○ 08: you can't always get what you want
Due to the unpopular nature of "Little Black Raincloud," we're starting a new story tonight.
UNTITLED #16
PART ONE
John opened his eyes. His room reflected the city outside: gloomy, dark, and a luring invitation to sleep until the safe dawn. The putrid smell of the city wafted through his door. He sighed and breathed in, chest expanding, and absently turned his head over to his open door. There was dim lighting from a streetlamp outside the cracked hallway window. No wonder it stank.
He was too tired to bother closing it, so instead he shut his eyes with a disgusted frown. His right eye stung suddenly. His lids snapped open and he hissed while trying to rub away the eyelash. John paused and looked at the doorway as something caught the corner of his watering eye, and his whole body went cold and rigid.
A short, black figure sat crouched in the doorway. It didn't move, nor did it make a sound. It was rounded on top. He squinted, reaching for the ball pistol on his nightstand. John couldn't say what the thing was, but it would go away fast.
His fingers twitched over the grip of the gun, but did not close. Something told him not to shoot. Something told him that it would be no use. John's frown tightened, and he swung his legs out of bed.
Come with me.
I really this one is stronger. It has drama, no pop culture references, and it has a better character arc!
[Private to Jane]
I need to tell you something. Can I come see you?
UNTITLED #16
PART ONE
John opened his eyes. His room reflected the city outside: gloomy, dark, and a luring invitation to sleep until the safe dawn. The putrid smell of the city wafted through his door. He sighed and breathed in, chest expanding, and absently turned his head over to his open door. There was dim lighting from a streetlamp outside the cracked hallway window. No wonder it stank.
He was too tired to bother closing it, so instead he shut his eyes with a disgusted frown. His right eye stung suddenly. His lids snapped open and he hissed while trying to rub away the eyelash. John paused and looked at the doorway as something caught the corner of his watering eye, and his whole body went cold and rigid.
A short, black figure sat crouched in the doorway. It didn't move, nor did it make a sound. It was rounded on top. He squinted, reaching for the ball pistol on his nightstand. John couldn't say what the thing was, but it would go away fast.
His fingers twitched over the grip of the gun, but did not close. Something told him not to shoot. Something told him that it would be no use. John's frown tightened, and he swung his legs out of bed.
Come with me.
I really this one is stronger. It has drama, no pop culture references, and it has a better character arc!
[Private to Jane]
I need to tell you something. Can I come see you?