i'm not supposed to have dreams
hmm...wel, i really don't know if i am happy or sad. i mean, i am still distraught, but i dont really feel bad. the thing that i dont like is that either i really hurt her or she is really angry with me. and i had thought we worked that out on the phone, but i guess not. i bought her a birthday present the other day. all my money. and what could make things worse for me right now? thats right, my dreams have been invaded again by the same person as always. for some reason i saw her driving so i tailgated her and she pulled over and we went and picked up some guy and drove to a house with weird kinda family-like people and they left so it was just us two and i ate some macaroni and cheese and she said she had a headache. and so i started to rub her head and she told me to stop because i was trying to seduce her. so i stopped and she turned to me and kissed me. i tried calling her the other day but all i got was modem noise on her end. i wonder if i will ever catch her or if she will call me? not likely, but i have no hope of anything else so i may as well invest some in this. i start night school tonite. my book is from 1987. stupid Polk County. waiting game resumed. but what for really? until i move? or until things are better? or best? or death? i dont know. i am here now and that is all i know and all that truly matters now. so i will attempt to make right the situation with her but i cannot change back to how it was.