No safe place.

[ache_sp]

Every morning
Every day and every night.
I pull your cage out from under the bed
and make sure there isn't a speck of dust,
not a scuff, scratch, ding,
not one single thing
to compromise integrity.
My neck muscles tighten,
twitching and taut
windpipe expands, cold
I breathe hard through my nostrils.
As I turn the key,
I just want to walk away
leave it alone
contained and hidden
let the dust build up
let the lock rust into permanence,
No.

The bolt springs loose
Let it begin
There are no restraints
no stirrups
Nothing to sanitize or anesthetize
Just torture
plain and simple
I let you do it
ask for it
by opening the door
I don't run
but watch every movement
every laceration, every incision,
every morning
every day and every night
I live with it.

And so it went
until I filled
Every morning
Every day and every night
building a little fort
A cage of my own
for my own protection
to keep away
whenever you broke loose.
A fortress in my own little mind
completely furnished
fabrication of a figment
of my imagination.
Just like everything imaginary
it didn't do shit.
Toy soldiers at the gate,
smiling and ever at ease.
Moat filled with crinkled cellophane
and armaments of felt.
Just like everything imaginary
this is all in my head,
there is no more you
only ghosts
just like the one who lived with us.

I wish you'd both quit following me.