Until the very End
After having my heart break into a million of little pieces from watching Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallow 2 aka The End of my Childhood, I've gone into such an HP depression (with countless of other HP fans of either/both films and books). I seriously did not ever expect myself to mourn over Snape's death as much as I have and I've realized that he is possibly my favorite character now. It used to be Sirius and boy, when he died.....let's just say I never felt so angry with an author in my life. Of course, that was my sentiment before JK killed off Dumbledore and after finishing the HBP, I did not read the last book until now.
I absolutely feared the death of the others.
And, truth be told, I was completely dreading Snape's death. I knew it would be coming somewhere in me because you simply don't just murder the sweetest and most beloved character of HP (Dumbledore) and get away with it. I also knew, in my heart of hearts, that Snape was not evil, that there was more to him and the plot. I never hated him for a moment -- I was pretty pissed and I cried (bawled, really), and absolutely detested JK Rowling for the kill spree she was on. But I never thought that Snape was completely evil.
And so, last...just this past Monday night, I went and watched the movie with my friends. I am serious when I say that I am traumatized by Snape's death scene. And, God, Alan Rickman is complete perfection; I know Snape is supposed to be simply 36 - 38 but Rickman portrayed Snape so damn beautifully, there is no one else who could be him. Rickman has embedded himself into Snape's image for me and I'm sure for others.
I remember watching the first HP movie when I was in 7th grade. It was a field trip and its purpose was to compare it to the book. Before reading HP, I was never very fond of reading (I was more into writing fanfiction about NSYNC and climbing up trees) and I distinctly remember looking at the cover of the Sorceror's Stone and being vaguely intrigued. I had no idea just who the hell Harry Potter was and why exactly was I assigned to read the damn book. My whole reading class was as thrilled as I was.
But when we read the first chapter aloud in class, we were enthralled. The bell had rang to change classes and no one moved from their seats or even looked up from the pages. We still had two more pages to go and we just kept reading. Our teacher let us read on maybe from the mere joy of that magical moment in a teacher's life when your students are completely engaged in their activity. I fell in love with Harry Potter in that first chapter. And after school, I rushed home and asked my parents to buy me the rest of the series. My sweet, sweet dad, excited to see my wanting to read, wasted no time and we went to the store and bought the next two. And that was it. I was a sworn Harry Potter fan the day I finished the first book and have been since then.
But back to the point.
When I first saw the Sorcerer's Stone film, I was surprised to see Snape look...very different from how I imagined him lol. In my head, he was incredibly hot. But I wasn't disappointed, just shocked. But Rickman's portrayal of him was so spot on even back then that I easily gave into him being Snape. Of course, when I read the HP books along the way, my Snape remained different from Rickman's physicality without problems. I recall my immense disgust at Sirius being played by an old man -- but I was young then and vaguely aware of the godliness that is Gary Oldman.
So when I saw Snape die...well, I was already in tears from the get go but that moment sealed it for me. And watching his memories play only pulled at my heart so much more and I knew that Snape had become my most favorite character and possibly the greatest character out of the whole series. His burdens, his sacrifices -- his bravery.
The films may be done now and I have no doubt that there will be remakes of it for decades to come. But no one will be as brilliant as the original cast and especially as Rickman's Snape (and Fiennes' amazing Voldemort).
What else is left now?
The wonderful books that I can read over and over when I get the chance and possibly still be as shocked coming across the truths as I was the first time. It's been years since I've read the series, I'm pretty sure I've forgotten a lot. It'll be hard to lie to myself, of course. But I'll take what I can, really.
So now, I am on this Alan Rickman/Snape addiction that has to be satisfied or I will probably just mope about HP. I know that sounds silly to some but I know there are others in this exact situation, feeling a hole in their hearts made from knowing that their childhood is done. It'll take some time -- maybe a week, a month, a year -- to realize that it's okay to be have grown up and that magical world we grew alongside still holds it beauty and we can return to it every time we read an HP book or watch an HP film.
Going on this Rickman/Snape spree comforts me, really. It's not out of mourning that I do this, though. It's out of appreciation and respect for the character and the actor. It's to celebrate a fantastical actor who gave life to a remarkable character....and to celebrate that remarkable character himself.
So, if there's anyone reading this and feeling the same or doing the same -- carry on. There's no shame it. It's alright to feel like this and it's more than perfectly fine to crave more out of the stories that have enchanted you.
I'm scourging the internet for great Snape fan works -- specifically fanfiction (Snape/Lily OTP) -- and watching Alan Rickman movies. I'll probably be doing this for a while but thankfully the internet is bountiful with these sorts of treasures. So here I am, snuggled up in bed, celebrating the work of Alan Rickman and the greatness of Severus Snape.
Thanks to them both for being so marvelous.
I absolutely feared the death of the others.
And, truth be told, I was completely dreading Snape's death. I knew it would be coming somewhere in me because you simply don't just murder the sweetest and most beloved character of HP (Dumbledore) and get away with it. I also knew, in my heart of hearts, that Snape was not evil, that there was more to him and the plot. I never hated him for a moment -- I was pretty pissed and I cried (bawled, really), and absolutely detested JK Rowling for the kill spree she was on. But I never thought that Snape was completely evil.
And so, last...just this past Monday night, I went and watched the movie with my friends. I am serious when I say that I am traumatized by Snape's death scene. And, God, Alan Rickman is complete perfection; I know Snape is supposed to be simply 36 - 38 but Rickman portrayed Snape so damn beautifully, there is no one else who could be him. Rickman has embedded himself into Snape's image for me and I'm sure for others.
I remember watching the first HP movie when I was in 7th grade. It was a field trip and its purpose was to compare it to the book. Before reading HP, I was never very fond of reading (I was more into writing fanfiction about NSYNC and climbing up trees) and I distinctly remember looking at the cover of the Sorceror's Stone and being vaguely intrigued. I had no idea just who the hell Harry Potter was and why exactly was I assigned to read the damn book. My whole reading class was as thrilled as I was.
But when we read the first chapter aloud in class, we were enthralled. The bell had rang to change classes and no one moved from their seats or even looked up from the pages. We still had two more pages to go and we just kept reading. Our teacher let us read on maybe from the mere joy of that magical moment in a teacher's life when your students are completely engaged in their activity. I fell in love with Harry Potter in that first chapter. And after school, I rushed home and asked my parents to buy me the rest of the series. My sweet, sweet dad, excited to see my wanting to read, wasted no time and we went to the store and bought the next two. And that was it. I was a sworn Harry Potter fan the day I finished the first book and have been since then.
But back to the point.
When I first saw the Sorcerer's Stone film, I was surprised to see Snape look...very different from how I imagined him lol. In my head, he was incredibly hot. But I wasn't disappointed, just shocked. But Rickman's portrayal of him was so spot on even back then that I easily gave into him being Snape. Of course, when I read the HP books along the way, my Snape remained different from Rickman's physicality without problems. I recall my immense disgust at Sirius being played by an old man -- but I was young then and vaguely aware of the godliness that is Gary Oldman.
So when I saw Snape die...well, I was already in tears from the get go but that moment sealed it for me. And watching his memories play only pulled at my heart so much more and I knew that Snape had become my most favorite character and possibly the greatest character out of the whole series. His burdens, his sacrifices -- his bravery.
The films may be done now and I have no doubt that there will be remakes of it for decades to come. But no one will be as brilliant as the original cast and especially as Rickman's Snape (and Fiennes' amazing Voldemort).
What else is left now?
The wonderful books that I can read over and over when I get the chance and possibly still be as shocked coming across the truths as I was the first time. It's been years since I've read the series, I'm pretty sure I've forgotten a lot. It'll be hard to lie to myself, of course. But I'll take what I can, really.
So now, I am on this Alan Rickman/Snape addiction that has to be satisfied or I will probably just mope about HP. I know that sounds silly to some but I know there are others in this exact situation, feeling a hole in their hearts made from knowing that their childhood is done. It'll take some time -- maybe a week, a month, a year -- to realize that it's okay to be have grown up and that magical world we grew alongside still holds it beauty and we can return to it every time we read an HP book or watch an HP film.
Going on this Rickman/Snape spree comforts me, really. It's not out of mourning that I do this, though. It's out of appreciation and respect for the character and the actor. It's to celebrate a fantastical actor who gave life to a remarkable character....and to celebrate that remarkable character himself.
So, if there's anyone reading this and feeling the same or doing the same -- carry on. There's no shame it. It's alright to feel like this and it's more than perfectly fine to crave more out of the stories that have enchanted you.
I'm scourging the internet for great Snape fan works -- specifically fanfiction (Snape/Lily OTP) -- and watching Alan Rickman movies. I'll probably be doing this for a while but thankfully the internet is bountiful with these sorts of treasures. So here I am, snuggled up in bed, celebrating the work of Alan Rickman and the greatness of Severus Snape.
Thanks to them both for being so marvelous.