Everything I've Thought Of The Past 25 Days.....
as i sit here and try to refrain from crying but it probably wont happen....
heres everything i can think of.....
firstly i need to get this off my chest....
hmmm i dont quite know how to say it but i wish you the best of luck with him...i hope he gets to see the side of you i saw in you..so many times in my life i will use this as a refrence point of happiness..
the past month has really opened my eyes to alot of things. i had a few dreams about you and in all of them it was scenes of our times together i would wake up around 3 in the morning almost as if on que at the strike of the clock i would fly up out of bed in tears just crying because i felt so happy for just that split second... just a moment of clarity in the mess i call my life.....i would wake up and stare around the room and sob i would try to fall asleep thinking of the dream hoping i would be able to play it off were i woke up but time after time it never worked.
i want you to be the happiest girl in the world... you deserve to be nothing less...i cant say i won't miss you when i lay my head down every night...ill cherish every waking moment we spent together. you showed me a side of me i didnt think existed a side of me i thought was dead from all the neglect and abuse and lack of love in my life...
i won't lie when i say i may never see that side of life again...i may get close but nothing will ever compare to the utter happiness i get when i see your face..hell i dont know what life may bring us but i know one thing for dam sure...i cant live without you in my life, you know by now you have the biggest impact on everything i do in life and thats because the happiest thing ive ever expirienced was having you in my arms as i fell asleep...
maybe someday if fate would have it we would become romantic again maybe we could try again but for now i want to see you flourish in this love you have. i want to see that look on your face when your uncontrollably happy, when nothing in the world can bring you down.
i hope every door you want to go through is open and i hope if its not you kick that dam thing open, your potential to exert happiness is more then you could ever comprehend...
you will always be my safegaurd...my escape from reality....the best high possible....
you are the best thing to ever happen to me... im sure if it wasnt for you i would have killed myself by now bieng caught up in self pity and the abyss of my heart i'd like to call hell....
i'll never forget our times together the sweet escape of drifting in your eyes...that fateful summer that for one period of time in my life i was acctually truly happy with loving someone else but more importantly with loving myself....that summer was one of the best times of my life...
i struggle trying to come to terms with the fact that it's my fault i lost you and thinking of how much different my life could be right now.... you gave me so many chances and time after time i let you down...
i'll miss you....maybe someday or in some other distant life we will be together again if i can finally destroy this demon inside me that wants everything that ever made me happy to be destroyed....when i can finally be a man...
im sorry i tore your heart into pieces.. i was selfish and in the grips of a desease that has no councious i hope you can truly reckonsile with me someday and truly in heart make us right again....
Secondly,
You and me have done so much work together...
i remember when every single person said you'd never get him back i thought in the back of my mind that nothings impossible. and love has few limitations...
....
We sure showed them..<3
....
but on another note im beginning to get very scared for you...
everything you've worked for is slipping out under your feet...
your beginning to doubt yourself again...
your beginning to lose hope again..
im terrified that you wont take this seriously.....
you need to understand that this responsibility ive bestowed upon you comes with limits...
even good needs rest.... you need to give yourself some real time to get back on your feet because i will tell you again... you will lose every bit of progress you have gained and some more...
dont make the mistake i did and let it just happen because now i have to start all over again but this time i dont have alot of things that made me happy before...so its that much harder...
you can still stop this before it gets you.
you mean the world to me and you've become my sister.... unconditional love is what i have for you. something you cant find in alot of people...something that you only stumble across a few times in life...
i have been thinking alot of you lately and as bleek as everything may seem right now i see a small light at the end of the tunnel. you can come out of this stronger then before... i want the best for you and only the best for you but you need to want it to...
your a friggin beautiful human who'se spirit could replace the sun....i've seen a side of you no one ever will a side that took alot of fighting and breaking down that shell you surround your heart with... you know how to do the right thing and sometimes the right thing is taking care of yourself before you can worry about others...
i know im not the only one who sees potential in you....
he does too...
he sees right through you..
past the self pity...past the pessemistic shell you protrude from a void inside you that needs to be filled with self purpose and good whole hearted loving....
im always here for you if it takes me to the grave i will always be on your side fighting beside you.. we made a pact to do this together....
remember when we promised we wouldnt give up?
when i said without a doubt i would give this my life if thats what it took...
and i meant it....
you gave me so much hope and insight into myself....
you told me i could do it when everyone else put me down...
when i said i would never see her again you told me just what i needed to hear to stand afoot for one more day..one more minute....
you held me up when i was dead weight....
nows my turn to carry you on my my back...
you took me in when no one else would....
i forever owe my life to you.....
and now its time i pay back just a glimpse of what you gave to me....
your something extrodinary....
an angel made manifest human....
pray every morning and be thankful for what you have and where you've gotten...
dont ever be afraid to cry on my shoulder im here for you
always and forever....
i love you so much and i'm always here for you...
Thirdly.
your such an amazing girl....
you have not even the slightest idea of what your capable of...
yesterday sitting at mcdonalds i sat and stared deep into your eyes....
i saw the fortress you put up around your heart... i saw the pain you deal with on an daily basis...
i also saw that you're crying out to make it go away...
your such a beautiful human bieng... you posses a skill that you havent even begun to scratch the surface of....
you have the ability to insight happiness deep inside of people and bring out the best sides of people... something draws me to you that i cant explain something more then just a surface crush...i want to make you happy. i want to break down the walls you've trapped yourself in with. i want you to show the world the love you keep hidden deep under all that security...i want you to know theres good in this world fighting on your side...
you have a whole network of people fighting to get you on your feet..
you make me smile without hesitation and you always know just the right things to cheer me up....you remind me of an angel i once knew.... a bieng so full of pure life but they were to shelled to let the world see it. i want to be someone you can confide in.. a shoulder for you to lean on then your feet get tired of walking...
i feel a deep connection for you and i wont lie when i say i would be honored to one day have a relationship with you...
in time i will bring out a side of you, you didnt think existed....
a side of you that in all honesty i think you're scared of...
i will guide you down the right path and hold you until you can stand on your own..
your truly an amazing person and as of right now im blessed to have you in my life.
i dont plan on bieng romantic with anyone anytime soon because i have to get myself on the right track again but.. i reserve a place in whats left of my heart for you....dont ask why i feel so strongly i cannot explain it... its like you bring out the greatest side of me with ease...
ill miss you in these passing days and when i come back i will make sure we spend some time together...<3
heres everything i can think of.....
firstly i need to get this off my chest....
hmmm i dont quite know how to say it but i wish you the best of luck with him...i hope he gets to see the side of you i saw in you..so many times in my life i will use this as a refrence point of happiness..
the past month has really opened my eyes to alot of things. i had a few dreams about you and in all of them it was scenes of our times together i would wake up around 3 in the morning almost as if on que at the strike of the clock i would fly up out of bed in tears just crying because i felt so happy for just that split second... just a moment of clarity in the mess i call my life.....i would wake up and stare around the room and sob i would try to fall asleep thinking of the dream hoping i would be able to play it off were i woke up but time after time it never worked.
i want you to be the happiest girl in the world... you deserve to be nothing less...i cant say i won't miss you when i lay my head down every night...ill cherish every waking moment we spent together. you showed me a side of me i didnt think existed a side of me i thought was dead from all the neglect and abuse and lack of love in my life...
i won't lie when i say i may never see that side of life again...i may get close but nothing will ever compare to the utter happiness i get when i see your face..hell i dont know what life may bring us but i know one thing for dam sure...i cant live without you in my life, you know by now you have the biggest impact on everything i do in life and thats because the happiest thing ive ever expirienced was having you in my arms as i fell asleep...
maybe someday if fate would have it we would become romantic again maybe we could try again but for now i want to see you flourish in this love you have. i want to see that look on your face when your uncontrollably happy, when nothing in the world can bring you down.
i hope every door you want to go through is open and i hope if its not you kick that dam thing open, your potential to exert happiness is more then you could ever comprehend...
you will always be my safegaurd...my escape from reality....the best high possible....
you are the best thing to ever happen to me... im sure if it wasnt for you i would have killed myself by now bieng caught up in self pity and the abyss of my heart i'd like to call hell....
i'll never forget our times together the sweet escape of drifting in your eyes...that fateful summer that for one period of time in my life i was acctually truly happy with loving someone else but more importantly with loving myself....that summer was one of the best times of my life...
i struggle trying to come to terms with the fact that it's my fault i lost you and thinking of how much different my life could be right now.... you gave me so many chances and time after time i let you down...
i'll miss you....maybe someday or in some other distant life we will be together again if i can finally destroy this demon inside me that wants everything that ever made me happy to be destroyed....when i can finally be a man...
im sorry i tore your heart into pieces.. i was selfish and in the grips of a desease that has no councious i hope you can truly reckonsile with me someday and truly in heart make us right again....
Secondly,
You and me have done so much work together...
i remember when every single person said you'd never get him back i thought in the back of my mind that nothings impossible. and love has few limitations...
....
We sure showed them..<3
....
but on another note im beginning to get very scared for you...
everything you've worked for is slipping out under your feet...
your beginning to doubt yourself again...
your beginning to lose hope again..
im terrified that you wont take this seriously.....
you need to understand that this responsibility ive bestowed upon you comes with limits...
even good needs rest.... you need to give yourself some real time to get back on your feet because i will tell you again... you will lose every bit of progress you have gained and some more...
dont make the mistake i did and let it just happen because now i have to start all over again but this time i dont have alot of things that made me happy before...so its that much harder...
you can still stop this before it gets you.
you mean the world to me and you've become my sister.... unconditional love is what i have for you. something you cant find in alot of people...something that you only stumble across a few times in life...
i have been thinking alot of you lately and as bleek as everything may seem right now i see a small light at the end of the tunnel. you can come out of this stronger then before... i want the best for you and only the best for you but you need to want it to...
your a friggin beautiful human who'se spirit could replace the sun....i've seen a side of you no one ever will a side that took alot of fighting and breaking down that shell you surround your heart with... you know how to do the right thing and sometimes the right thing is taking care of yourself before you can worry about others...
i know im not the only one who sees potential in you....
he does too...
he sees right through you..
past the self pity...past the pessemistic shell you protrude from a void inside you that needs to be filled with self purpose and good whole hearted loving....
im always here for you if it takes me to the grave i will always be on your side fighting beside you.. we made a pact to do this together....
remember when we promised we wouldnt give up?
when i said without a doubt i would give this my life if thats what it took...
and i meant it....
you gave me so much hope and insight into myself....
you told me i could do it when everyone else put me down...
when i said i would never see her again you told me just what i needed to hear to stand afoot for one more day..one more minute....
you held me up when i was dead weight....
nows my turn to carry you on my my back...
you took me in when no one else would....
i forever owe my life to you.....
and now its time i pay back just a glimpse of what you gave to me....
your something extrodinary....
an angel made manifest human....
pray every morning and be thankful for what you have and where you've gotten...
dont ever be afraid to cry on my shoulder im here for you
always and forever....
i love you so much and i'm always here for you...
Thirdly.
your such an amazing girl....
you have not even the slightest idea of what your capable of...
yesterday sitting at mcdonalds i sat and stared deep into your eyes....
i saw the fortress you put up around your heart... i saw the pain you deal with on an daily basis...
i also saw that you're crying out to make it go away...
your such a beautiful human bieng... you posses a skill that you havent even begun to scratch the surface of....
you have the ability to insight happiness deep inside of people and bring out the best sides of people... something draws me to you that i cant explain something more then just a surface crush...i want to make you happy. i want to break down the walls you've trapped yourself in with. i want you to show the world the love you keep hidden deep under all that security...i want you to know theres good in this world fighting on your side...
you have a whole network of people fighting to get you on your feet..
you make me smile without hesitation and you always know just the right things to cheer me up....you remind me of an angel i once knew.... a bieng so full of pure life but they were to shelled to let the world see it. i want to be someone you can confide in.. a shoulder for you to lean on then your feet get tired of walking...
i feel a deep connection for you and i wont lie when i say i would be honored to one day have a relationship with you...
in time i will bring out a side of you, you didnt think existed....
a side of you that in all honesty i think you're scared of...
i will guide you down the right path and hold you until you can stand on your own..
your truly an amazing person and as of right now im blessed to have you in my life.
i dont plan on bieng romantic with anyone anytime soon because i have to get myself on the right track again but.. i reserve a place in whats left of my heart for you....dont ask why i feel so strongly i cannot explain it... its like you bring out the greatest side of me with ease...
ill miss you in these passing days and when i come back i will make sure we spend some time together...<3