fic: placations and proverbs
title: placations and proverbs
pairing: k/u [reboot]
rating: R
summary: In space, death comes with the territory.
disclaimer: not mine. if they were do you think I would consider oriental ramen a "fancy lunch"?
A/N: As per usual, un-beta'd. Written for this prompt at stxi_sinfest. I was pretty sick and kind of high on pain killers when this was written so it's a little AU and a bit more Impressionistic (and liberal with the grammar) than most, but it got done, which is a miracle in itself. Concrit is always appreciated...enjoy!
*****************
He kissed her.
He kissed her because he didn't know what else to do. She was standing there, so tall and straight, but it was like with each tear he could see straight through her, and her insides were bent and broken and rusted from grief. He wanted to fix it all so badly, but, he didn't know how.
So, first he kissed her cheek, just barely, brushing his lips against an escaped tear there, tasting the salt and bitter tang of regret as it seeped into his mouth.
She looked up at him, and through those brown watery pools, it almost felt like he could see eternity, like he could fall into them and never return, the same way he feels every time he looks out across the bridge and into the deep reaches of space. He wanted to crush her to him, to wring out all of the bad feelings like a mop, and fill it up again with new, clean things…like how much he loved her.
But that is a thought he only allows himself to indulge in sparingly, like sweets, and he does not expect the same in return.
"Why?" It was small and reedy but it broke the heavy silence of her weeping.
Without thinking he takes her head in both hands and showers her face with small, chaste kisses, never once touching her lips, all the while whispering "I don't know".
She takes his hands down from her face. "If I had just…"
"No, there's nothing anyone could have done."
"You're just saying that to be a Captain."
"No."
"She loved you."
"I know…he loves you."
"That doesn't change the fact the I'm standing here in space by myself now does it?" She tries to belie her feelings, but he can still hear the tinkling of her heart shattering and falling.
They are silent for a long moment, she moves to look out the window, the rain of tears down her cheeks has slowed to a slight misting around her eyes.
"You're not alone." She doesn't acknowledge him until he moves to stand a short distance behind her.
"Right on time, as always."
"We saved the world."
"Now why do I wish we hadn't?"
"You think it would have been different otherwise? I was born in space…death comes with the territory."
She was silent again. He could only tell she way crying by her reflection in the glass, the stars reflecting off of the tears, making her face sparkle.
"Is that how you feel about it, then? Death."
It was his turn to take a pause, and look past her reflection into the dense ocean of stars and planets before them.
He remembered what his brother told him, when he was old enough to understand what had happened to his father.
"I think that sometimes a person's soul gets so big, that their body can't hold it anymore." It was juvenile, he knew, but that's the best way he could explain it.
He moved closer to her, as he watched her take in the thought, she was still crying.
"What does it mean, then, when your heart is so broken you feel like it's going to burn a hole through your chest and leave you open forever?"
"It means you're alive."
"Oh." She looked over her shoulder at him, silently pleading to find a way to make it right.
He kissed her again. On the mouth this time, because he has run out of placations and proverbs.
She kisses him back. He can still taste her tears.
They make love. It is languid, and honest, and urgent all at once, both of them trying to feel something more than the unending cold comfort that grief can provide, to prove to themselves that they are alive.
And as he pushes up into her core, he thinks he can feel the whole universe--all of forever, and that they are part of it all, like he can hear the ocean, and taste the sun all at once.
He thinks she can too, because right when she is about to come, she pulls his face toward hers, foreheads touching, and stares him down, wiping something away from his cheeks, he can't tell if its tears or sweat.
And, even if just for that moment, she loves him--and that is enough.
When they finish, she is laying against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. She kisses the area that covers it.
"Right on time."
****************
pairing: k/u [reboot]
rating: R
summary: In space, death comes with the territory.
disclaimer: not mine. if they were do you think I would consider oriental ramen a "fancy lunch"?
A/N: As per usual, un-beta'd. Written for this prompt at stxi_sinfest. I was pretty sick and kind of high on pain killers when this was written so it's a little AU and a bit more Impressionistic (and liberal with the grammar) than most, but it got done, which is a miracle in itself. Concrit is always appreciated...enjoy!
*****************
He kissed her.
He kissed her because he didn't know what else to do. She was standing there, so tall and straight, but it was like with each tear he could see straight through her, and her insides were bent and broken and rusted from grief. He wanted to fix it all so badly, but, he didn't know how.
So, first he kissed her cheek, just barely, brushing his lips against an escaped tear there, tasting the salt and bitter tang of regret as it seeped into his mouth.
She looked up at him, and through those brown watery pools, it almost felt like he could see eternity, like he could fall into them and never return, the same way he feels every time he looks out across the bridge and into the deep reaches of space. He wanted to crush her to him, to wring out all of the bad feelings like a mop, and fill it up again with new, clean things…like how much he loved her.
But that is a thought he only allows himself to indulge in sparingly, like sweets, and he does not expect the same in return.
"Why?" It was small and reedy but it broke the heavy silence of her weeping.
Without thinking he takes her head in both hands and showers her face with small, chaste kisses, never once touching her lips, all the while whispering "I don't know".
She takes his hands down from her face. "If I had just…"
"No, there's nothing anyone could have done."
"You're just saying that to be a Captain."
"No."
"She loved you."
"I know…he loves you."
"That doesn't change the fact the I'm standing here in space by myself now does it?" She tries to belie her feelings, but he can still hear the tinkling of her heart shattering and falling.
They are silent for a long moment, she moves to look out the window, the rain of tears down her cheeks has slowed to a slight misting around her eyes.
"You're not alone." She doesn't acknowledge him until he moves to stand a short distance behind her.
"Right on time, as always."
"We saved the world."
"Now why do I wish we hadn't?"
"You think it would have been different otherwise? I was born in space…death comes with the territory."
She was silent again. He could only tell she way crying by her reflection in the glass, the stars reflecting off of the tears, making her face sparkle.
"Is that how you feel about it, then? Death."
It was his turn to take a pause, and look past her reflection into the dense ocean of stars and planets before them.
He remembered what his brother told him, when he was old enough to understand what had happened to his father.
"I think that sometimes a person's soul gets so big, that their body can't hold it anymore." It was juvenile, he knew, but that's the best way he could explain it.
He moved closer to her, as he watched her take in the thought, she was still crying.
"What does it mean, then, when your heart is so broken you feel like it's going to burn a hole through your chest and leave you open forever?"
"It means you're alive."
"Oh." She looked over her shoulder at him, silently pleading to find a way to make it right.
He kissed her again. On the mouth this time, because he has run out of placations and proverbs.
She kisses him back. He can still taste her tears.
They make love. It is languid, and honest, and urgent all at once, both of them trying to feel something more than the unending cold comfort that grief can provide, to prove to themselves that they are alive.
And as he pushes up into her core, he thinks he can feel the whole universe--all of forever, and that they are part of it all, like he can hear the ocean, and taste the sun all at once.
He thinks she can too, because right when she is about to come, she pulls his face toward hers, foreheads touching, and stares him down, wiping something away from his cheeks, he can't tell if its tears or sweat.
And, even if just for that moment, she loves him--and that is enough.
When they finish, she is laying against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. She kisses the area that covers it.
"Right on time."
****************