I Want You To Know You're Not Making This Easy
tell me why all of a sudden today i felt like i don't have any motivation? i feel as if theres no real reason to try, to work, to attempt to acheive things. and its not like im sad over it, i'm just wondering what it is im gonna look forward to know. i'm not looking forward to spring break really, like im not striving for it. either way i dont care if it comes. i am disturbed over my sudden grade drop, but then again i'm not as distressed as i woulda been before.
its not peace, its almost like restlessness, but without a purpose. maybe thats what it is. have i lost my sense of purpose. its almost like something just got up and left inside of me, like my innocence or belief that things get better. its unsettling, but yet i'm sitll not worked up. i dont understand. i dont understand much right now. i usually have something im continually looking forward too, but that feeling has faded for today.
what do i need? motivation? belief that results occur. maybe im tired of seeing all the improvements slip away. maintaining progress is so difficult. so what is my goal still? whats going to push me on? i know i should be caring about something right now but im almost frozen. not uncompassionate, and not wuite complacent. listless without a cause perhaps? something need to happen, to make this real again.