totally. i really couldn't afford this trip. but, then again, i really couldn't afford not to take this trip. i tossed out the expense/map thing for anyone else who might be considering a similar journey.
also, when i am asked why i haven't done more, sooner, the reason should become self-evident upon an examination of the expenditure. i just can't afford this stuff.
i dunno. i bought the least expensive, easiest to maintain motorcycle; i stayed with friends and relatives; i borrowed austin swinney's tent and sleeping bag; i ate carrots/bread/seeds/water when on the road. still, it adds up.
if i had the money, i would still be on the road. if i was still on the road, i would still be happy.
are you sensitive to weather? do you find that particular environments affect your mood? what do you think about travel? curious.
i think that you are right on about the risk perception. i think too that i was/am in a state of denial about where i am at - and what sort of rules apply here.
america feels small now. and the city feels tightly-packed. i guess it is. but something weird happens to animals of all sorts when they are confined in the same tiny space. it's not healthy.
i can never afford to do anything i set out to do, so my technique is not to look at my money at all and just do it. this has worked sort of, as long as you don't mind a bit of debt, but debt can be harsh to carry. it's not that your expenses sheet was not interesting, it just made me smirk, a bit like jeeff's cockroach map http://www.citynoise.org/article/1259/by/jeeff mind you, ok, you can't do much about the money you had to spend on fuel, but for everything else it's all money you would have to spend anyway on being alive, so then it is just the equasion of the work issue - if you would have been earning and now you are not then the days cost you that as well. if you wouldn't nave been earnng in that time you may as well be 'elsewhere' if you want to be. the tricky thing is having time and money at the same time, now that is an issue. people who travel a lot have to get the money thing sorted out. weirdly, in principle, i could be anywhere just now, cos i am on benefits, but having been/being ill i am fairly cagey about how to do that within what my needs are now :-( i could certainly do with being in a different environment in some ways, but unfortunately 'i' am not just me in a petri dish perfect body, and i bring all my ailments with me. i have a couple of short trips planned for the new year, so we will see - i feel a need for some less urban vibes. being happy on the road or even on holiday and not when you are home is pretty common, because, of course, you have to face the limitations of your real life. but on the other hand it always gives me a perspective on how i want to solve problems/tackle situations/resolve issues at home sounds to me you need to strategise to get to live somewhere or in some other style that doesn't overexpose you to sardine style living - is that an achievable goal? lots of people do it, after all. i am thinking about similar questions myself. i like my flat, i appreciate my friends, london is sort of conceptually important to me (if that makes sense!), but i have a yearning for the countryside which is becoming more insistent. but i might just need a holiday!
many people seem not to be particularly sensitive to the environment in which they exist; but some of us are very sensitive, indeed. it's important to know what you can expect to leave behind - and what you will bring with you - when you try to change.
i made it a point to study myself, on the trip. i am prone to sudden, and dramatic, shifts in mood. mercurial. though my temperment is not, i think, caused by some chemical imbalance, but rather it is (seems) to be related to exposure to ugliness, violence, waste, etc. american cities are full of the stuff. it is stupidly simply, but i would stand a much better chance of finding some happiness - just leaving. school and my family have connected me to this area, thus far.
i was looking, on the road, for someone, or something, or someplace that felt right. nothing "clicked" in that specal way. but at least i have a better idea of what certain places "feel" like. this was an expidition, searching for a acceptable site to colonize.
well, cheers. here's to that hope of a better place. absent that hope, then what? if life is nothing but suffering, and then death, why not just die, and avoid the suffering? i don't imagine that there are many people who can afford to do what they want, when they want, thinking such things. but those of us who are forced to do what we think is wrong, for people we hate, find such thoughts familiar. and it's too dark.
the old saw "you can be anyone you want to be, and do anything you want to do," is quite damaging. maybe, it's about realistic goals - being honest about what is possible, given the nature of the time and place and person. hmmm. this is turning into the long talk over coffee that i am not having with someone in real life...sorry...
" it's important to know what you can expect to leave behind - and what you will bring with you - when you try to change." never a truer word. the 'escape to the courntry' urge is such a cliche here, but people can often be disappointed, largely, i think because they bring their own discontented mind with them wherever they go!
whenever i go anywhere i imagine myself living there, but there are lots of conditionalities - i could probably be anywhere if i was in a good relationship, but i would still need to make friends. There would have to be appropriate employment, because lack of that can bust up a relationship anyway. if i went on my own there would have to be some kind of skeleton crew of human contact, and not everywhere has sentient thinking people up for grabs (sadly).
self invention is all very well, but we are tied to quite a lot of things. i, for instance, will never now be a child prodigy, but i also have to be realistic about what i can be as well - there are circumstances under which i flourish and those where i seriously droop. and if you are considering major changes it is worth being self aware enough to make ones that at least have a cat's chance of making you happy.
also, when i am asked why i haven't done more, sooner, the reason should become self-evident upon an examination of the expenditure. i just can't afford this stuff.
i dunno. i bought the least expensive, easiest to maintain motorcycle; i stayed with friends and relatives; i borrowed austin swinney's tent and sleeping bag; i ate carrots/bread/seeds/water when on the road. still, it adds up.
if i had the money, i would still be on the road. if i was still on the road, i would still be happy.
are you sensitive to weather? do you find that particular environments affect your mood? what do you think about travel? curious.
i think that you are right on about the risk perception. i think too that i was/am in a state of denial about where i am at - and what sort of rules apply here.
america feels small now. and the city feels tightly-packed. i guess it is. but something weird happens to animals of all sorts when they are confined in the same tiny space. it's not healthy.
Reply
it's not that your expenses sheet was not interesting, it just made me smirk, a bit like jeeff's cockroach map http://www.citynoise.org/article/1259/by/jeeff
mind you, ok, you can't do much about the money you had to spend on fuel, but for everything else it's all money you would have to spend anyway on being alive, so then it is just the equasion of the work issue - if you would have been earning and now you are not then the days cost you that as well. if you wouldn't nave been earnng in that time you may as well be 'elsewhere' if you want to be. the tricky thing is having time and money at the same time, now that is an issue. people who travel a lot have to get the money thing sorted out. weirdly, in principle, i could be anywhere just now, cos i am on benefits, but having been/being ill i am fairly cagey about how to do that within what my needs are now :-(
i could certainly do with being in a different environment in some ways, but unfortunately 'i' am not just me in a petri dish perfect body, and i bring all my ailments with me. i have a couple of short trips planned for the new year, so we will see - i feel a need for some less urban vibes.
being happy on the road or even on holiday and not when you are home is pretty common, because, of course, you have to face the limitations of your real life. but on the other hand it always gives me a perspective on how i want to solve problems/tackle situations/resolve issues at home
sounds to me you need to strategise to get to live somewhere or in some other style that doesn't overexpose you to sardine style living - is that an achievable goal? lots of people do it, after all. i am thinking about similar questions myself. i like my flat, i appreciate my friends, london is sort of conceptually important to me (if that makes sense!), but i have a yearning for the countryside which is becoming more insistent.
but i might just need a holiday!
Reply
many people seem not to be particularly sensitive to the environment in which they exist; but some of us are very sensitive, indeed. it's important to know what you can expect to leave behind - and what you will bring with you - when you try to change.
i made it a point to study myself, on the trip. i am prone to sudden, and dramatic, shifts in mood. mercurial. though my temperment is not, i think, caused by some chemical imbalance, but rather it is (seems) to be related to exposure to ugliness, violence, waste, etc. american cities are full of the stuff. it is stupidly simply, but i would stand a much better chance of finding some happiness - just leaving. school and my family have connected me to this area, thus far.
i was looking, on the road, for someone, or something, or someplace that felt right. nothing "clicked" in that specal way. but at least i have a better idea of what certain places "feel" like. this was an expidition, searching for a acceptable site to colonize.
well, cheers. here's to that hope of a better place. absent that hope, then what? if life is nothing but suffering, and then death, why not just die, and avoid the suffering? i don't imagine that there are many people who can afford to do what they want, when they want, thinking such things. but those of us who are forced to do what we think is wrong, for people we hate, find such thoughts familiar. and it's too dark.
the old saw "you can be anyone you want to be, and do anything you want to do," is quite damaging. maybe, it's about realistic goals - being honest about what is possible, given the nature of the time and place and person. hmmm. this is turning into the long talk over coffee that i am not having with someone in real life...sorry...
Reply
never a truer word. the 'escape to the courntry' urge is such a cliche here, but people can often be disappointed, largely, i think because they bring their own discontented mind with them wherever they go!
whenever i go anywhere i imagine myself living there, but there are lots of conditionalities - i could probably be anywhere if i was in a good relationship, but i would still need to make friends. There would have to be appropriate employment, because lack of that can bust up a relationship anyway. if i went on my own there would have to be some kind of skeleton crew of human contact, and not everywhere has sentient thinking people up for grabs (sadly).
self invention is all very well, but we are tied to quite a lot of things. i, for instance, will never now be a child prodigy, but i also have to be realistic about what i can be as well - there are circumstances under which i flourish and those where i seriously droop. and if you are considering major changes it is worth being self aware enough to make ones that at least have a cat's chance of making you happy.
Reply
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