Destroyed yet again
Why am i unable to attain a relationship with the opposite sex? I have been with Courtney for over a year, and we have had our good and bad times but I loved her more then anything, she put up with me and in turn i changed a lot to make her happy. We were madly in love and talk of eventual marriage had been pretty standard. The last month things began to change, she had a whole new group of friends and wanted to get out a lot more, while I had left most my friends behind for our sake of 100% serious relationship. I can understand that she wants to get out, but there has been a double standard for quite sometime, I never went out because i knew it would make her happier and any mention of me going out without her brought her to talk me into being guilty about it..
Well last night it all went to hell, I'm sure that I drove her away from me, because i've done it plenty of times. I already have trust issues and those were shattered with multiple lies, In my sadness and rage i found myself almost getting into a fight with a guy I don't even know, just to take out everything that was upwelling in me, I kept saying it was over yet I found myself continuing to do everything in my power to find her and talk to her. After multiple attempts last night I sit here and feel like a most of my life is gone. Mabye i should view it as a fresh start, but i've started over so many times i can't take it much more. I love her and i do think she loves me, but it jsut seems she has found a new niche in her life and it dosen't include me. I can respect that but i just wish she went around ending this in a manner that didn't have to include so much heartbreak.
I'm gonan try my best to change my life, i've succeded in some areas but continue to fail in others, I'm 22 and far from achieving what I need to do to find hapiness, if hapiness is even out there.
Well last night it all went to hell, I'm sure that I drove her away from me, because i've done it plenty of times. I already have trust issues and those were shattered with multiple lies, In my sadness and rage i found myself almost getting into a fight with a guy I don't even know, just to take out everything that was upwelling in me, I kept saying it was over yet I found myself continuing to do everything in my power to find her and talk to her. After multiple attempts last night I sit here and feel like a most of my life is gone. Mabye i should view it as a fresh start, but i've started over so many times i can't take it much more. I love her and i do think she loves me, but it jsut seems she has found a new niche in her life and it dosen't include me. I can respect that but i just wish she went around ending this in a manner that didn't have to include so much heartbreak.
I'm gonan try my best to change my life, i've succeded in some areas but continue to fail in others, I'm 22 and far from achieving what I need to do to find hapiness, if hapiness is even out there.