Of Perverts, Proposals, and Pink Aprons
Title: Of Perverts, Proposals, and Pink Aprons
Author: acenpokerface
Prompt #3: Public Embarrassment
Word Count: 3,600 (yes, I know it’s over the limit…sigh. I couldn’t bear to cut down any further.)
Rating: PG-13
Character(s): Hibari Kyoya, Dokuro Chrome, Rokudo Mukuro, and Tsuna + Co.
Paring(s): 1896, hints of 1869 and 6996
Warnings: This is an AU oneshot. There is also mild language and sexual references.
Summary: Hibari Kyoya always got what he wanted, and what he wanted was Dokuro Chrome.
Disclaimer: I don’t own KHR or any of its characters-that honor goes to Akira Amano. However, if there was an alternate universe where I owned Hibari, you can be certain I wouldn’t be sharing him. :)
Author’s Note: We hope you enjoy this oneshot. It was written for the LJ KHR fanfic community Write and Run. Go check it out! :D
...
Of Perverts, Proposals, and Pink Aprons
...
It was a sunny afternoon at Namimori University, and by all rights Haru, Kyoko, Hana, and Chrome should’ve been having an enjoyable lunch in one of their classrooms.
Should have been.
“Hahi!” Haru exclaimed, disgruntled with her friend. “When are you going to quit moping about, Chrome-chan? I’m telling you, you’re better off without him!”
Chrome said nothing in reply, just shrugged listlessly and picked at her food. Undeterred, Haru continued with her tirade, hoping to get a response. “Look, Chrome-chan, you’re the one who dumped him in the first place! You are now young and single and completely unconnected to Hibari! And-oh, no, I said his name, didn’t I? Sorry about that.”
Chrome looked at the broken chopsticks in her hand. “Oh,” she murmured. “I’ll have to get new ones...excuse me…”
As she walked away, Haru could feel Kyoko’s disapproving stare. “What?” she said. “I’m only telling the truth!”
“You could say it a bit more delicately, Haru,” Kyoko said.
“Delicate? Why be delicate when we can be blunt and gloat in public? Don’t you feel like dancing? Hibari. Got. Dumped!” Haru flung her hands up in the air, ecstatic. “It’s the most wonderful thing that’s happened at Namimori University! Now all we need to do is kill off Mukuro and Bakadera, and my happiness will be complete.”
Kyoko sighed. “Back to the subject, please. You already threw Chrome-chan a break-up party in celebration. I’m just saying that maybe it’s time you let her…recover. Remember, she didn’t want to end their relationship.”
“B-but we w-w-weren’t in a relationship,” Chrome stuttered, having returned from the nearby cafeteria. “We just-just happened to be in the same place at the same time on more than one occasion.”
Hana rolled her eyes. “Uh-huh. And you just happened to lose your virginity to him, too.”
Chrome blushed. Kyoko decided to intervene: “Hana, I think Onii-chan is making a nuisance of himself in the courtyard.”
Hana scowled. “Damn it! When I agreed to be his girlfriend, I didn’t agree to be his babysitter.” Getting to the door, she turned around and pointed at Chrome. “First breakups are always the hardest, but all you need to do is have yourself a fling and you’ll be fine in no time. Later, then.”
Kyoko and Haru looked back at Chrome, who was once again looking depressed.
“It’s not a breakup,” she said. “It’s not a breakup if the other person is just using you for entertainment. There’s nothing to get over. Hibari-san is completely fine, and so am I.”
Kyoko bit her lip. Hibari-san was a lot of things recently, and none of them could be remotely described as “fine.” And Chrome-chan…
“Chrome-chan, you’re miserable,” she said. “Maybe it’s time to stop this and...start being in the same place at the same time as Hibari-san again.”
“Hahi!” Haru yelled. “Are you completely insane? Hibari is a horrible boyfriend for Chrome! The only one who’d be any worse is-”
“My cute little Chrome! There you are! I was looking all over for you!” Mukuro Rokudo exclaimed. He made his way over to Chrome and placed a kiss on her cheek, sitting down so he was pressed to her side.
“Hello, Nii-sama,” Chrome replied.
“Speak of the devil,” Haru muttered. Raising her voice, she said, “Get out of here, you incestuous, pedophilic man-whore!”
Mukuro smiled enigmatically. “Now, why would you say that, Haru-chan?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because it’s because you chase after anyone who’s even remotely attractive, regardless of gender and age! For God’s sake, you even lusted after Reborn-sensei. And I saw you looking at Yuni-chan! And you sexually harass Chrome every time you see her! Even though you’re her older brother!”
“I’m her stepbrother, so it’s perfectly legal,” Mukuro said, nuzzling Chrome’s neck. “Isn’t that right, my love?”
“It’s wrong, that’s what it is! Get off her, freak!”
“Please, there’s nothing wrong with siblings showing affection for each other.”
“Why, you!”
“Anyway, don’t we have more important things to discuss?”
“What, your overactive sex drive? Everybody already knows that you had a threesome with Ken and Chikusa, that you slept with M.M., that you tried seducing Lal Mirch before you chased after Colonello, and that you’ve tried stealing kisses from everyone in our group-even me! I don’t know what the hell you were thinking.”
“Yes,” he replied, looking her up and down, “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Haru glared. “You have no shame, do you?”
“I think that was obvious after I installed that camera in the boys’ locker room and sold the pictures on the black market, which you ought to be grateful for. Didn’t you buy a few shots of Gokudera’s admittedly sexy ass?”
“Hahi! I told you, I’m using them for target practice!”
“Mm-hm. Anyway, I’m here to ask Chrome to help me possess Tsunayoshi-kun’s luscious body.”
“You stay away from Kyoko’s man! Kyoko, say something!”
“…Tsuna-kun’s not interested in guys, Mukuro-san,” Kyoko said.
“I know. That’s what makes it so interesting.”
Haru smacked him. “Aren’t you chasing after Hibari?”
Chrome sucked her breath in.
Mukuro’s grin widened. “Why, so I am. But I fail to see what my affair with Kyoya has to do with my relationship with Tsuna-kun.”
“Because you can’t have both of them at the same time! And because Chrome broke up with Hibari so you could have him! If you cheat on him, her misery is pointless!”
“I think it’s already pointless because Hibari hates Mukuro more than you do, Haru,” Kyoko said. “Which is why I think he and Chrome should get back together.”
Haru and Mukuro simultaneously said, “No, they shouldn’t.”
Haru pouted. “Ugh. I can’t believe I’m agreeing with you.”
“Neither can I. But I’m not going to change my mind. Kyoya is nowhere near good enough for my precious Chrome,” Mukuro replied. “And besides, I want him all to myself. But don’t worry, Haru-chan. There’s enough of me for you, too.”
“…Kyoko, hand me the gun hidden under your desk.”
“That’s my cue to leave. Au revoir, my sweet,” he said, pressing one last kiss to Chrome’s cheek and exiting the room.
“Bye, Nii-sama,” Chrome said.
Clatter.
“There is a gun here,” Kyoko said, shocked.
“What do you expect? It’s Reborn-sensei’s classroom. God, I don’t know how you put up with that man, Chrome-chan,” Haru said. “Chrome-chan? What’s wrong?”
Chrome was slumped against the wall, looking even more depressed than she did before. “Nothing,” she said.
Haru was silent for a few seconds. “You really love him, don’t you?”
Chrome nodded. Everyone knew she wasn’t talking about Mukuro now, but about he-who-must-not-be-named.
“Then why did you break up with him?” Haru asked, exasperated.
“Because Nii-sama wants him. Because he doesn’t want me. It’s like you said, Haru-san. Our...acquaintance wouldn’t have gone anywhere. It was just sex and eventually he’d have left me, so it was best to do it first. Besides…I want him to be happy. He should be with somebody strong, somebody wonderful.” She looked at the doorway that Mukuro had just exited. “Mukuro-nii-sama would take good care of him. And he has very strong feelings for Nii-sama. So if Nii-sama’s happy, and he’s happy, then I’ll be happy.” Chrome smiled a broken little smile.
Haru and Kyoko looked at each other. This was worse than they’d thought-Chrome was actually under the delusion that Hibari would want to be with Mukuro.
“Chrome-chan, Hibari hates Mukuro,” Kyoko said. “I think he’d much rather be with you.”
Chrome shrugged. “That’s impossible. When I ended our association, I gave him a letter stating why I couldn’t see him anymore. I quoted Haru-san, and Nii-sama, and even H…Hibari-san himself. So he can’t really argue. I mean, it’s rather obvious that I’m an herbivore. Nii-sama even helped me with some of the conditions.”
“Conditions?” Haru asked.
Chrome nodded and dug into her bag. “I said I would be willing to continue our involvement only if he fulfilled them.” She handed a bemused Haru an envelope, which she and Kyoko promptly opened and began reading. “I made several copies of the letter, because I knew he would tear the first couple into shreds. That’s one of the extras. You can read it and see why we can’t be together. He won’t do what I ask, and I won’t go back on my word. I promised Boss,” she said, using her affectionate nickname for Tsuna. Glancing at her watch, she stood up. “Ah, please excuse me. I have to start walking to my next class. Good-bye.” She bowed and left the room, passing Gokudera on her way out.
“Hey! Woman, do you have a minute-” he said to Chrome’s retreating back. “I guess not.”
“What do you want, Bakadera?” Haru asked, sneering.
“Nothing, stupid woman,” he retorted. “At least, not from you. The Tenth needs help from Sasagawa,” he said, referring to the unwilling Vongola Weapons Co.’s next heir by his “title.” “We’ve gotta do something about the Hibari situation. At the rate he’s going, he’ll kill half the university by next week. The Tenth thinks you two can help us convince Chrome to take him back.”
“That’s going to be impossible,” Kyoko said bluntly, holding up Chrome’s letter. “Call a meeting. I think we’re going to need everybody’s help with this.”
…
Later that afternoon, they were once again gathered in Reborn’s classroom, this time with the whole group present.
“What happened to you guys?” Haru exclaimed, catching sight of the boys’ motley collection of bruises.
As one entity, they replied, “Hibari.”
Tsuna said, “He’s been taking the breakup rather badly.”
Yamamoto chuckled. “Mukuro chasing after him hasn’t helped.”
“Yeah,” Gokudera growled. “If you think dealing with a depressed Chrome is bad, at least you haven’t had to try and stop a pissed-off Hibari from demolishing half the buildings in this town.”
“I understand,” Kyoko said, holding up a hand to forestall Haru’s comeback. “So do we all agree to try and get the two back together, for the sake of everyone’s happiness?”
“I still think she’s better off without him,” Haru grumbled.
Kyoko raised a brow.
“Okay, fine. So what’s the plan?” Haru said. “I mean, this letter makes it all but impossible.”
Everyone looked at the paper in her hands, which might as well have been a signed death warrant.
Gokudera put on his glasses and went into “punk-geek mode,” as Haru put it. “We have three options. Option A involves getting Mukuro to stop chasing after Hibari, probably by offering him a more fascinating target.”
Everyone’s eyes slid in Tsuna’s direction.
“…yeah, not happening. Option B would be to convince Chrome to change her mind and take Hibari back without him fulfilling her conditions-“
“What’re these conditions, anyway?” Yamamoto asked.
“I’m getting there, baseball freak. Anyway, Option B’s also impossible because Chrome feels it’s important not to go back on her word.”
Again, everyone’s eyes slid to Tsuna.
“So we come to Option C, where we get Hibari to fulfill the conditions-”
“Then let’s do it to the extreme!” Ryohei interrupted.
“-which means we have to get him to dress up in a pink apron and propose to Chrome in front of the entire university,” Gokudera finished.
The room was silent for a few seconds, then-
“What kind of crazy conditions are those?”
“Chrome came up with that? Why???”
“We’re all gonna die, aren’t we?”
Haru interrupted. “Calm down, calm down. Don’t blame Chrome-chan! Mukuro helped her write the last bit.” She grimaced. “Stupid liar. It’s his fault we’re in this mess in the first place. Anyway, me and Kyoko did come up with a plan, so we’re not going to die, Lambo. Kyoko, why don’t you explain the loophole we found?”
Kyoko cleared her throat. “The letter specifically says: ‘I will believe that someone truly loves me and cares for me deeply only if they ask me to marry them with the entire university as a witness, and only if they are willing to let go of their pride and wear a pink apron while doing it. If this action is offered as proof, I will continue our association. Sincerely, Chrome.’”
Tsuna wrinkled his nose. “I don’t see a loophole, Kyoko-chan.”
She held up a finger. “But there is one. The letter didn’t specifically state that Hibari had to be the one to propose.”
“…I don’t see how having someone else propose to the girl who dumped him will stop Hibari’s rampage,” Hana said.
“It will, because if someone else pretends to be Hibari and proposes on his behalf, then technically all of Chrome’s conditions will be fulfilled. She doesn’t even have to say yes, and they don’t have to get married,” Haru said gleefully.
“That doesn’t make any sense, stupid woman!” Gokudera yelled.
“Well, do you have a better plan?” she replied.
“I say we blow up the supports of the east part of the building and trap Chrome and Hibari together until they make up,” Gokudera said.
“Hahi! Why do your plans always involve dynamite?”
“Why do your plans always involve costumes? And it’s a stupid plan anyway! Who’s going to dress up as Hibari? Tsuna?”
“No, he’s too short,” Kyoko said. “And Yamamoto’s too tall.”
“So what? Are we gonna have Sasagawa do it? He’s around Hibari’s height.”
Everyone paused and thought about what that would look like: “Marry me to the extreme, Dokuro!”
“…no. We were actually thinking that you could do it, Gokudera-kun,” Kyoko said.
“Me? No way!” he yelled.
“B-but if you don’t do it, then I’ll have to…to…with Mukuro!” Tsuna wailed.
“Ah, don’t worry, Tsuna,” Yamamoto said easily. “I’ll do it. I’ll just stoop a little. Besides, it’s on behalf of Hibari, right? We don’t have to be that convincing.”
Gokudera interrupted, “Don’t even think about it, baseball freak! I’ll do it!” There was no way he was letting Yamamoto do something he could do better! “Anything for the Tenth!”
…
Anything but this.
“Bakadera, hold still!” Haru said, fussing with his wig. “You have to get on the platform in fifteen minutes! Kyoko’s already used the PA system to announce the assembly on the lawn! And put out that cigarette!”
“I’m about to put my life on the line! A man deserves to have one last smoke!”
“Stop being so melodramatic! Hahi, you are so insensitive!” She finished her preparations and stepped back to look over her work. Black pants, crisp white shirt with the collar turned up, black V-neck blazer over that, messy black hair and-“Do you think you could get rid of the scowl?”
“Hibari scowls.”
“No, he glares, and-oh, forget it! I’m going out to where Kyoko’s waiting with Chrome, and if you’re not onstage in ten minutes I’ll tell Mukuro you’re interested in him. And don’t forget the apron.”
“Stupid woman! Don’t you dare!”
She didn’t even bother turning around when she shot him the bird.
“Anything for the Tenth, anything for the Tenth,” he muttered to himself. “Okay, time to get the show on the road.”
And he began walking forward, only to stop as he spied a familiar figure already making his way onstage.
“No fucking way,” he breathed.
…
Chrome was weaving a crown made out of flowers for her Nii-sama, who currently had his head resting in her lap.
“I wonder what the assembly’s going to be about. It’s a little odd to announce it so suddenly,” she murmured. “What do you think, Kyoko-san?”
“Hmm?” Kyoko said absent-mindedly. She was alternating between watching the stage and scanning the crowd for Haru. She hoped her best friend would be able to find them-Mukuro had insisted on laying out a blanket at the very edge of the lawn, a good distance away from everyone else. Oh, well, at least it would help with the deception if Chrome didn’t have a good view of “Hibari” when he proposed.
“Distracted, Kyoko-chan?” Mukuro asked, amused. He sat up. “Afraid your plans might fall through, hmm?”
Kyoko felt a momentary spike of panic, but was saved from having to reply by Haru’s arrival.
“Hahi! I found you guys!” Haru plopped herself down next to Kyoko.
“Is everything alright?” Kyoko whispered.
“Don’t worry, it’s all going according to plan,” Haru whispered back.
“What are you whispering about?” Mukuro asked with a grin.
Haru stuck her tongue out at him. “None of your business, man-whore. Why don’t you go hit on Yamamoto or something?”
“Mmm, I might later,” he said, winking at Yamamoto, “but for now I’d rather watch your little drama unfold. My, isn’t that Hibari stalking onstage?”
Chrome stiffened, and her fingers began plucking petals off the flowers one by one.
Kyoko, on the other hand, kept her eyes on the stage. “Wow, you did a really good job with the costume, Haru,” she said, impressed. “I wouldn’t recognize Gokudera-kun at all.”
Haru shook her head slowly. “That’s not Gokudera’s ass in those pants,” she said slowly. “Believe me, I would know.”
Kyoko’s brow wrinkled. “But who else would…?” Her eyes widened. “No! You don’t think-”
She was cut off as the figure onstage started speaking into the microphone. “Dokuro Chrome, report to the stage. I repeat, report to the stage, or I will bite you to death.”
Haru and Kyoko stared in baffled horror and hilarity as the one and only Hibari Kyoya stood in front of the entire student body, arms crossed, tonfas at the ready.
Dressed in a frilly pink apron.
Mukuro smiled. “I knew he’d do it. Now Chrome-chan, why don’t you-? Chrome-chan?”
It was no use. She was already off and away, running as far as she could in the opposite direction of the stage.
…
Hibari Kyoya was not pleased. The entire last week had been unsatisfactory, ever since the herbivore had ceased communications on the orders of that stupid, rule-breaking liar. Said liar then proceeded to chase after him like a dog in heat, and added insult to injury by constantly bringing up the contents of the abominable letter. Not even beating up every miscreant in school could improve his mood.
In short, he was well and truly pissed off.
The most galling thing about the entire situation was that he knew the herbivore had caused it because she honestly thought he and the liar would make a good couple! As if she had any right to make his decisions for him!
So she thought she could run away, thought she could toss this humiliating challenge at his feet and he would slink off without a fight like some stupid herbivore? Well, she was about to see him prove her wrong.
Hibari Kyoya always got what he wanted, and what he wanted was Dokuro Chrome. And nobody, not even her idiotic stepbrother with his stupid apron fetish, was going to stop him from getting her.
So the second he saw her get up and start running, he chased after her, vaulting off the stage and knocking aside anyone who got in his way with his tonfas, the pink apron streaming behind him like a cape. And while Chrome was fast, she was no match for Hibari in his predator mode.
As a result, instead of getting on one knee and proposing to her like a normal person, Hibari tackled her and pinned her to the ground.
“Herbivore,” he said as she struggled beneath him. “Will you participate in a meaningless civil ceremony with me?”
“W-what?” she said, her eyes widening.
He glared at her. “I’m not going to repeat myself. Just answer the question.”
“A-are you proposing to m-m-me?” she stuttered, beginning to hyperventilate.
His glare intensified. “I am asking you to marry me, with the whole university as a witness, wearing a pink apron. Have I or have I not met your requirements?”
“Y-yes, but-”
“Then your answer is?”
“N-”
“If you finish that word I will bite you to death. I did not subject myself to public humiliation just to have you reject me, woman.”
“B-but…wouldn’t you rather be with Nii-sama?”
He hissed. “Don’t be absurd. I want you.”
“But Nii-sama would-wait, what did you say?” she asked, her violet eye widening in shock.
“I. Want. You,” he bit out. “Now hurry up and say yes so we can have done with this farce.”
She looked up at him, finally ceasing her struggling, for which he was grateful. He prided himself on self-control, but having her squirm like that while pinned beneath him was distracting, to say the least.
“You really want me?” she said. “You really want to marry me?”
He narrowed his eyes. “Would I be wearing the apron if I didn’t? We can have the wedding in three months. Tetsu can help you with the details. Now, what is your answer?”
“I…I-yes.”
“Good.” And with that, he kissed her deeply, hungrily, like he was devouring her. Let any other herbivores try and take her now. Nobody else could have her, especially not Mukuro. Chrome was his.
…
On the sidelines, as Haru and the others watched in shock, Mukuro chuckled gleefully while taking pictures of the entire scene. It was always nice to have blackmail photos to use against Hibari later.
He grinned slyly. His plan had worked out beautifully. His cute little Chrome was now blissfully content, if the way she was enthusiastically kissing Hibari back was any indication. And torturing Hibari and watching him wreak havoc on everybody else was always fun.
All in all, it was the perfect end to a perfect week.
Now, how to matchmake Haru-chan and Gokudera-kun...
...
Fin.
...
Endnote: Thanks for reading, and please comment. :)