Families and things
So I was telling Crista about the e-mail that Kelsey sent me yesterday, which said this:
“Anyway, Aunt Wo wanted me to tell you that she loves you "make sure to tell her Kelsey! And we all miss her, too. Tell her we talk about her at Sunday dinner, does she miss us? Does she miss home?"I tell them probably not, because you're studying and you're in an amazing place and are visiting cool places too, but they are convinced that you're never coming back.”
Which really does sound like my family, and is also hilarious. I like that Kelsey tells them that I'm doing all sorts of wonderful things without thinking of them, but sounds surprised that they think I'm never coming back.
Anyway, Crista and I had the following conversation about such things:
Crista: I think the expectations placed upon those who have left home is too great. We have to be happy where we are, and take care of everything ourselves, but not enjoy it so much that we don't miss the other people we happened to be born into rather than the ones we've chosen to keep as a part of our lives.
Me: it is horrible
Me: I think it was Hanstedt that made the point that parents (and I add extended families as well) love their kids more than their kids love them
Me: and it is a little sad, but true
Me: because your family members are generally not people the way other people are
Me: there are things that you can't tell them
Me: and that you don't want to know about them
Me: so you end up being able to be closer to strangers
Me: which is very reasonable
Me: and means that they did a god job at being a family, and didn't get horribly creepy and talk openly about sex at the dinner table when you were little
Crista: hahahaha
Me: but also means they shouldn't be pissy when I'd rather live in another country
Crista: indeed. When we belong to ourselves rather than to them, they should lessen their expectations of us some.
I do love my family, but I never want to live in Norwood or Cincinnati again, not because of them, but because it just isn't the place for me. It makes me feel awful that I every time I call home I get this, “Do you miss us/are you ever coming back/you probably don't care about us” thing, because what can I really say that isn't a lie or something that will hurt them? I don't know that any of them would get that while I'm not actively missing their presence or constantly thinking about them, I still care. It is partly because I am used to being away from my family, before I came here I was spending the better part of every year in another state, and I did miss them much more when I started college, but I'm used to it now. Instead of talking about how much they miss me and I miss them I'd rather talk about the interesting things that have happened since we last talked, because if the only thing a relationship centers on is how much you miss someone, or at other times how happy you are that they are around, then what is there to miss anyway?
“Anyway, Aunt Wo wanted me to tell you that she loves you "make sure to tell her Kelsey! And we all miss her, too. Tell her we talk about her at Sunday dinner, does she miss us? Does she miss home?"I tell them probably not, because you're studying and you're in an amazing place and are visiting cool places too, but they are convinced that you're never coming back.”
Which really does sound like my family, and is also hilarious. I like that Kelsey tells them that I'm doing all sorts of wonderful things without thinking of them, but sounds surprised that they think I'm never coming back.
Anyway, Crista and I had the following conversation about such things:
Crista: I think the expectations placed upon those who have left home is too great. We have to be happy where we are, and take care of everything ourselves, but not enjoy it so much that we don't miss the other people we happened to be born into rather than the ones we've chosen to keep as a part of our lives.
Me: it is horrible
Me: I think it was Hanstedt that made the point that parents (and I add extended families as well) love their kids more than their kids love them
Me: and it is a little sad, but true
Me: because your family members are generally not people the way other people are
Me: there are things that you can't tell them
Me: and that you don't want to know about them
Me: so you end up being able to be closer to strangers
Me: which is very reasonable
Me: and means that they did a god job at being a family, and didn't get horribly creepy and talk openly about sex at the dinner table when you were little
Crista: hahahaha
Me: but also means they shouldn't be pissy when I'd rather live in another country
Crista: indeed. When we belong to ourselves rather than to them, they should lessen their expectations of us some.
I do love my family, but I never want to live in Norwood or Cincinnati again, not because of them, but because it just isn't the place for me. It makes me feel awful that I every time I call home I get this, “Do you miss us/are you ever coming back/you probably don't care about us” thing, because what can I really say that isn't a lie or something that will hurt them? I don't know that any of them would get that while I'm not actively missing their presence or constantly thinking about them, I still care. It is partly because I am used to being away from my family, before I came here I was spending the better part of every year in another state, and I did miss them much more when I started college, but I'm used to it now. Instead of talking about how much they miss me and I miss them I'd rather talk about the interesting things that have happened since we last talked, because if the only thing a relationship centers on is how much you miss someone, or at other times how happy you are that they are around, then what is there to miss anyway?