The strangest request I have yet to ask of anyone
I'm gonna take my Humor Hat off for this post, because I'm having a problem I'm hoping someone out there can help me with, and I don't want anyone to think I'm being my usual weird self, although it's certainly going to sound like it. Ok, here goes:
As I posted recently, on Saturday I went to see Freezepop in concert at an arcade in downtown Portland. While I was there, I got to speak to the lead singer of the band, Liz Enthusiasm, as well as the other members. I distinctly remember looking at the merch there, trying to find one of their regular CDs, but they had sold out the day before. Liz was at the table, so I spoke with her for a few seconds, nothing big. But when I mentioned I had been a fan of the band since Frequency, for a reason that only became clear later, I found myself slowly backing away from the desk and waving while she was smiling from this comment. During the concert, I found myself watching her a lot, and not just because she was the singer of the group. In the short time I saw and spoke to her, she just seemed like this incredibly beautiful, smart, funny, down-to-earth woman. The next morning, I was experiencing this rather familiar feeling in my heart, and it took me a while to figure out what it was. I really hate to say it, but Saturday, during the concert, I became smitten with Liz Enthusiasm.
Here's the thing: I don't want to be.
Believe it or not, in a way I'm glad I feel this way, because I always thought my capacity for this feeling had died off many years ago, as hooking up with someone hasn't been a priority for me for a long time. But the way it happened, and with who, it's not cool.
I've always felt that feelings of this kind toward a celebrity is pointless, because absolutely nothing will come of it. It's not like this is someone I'll see constantly. This is most likely a one-time thing, unless they hold another concert around here. I met her on tour, I was a fan to her, nothing more. There will be no mention of me on the band's website or her blog, they won't hold any last-minute concerts in Portland in a vain attempt to see me again, she is not lying awake at night thinking of that lovable chunky guy at that arcade. This is nothing more than infatuation, a schoolyard crush, puppy love. My brain has realized all of this, my heart has not. And so far, my firm rooting in reality is the only thing keeping me in check, from turning into some whiny, blubbering idiot.
This feeling I have has been a constant ever since Sunday and doesn't want to go away. I'm afraid if it goes on, it's gonna interfere with work, or not let me sleep at night, or keep me from being my usual happy self. I don't need that. But nothing I tell myself stops it, despite all the logic I throw at me. And for once, I am completely out of ideas on how to solve this problem, except for one:
I need someone to break my heart.
I feel I need to reiterate this in case someone doesn't believe me: I need someone to break my heart.
I need to hear something that will totally crush me, break my spirit, convince my heart that I shouldn't feel like this anymore and move on. Since I can't seem to get the job done myself, I'm asking for outside help on this. If someone out there feels they can get the job done, either to help a guy out, or they simply want to satisfy that sick desire they've always had to break a man emotionally, here's your chance.
Post anonymously if you want, but I won't think bad of anyone who doesn't because this is by request. Pretend you're Liz if you feel you can get away with it, but I'm a highly skeptical person and would require some sort of proof you are her. I really don't care how you do it, but I desperately need the help.
The only restriction I have is just to stick with attempts to break my heart in regards to Liz Enthusiasm. I don't want someone telling me how the rest of my life is going badly, or try to ruin women for me permanently. I don't even want to hate Freezepop or their music, just this one thing. In other words, break my heart, just don't be a douche.
As I posted recently, on Saturday I went to see Freezepop in concert at an arcade in downtown Portland. While I was there, I got to speak to the lead singer of the band, Liz Enthusiasm, as well as the other members. I distinctly remember looking at the merch there, trying to find one of their regular CDs, but they had sold out the day before. Liz was at the table, so I spoke with her for a few seconds, nothing big. But when I mentioned I had been a fan of the band since Frequency, for a reason that only became clear later, I found myself slowly backing away from the desk and waving while she was smiling from this comment. During the concert, I found myself watching her a lot, and not just because she was the singer of the group. In the short time I saw and spoke to her, she just seemed like this incredibly beautiful, smart, funny, down-to-earth woman. The next morning, I was experiencing this rather familiar feeling in my heart, and it took me a while to figure out what it was. I really hate to say it, but Saturday, during the concert, I became smitten with Liz Enthusiasm.
Here's the thing: I don't want to be.
Believe it or not, in a way I'm glad I feel this way, because I always thought my capacity for this feeling had died off many years ago, as hooking up with someone hasn't been a priority for me for a long time. But the way it happened, and with who, it's not cool.
I've always felt that feelings of this kind toward a celebrity is pointless, because absolutely nothing will come of it. It's not like this is someone I'll see constantly. This is most likely a one-time thing, unless they hold another concert around here. I met her on tour, I was a fan to her, nothing more. There will be no mention of me on the band's website or her blog, they won't hold any last-minute concerts in Portland in a vain attempt to see me again, she is not lying awake at night thinking of that lovable chunky guy at that arcade. This is nothing more than infatuation, a schoolyard crush, puppy love. My brain has realized all of this, my heart has not. And so far, my firm rooting in reality is the only thing keeping me in check, from turning into some whiny, blubbering idiot.
This feeling I have has been a constant ever since Sunday and doesn't want to go away. I'm afraid if it goes on, it's gonna interfere with work, or not let me sleep at night, or keep me from being my usual happy self. I don't need that. But nothing I tell myself stops it, despite all the logic I throw at me. And for once, I am completely out of ideas on how to solve this problem, except for one:
I need someone to break my heart.
I feel I need to reiterate this in case someone doesn't believe me: I need someone to break my heart.
I need to hear something that will totally crush me, break my spirit, convince my heart that I shouldn't feel like this anymore and move on. Since I can't seem to get the job done myself, I'm asking for outside help on this. If someone out there feels they can get the job done, either to help a guy out, or they simply want to satisfy that sick desire they've always had to break a man emotionally, here's your chance.
Post anonymously if you want, but I won't think bad of anyone who doesn't because this is by request. Pretend you're Liz if you feel you can get away with it, but I'm a highly skeptical person and would require some sort of proof you are her. I really don't care how you do it, but I desperately need the help.
The only restriction I have is just to stick with attempts to break my heart in regards to Liz Enthusiasm. I don't want someone telling me how the rest of my life is going badly, or try to ruin women for me permanently. I don't even want to hate Freezepop or their music, just this one thing. In other words, break my heart, just don't be a douche.