Psychosomaticism
This is the first entry I've written on LJ in a while. I do so because this is not something I care for the average MySpace person to read.
I met Mike for coffee tonight and had a lot of coffee. I have, due to my transportation situation adopted an increasingly nocturnal sleep/wake cycle. In doing so it has evoked a lot of long forgotten memories, but it has also brought into a mental state a lot of which I long attributed to mental illness.
As it has gotten later my scatteredness, heightened anxiety, irritability, tendency towards rumination have increased. Most curious is the anxiety and tendency towards startle. As I get more tired, but am propped up on caffeine I have major anxious responses to undifferentiated stimuli - as though I'm freaking out on some kind of hallucinogenic drug. It is hard to say for me where one problem begins and another ends, but this quality is not amazingly different than a bad trip, excepting that when things do evoke the anxious response it is not as strong. Sometimes I thought that LSD rewired my brain, but I honestly have to wonder if this overall pattern of sleep deprivation was the largest problem - coupled with a stimulant it could result in some very unpleasant symptoms, then throw in the sedatives I took to sleep and you have quite a confused mess - a cure worse than the disease.
I think the whole fear of evil spirits thing is actually a fear of undifferentiated stimulus which evoke a larger anxiety response. This is tantamount to hallucination - they believe that delusions are attempts by people suffering psychotic symptoms to integrate their experience - a response to a symptom rather than a symptom itself. It seems I've developed some kind of delusion almost.
I met Mike for coffee tonight and had a lot of coffee. I have, due to my transportation situation adopted an increasingly nocturnal sleep/wake cycle. In doing so it has evoked a lot of long forgotten memories, but it has also brought into a mental state a lot of which I long attributed to mental illness.
As it has gotten later my scatteredness, heightened anxiety, irritability, tendency towards rumination have increased. Most curious is the anxiety and tendency towards startle. As I get more tired, but am propped up on caffeine I have major anxious responses to undifferentiated stimuli - as though I'm freaking out on some kind of hallucinogenic drug. It is hard to say for me where one problem begins and another ends, but this quality is not amazingly different than a bad trip, excepting that when things do evoke the anxious response it is not as strong. Sometimes I thought that LSD rewired my brain, but I honestly have to wonder if this overall pattern of sleep deprivation was the largest problem - coupled with a stimulant it could result in some very unpleasant symptoms, then throw in the sedatives I took to sleep and you have quite a confused mess - a cure worse than the disease.
I think the whole fear of evil spirits thing is actually a fear of undifferentiated stimulus which evoke a larger anxiety response. This is tantamount to hallucination - they believe that delusions are attempts by people suffering psychotic symptoms to integrate their experience - a response to a symptom rather than a symptom itself. It seems I've developed some kind of delusion almost.