes it all the more difficult for me to try to fix it.”

I sighed, feeling my legs beginning to tremble. “It’s nothing that needs fixing, not on your part at least,” I offered, but I didn’t elaborate much more.

He stared at me a long moment with skeptical eyes. “Is this about your brother and Janice? About the baby?”

My face twisted with pain. “No,” I whispered.

“See…” he mumbled. “It’s written all over your face and yet you still deny it. Why can’t you admit it?”

My guilty conscious rendered me unable to speak.

“Rosalie, I’m not Edward. I can’t read your mind.”

I was thankful that he wasn’t Edward. It was bad enough that he was this perceptive. “But you can,” I finally said. “You may not literally read minds like Edward, but you can read me.”

“So I’m right then?”

“Not completely,” I began. “It’s not exactly my brother and his soon to be wife and child. It’s more… what I want-what I would give anything for. And just… the fact that you actually know how I feel and what I want, yet you pretend you’re okay with it.”

“Pretend? Who said anything about pretending? Baby, I know what it is you want… more than anything in this world. Trust me, I’ve always known. I saw the way you looked at your brother and his woman. And knowing how you feel about this life, it’s not hard to guess. I know you want all the things being human could bring… family, children, getting older, being put to rest after living a full life. I know that.” He walked toward me, his face a foot from mine. “Is that why you’ve been distant? Because you thought I was pretending?”

I hesitated for an instant, my mouth opening and closing several times as I tried to find the right words to articulate how I felt, and why I’d acted the way I had the last several days. “I guess I’ve just been… embarrassed. How can I face you after…”

“After what?”

“You said you… you said you can read it on my face.” I hesitated for another moment. “Are you going to force me to say it?”

“That you’d give up everything? Trade in all of this life for your old one?”

I looked away, wanting to crawl under a rock. He spoke that fact so easily, as if it was so obvious, that it made me feel more remorseful. How could this not hurt his feelings?

“Rosalie, I know that you’d give anything to be human again. I would give you up if it meant that you could have what you wanted-a normal life.” He took a step toward me, his eyes searching my face. “If it would give you your mortality again, I’d let you go.”

I bore down on my teeth, staring at him incredulously. Somehow, hearing it from his mouth, turned around, hurt me worse than my thinking it myself. “You don’t mean that.”

“But I do.”

“So you’d… you’d leave me?”

He chuckled, beginning to pace around me. “No, that’s not what I said. I wouldn’t leave you. I could never do that. It’s not in me to leave you,” he said, his eyes following me as he walked around me. “But if you wanted to go, especially to get your humanity back, I wouldn’t fight you. I’d do anything to make you happy, even if it was giving you up.”

My stomach rolled in guilt. I began to secretly consider that I didn’t deserve him, but that wasn’t something I’d ever admit out loud. I was selfish enough to take it. I could apologize for how I shamelessly would leave him to be mortal again, but while in this life, there was no way I’d let him leave my side.

“I just don’t understand,” I said, shaking my head. “I can’t comprehend as to how you could take this so easily-without any anger; without any hurt?”

“Of course it hurt,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone, his eyes intent on me with loneliness. “Who wants to know that their dame would rather be somewhere else? That they would leave you to get what they wanted?”

My stomach twisted uncomfortably in reaction to his confirmation. “Emmett-“

“But I can’t just be mad at you forever,” he interjected. “It might’ve hurt for a second. It may have been painful for one tiny moment, but let’s face it. It was no surprise to me that you felt that way. I knew that you see this life as a prison. It’s no secret to anyone how you feel, even though you don’t vocalize it often.”

I sighed, shaking my head. “I just can’t get past… How could you not be upset with me? How? Why aren’t you disappointed? I’ve been waiting for almost a week to find some sort of reaction from you. I had to practically push you for it.”

“Because…” he said, letting out a humorless chuckle.

“Because what?”

“Because you’re you!” he exclaimed in a tone that gave the “of course”, gesturing towards me with his large hands. “You’re Rose! You don’t like to be immortal. You don’t want to be a vampire. You never wanted this life. I’ve always known this. I knew this far longer than you and I have been together. You view all of this as a prison with no way out.”

I gazed back at him, entranced by his awareness of me once again. This wasn’t the first time that he’d shocked me, and I shouldn’t feel surprised, but I could never find him more amazing than this moment.

He stared back at me, his face smoothing out into a gentle expression. “It’s exactly what drew me to you.”

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Your reluctance for life gives me something to chase after. A hero needs a purpose. They need someone to rescue-someone to help. Not someone to pity, mind you. I never pitied you,” he corrected himself. “I want to be there to rescue you, to help you break out of prison. Help you realize being a vampire isn’t the big house. You were my damsel in distress, and I was that hopeless cat of a hero. Since even before I rescued you from Victor, I always knew I wanted to rescue you from whatever walls you built around yourself in your resentment in what Carlisle put you in.”

I sat myself down on the roof’s shingles, trying to process what he was saying. Though I’d always known it in my heart, I couldn’t believe that he could love me that much, and accept me for absolutely everything I was.

“But you have to know,” he continued, “I was never angry about it… nor was I pretending to be fine about things. I was never even mad at you-not about what you wanted, not about how you feel.” He walked over to me, taking a seat by my side.

He kept himself faced forward instead of at me and continued. “What has me upset right now is how you’ve retreated from me. Your distance is what bothers me; after all I’ve tried to do with you. Like I said, I’m trying to be understanding during your time of mourning, but I need something to let me know I haven’t totally lost you, babe. I mean, give a cat a break once in a while. It’s taken all of me to not be an insensitive jerk and say something wrong to get on your bad side. I mean, your withdrawal is what’s so disappointing. It makes me feel… inadequate-like I can’t do anything to make it right for you.”

I shook my head to myself, catching the frustration in his features. I was wretched. I turned to him and placed my hand on the side of his face, turning him to look at me. “Oh, my sweet, darling Emmett. It’s not you, or anything you need to fix, or do right.” I took a moment to turn my head to gaze at the aggravation of his expression further.

“You’ve always done right,” I assured him. “In fact, I’ve been distant because I’ve just been so ashamed of how I feel; embarrassed and remorseful really that it could hurt you. After all you’ve been to me, after all you’ve done for me, that I could have these feelings and desires to be elsewhere. You don’t know how guilty I feel, and how mad I am at my own self for it. And I don’t want to feel guilty for it-for feeling that way, for wanting what I’ve always wanted. It’s the truth, and I don’t want to feel sorry for the things I want. But on the other hand, I don’t want to hurt you with it.”

He laughed humorlessly. “So you punish me about it? Avoid me and frustrate me in the process? That doesn’t exactly make any sense.”

“I’m not punishing you,” I corrected him. “That’s not my intention at all.” I sighed, giving it some thought before I spoke again. “I guess I’m… sort of… punishing myself.”

He placed his hands on my shoulders. “Then stop,” he said with another chuckle. “Stop torturing yourself over nothing. Being a vampire is absolute. So this trading your life to be human thing… It’ll never happen, so there’s no use in crying over spilled milk… or blood if that suits you better. I know it does for me.” His lips twitched as he spoke, the dent of his dimples hinting in his cheeks.

I smiled but it didn’t reach my eyes, with his mention of the fact that it’ll never happen. Though I knew it would be healthier to be realistic, I was still struggling to cope with such an absolution. And above it all, I was still skeptical, still unconvinced that it was just that easy-him taking my desires so lightly.

His brows slowly arched in a pleading manner, studying my expression like he always does. “I just wish you wouldn’t try to condemn yourself to misery when you can have so much happiness. One silly doll, you are. Here I am trying to give you the world, yet you have to fret over something that we’ll never have to worry about.”

I gazed into his warm, tangerine eyes, now intent on me, and I knew he was right. “I guess I have a lot to learn,” I sighed, “especially from you.”

He smiled a first sincere smile, flashing his bright, perfect teeth at me. His dimples framed his plump lips. “One thing I’ve learned these last few months is that love ain’t exactly a walk in the park, baby,” he replied. “It’s work. I work for it everyday.” His eyes, citrine flecked with the crimson of the farmer’s blood, locked with mine, searching them for something. “Won’t you?”

I furrowed my brows. “Won’t I?”

“Work for us,” he completed my question. “It’s the only thing I ask of you. What I need from you is to work with me. This life has a million possibilities. And I promise you that I accept you for all that you are. Your faults make you who you are: what you love, what you want, what makes you happy.” His hands slipped from my shoulders up to either side of my face. “You and I, we have a long life ahead of us. Help me make it a good one.”

His large, puppy-dog eyes, soft tangerine pools of unselfishness, stared back at me as he awaited my response, and immediately I was heartened. “Of course I’ll work with you, Emmett.”

He pressed his lips against mine, soft, but deliberate. He pulled away to lock his gaze with mine once more.

I beamed at him. “You’re wonderful,” I whispered. “Thank you for just wanting to fix things, even though it’s not your job to do that.”

“Hey,” he breathed. “It’s what I do.” He secured his arm around my frame, and though he smiled, his eyes were still slightly troubled, as if he wasn’t completely convinced that I’d let everything go.

Hours later, Esme and Carlisle had returned home, and we were back in the house. I decided to nurse my obsessive-compulsive disorder by rearranging my armoire and my closet. However, Emmett’s face with the apprehensive look in his eyes was a repetitive picture in my mind. When I was done folding the last silk scarf in my armoire, I decided it was time for a grand gesture.

But what could I do?

As I knelt in my closet to arrange my shoes, I considered this further. Emmett was worth so much more than what I’d displayed these last few days. I’d been too blinded by the guilt that I felt to be completely considerate and grateful to him-and I really needed to show him how much he meant to me. I mulled over ways to convince him as I categorized my footwear.

The best choice was one inspired by Emmett himself. I could hear Emmett in his room two doors down from me, and I thought there was no time like the present. I zoomed quietly down the stairs, stepping out of the back door and into our yard. I studied the back of the house and identified his window immediately before scaling the wall, wrapping lightly on his windowpane.

Startled, his head flinched when he looked to see me smiling on the other side of the windowsill. He slid the window open with a smirk on his face. “Hey, hey, pretty lady. Fancy meeting you here,” he greeted me, his eyes full of mischievous delight. He must have sensed how awkward and uncomfortable it was for me to hang off the wall as I waited to gain entrance into his room. “You could always use the door, you know,” he said, imitating my tone when I’d said that to him once before. Clearly, he was stalling.

“I figured I’d try to come in the way you do,” I answered, impatiently motioning with my body that I wanted to hop in.

“What makes you think I’d let you?” he teased, clearly enjoying himself.

I grunted. “Emmett,” I chided. “Let me in.”

He let out an exaggerated sigh, jokingly. “All right,” he chuckled and stepped aside, holding his hand out like a gentleman.

I took his hand and hopped in, my eyes sweeping the perimeter of his room, completely curious. It was never proper for me to be here, considering we weren’t married. As a proper young lady of society, I’d never allowed myself to step past his bedroom door, much less a good look of his living quarters.

I made note of all the details. With the help of Esme’s design sense, he had chosen burgundy, gold, and ivory for his room. The furniture was standard Cullen-style, with the deep mahogany wood. He had sports paraphernalia everywhere, with action books, a deck of cards sitting on his nightstand, as well as some jacks and a ball.

“Oh, that’s right. You’ve never been in here,” he realized, as he took note of my blatant observation and current fascination with his private space.

I shook my head wordlessly as I stepped over to a shelf that displayed a baseball card collection. “When did you start this?” He had all the Major League Baseball greats lined up on little stands from the last five years.

“Some of them are from my human days,” he explained, softly as he stood behind me. “They were in my pocket when you found me. Others I had Edward find or trade for me, since I’m not allowed to go and do those things for myself.”

I turned to him with a grin on my face. “I see.”

He smiled back, but he looked a bit confused. “Aren’t you not supposed to be in here?” he asked.

“Well, there was never any said rule,” I replied. “I just didn’t want to be improper and frowned upon. An unmarried girl in a boy’s room-certainly forbidden.”

He bit his lip suggestively as I said my last phrase. “Mmhmm,” was all he said, but that sound proposed a million naughty little possibilities. “We sure are behaving badly tonight.”

I felt a tingle in my body at the thought, but I composed my face, and raised my chin in response. I narrowed my eyes, a smile playing at my lips. “No, you need to behave,” I instructed him.

“I’ll do my best,” he breathed, but his voice was husky. He was able to shake himself out of his lustful trance as I began to read the titles of the books he kept in his room: all in the genre of mystery, suspense, war, and heroic tales. “But really, what are you doing in here?” he pressed, curious.

I smiled coyly. “I know that I gave you my word that I’d work with you and try to see the best in life like you want me to, but you didn’t seem… persuaded.”

“No, I believe you,” he replied, his brow arching quizzically at me.

I pressed my own brows together in doubt. “Do you?”

He sighed, his face smoothing over to one of hesitation. “Well, that doesn’t exactly fix everything right away. I just… I felt like I was losing you one moment, and it was hard to completely overcome that feeling.”

“So you’re completely convinced that I’m going to make an effort towards us? Without a doubt? With no need of any other assurances?”

“Well if you’re suggesting you’d like to assure me right now, my room is the perfect place to do it,” he chortled stepping before me and wrapping his arms around my waist. His eyebrows wiggled suggestively.

“Emmett,” I dissuaded, pulling away, but chuckling despite myself. “Be serious. I want to make sure that you know I meant what I said.”

He straightened his face immediately. “It’s not that I don’t believe you. I just worry that you might mean it for a little bit, and then you’d eventually fall back into that routine… and at some point I can’t help you, Rose. It’s something you’ve got to do for yourself.”

I placed my hand on his cheek running my finger on his skin and tracing the dimple that dented slightly as his mouth frowned a bit at his thoughts. “Baby, I know. And I’m going to work on it. I promise.”

“Do you?” he asked, his eyes full of hope. “Because I’ve missed this. I know it’s only been a few days of your estranged attitude, but I’ve missed us in even that short of time. I’ve hated the way things have been.”

I encased his face into both my hands-his time, my thumbs gently caressing his skin. “I know. I’ve missed us, too. And I’m so sorry… so sorry for the way I’ve treated you. If anything I should have reacted the exact opposite. I should be grateful towards your acceptance of me, and all my shortcomings.” I took a huge breath at my next thought. Without thinking, I blurted, “I honestly wonder sometimes if I’m… worthy of you.” I managed to mumble the last two words hesitantly, unable to look him in the eye.

So much for never admitting it out loud, but this was Emmett. He knew me inside and out. There were no secrets when it came to him.

He stepped forward, closing the distance between us and leaning his forehead onto mine. “Hey, silly. That’s not true at all. You may be the most impossible, stubborn broad I know. But what’s crazy is that you give my life direction. You give me a purpose. It’s a two way street. I may accept your pitfalls, and work hard to make you happy, but without you, my lust for life wouldn’t have a path. It’s taken on a very defined route since I’ve known you, and I love that feeling.” His hand reached up to my cheek, the pad of his fingers caressing my skin.

I popped my head up at his response, and my heart swelled with warmth and relief. I was positively elated hearing what he had to say, and he’d never told me anything about that before. I gave Emmett direction in his life-served him for a greater purpose-and he loved it. “I love you,” I breathed, without thinking.

His eyes softened immediately. “I love you, too.”

I threw my arms around his burly frame, rubbing my face against his chest, the ridges of his muscles felt through the thin cotton of his shirt.

I heard him breathe a sigh of relief as his arms raised to return my embrace.

“Please don’t ever think that you’re not worthy of me,” he muttered. “You’re worth every breath that I take in trying to win you over.”

Overcome with gratitude, I turned my head up and crashed my lips into his, finding his cinnamon-sweet succulence, and immediately becoming rewarded with his eager compliance. We moved against each other eagerly. He pulled my lower lip between his teeth, sucking on it lightly as I ran my fingers through his dark locks. His hands, resting on my ribcage ran up my sides and cupped around the gentle weight of my breasts.

I gasped in his mouth, un-tucking his shirt and slipping my hands beneath the fabric. I ran my nails along the silky smooth skin of his muscular back as I felt his mouth leave mine, beginning a trail down my neck.

“Emmett,” I mumbled, my breathing labored.

“I know,” he whispered. “Not here,” he said, and he edged us over to the open window that I had climbed into, scooping me into his arms before he hopped out into the yard.

He landed on his feet softly, setting me down on the grass. From there, he led me into a secluded area of our estate, just behind Esme’s rose garden. He smiled coyly as he picked me up, swinging my legs into his arms before placing me on my back on the grass. I realized he’d scoped this particular area lately for such an occasion. He knelt down and positioned himself on me, his delicious weight against my eager body. I took his contionface into my hands, my fingers following the contour of his square jaw, and he leaned in to kiss me feverishly. I eagerly complied.

We figured we wouldn’t be breaking the rules on Emmett’s house arrest if we stayed on Cullen property. We were barely cognizant of the fact that our family never left the confines of our home, knowing they could hear what we were doing from indoors, but we didn’t care. I cared about nothing as he moved above me or I rode him while the blue moonlight cast across our skin. There, beneath the stars, on our lawn, I finally made passionate love to Emmett, sealing my assurances that this would be the start of something new for us.

Continue to Part II of Chapter 24: The Question