The plot thickens...
So last night I was woken up by Mike (finally) who basically said the following: I'm an asshole I'm a huge asshole you can't believe what a huge asshole I am. I want to apologize because I felt like you ran out of the house on Sunday when I came out of my room and I don't want it to be like that. I was angry that morning when I found you asleep in my bed, because my computer was on the floor and there was a frying pan next to you. I was angry when you woke me up, even though it upset me that you ran out. Blah blah blah.
I told him - in between all this stuff - that I had left the house on Sunday because I had two exams the following day, not in any way related to him. I also said that I went to sleep in his bed because I needed to talk to him and he'd been avoiding me. I told him that Vinnie put that stupid frying pan there because he thought I was drunker than I was. I told him he wasn't really an asshole. I told him that I didn't care about any of this any more (can you spot the lie?)
He certainly did. He called me on the not caring thing and told me he just doesn't have time for a relationship or whatever. Then he repeated that he was an asshole, that I'm the best girl ever and he hurt me. He then proceeded to list all of the things he likes about me, that I play RPGs, that I love sci/fi movies, that he can talk to me, yadda yadda. I said...it's just stuff I like. I'm used to guys pulling this kind of shit with me, that it really didn't matter. I accepted his stupid apology. He said I deserved better (I'll give him that, it's true). It's frustrating though that I don't want better. I want him to want to make time for me. I don't need much.
Anyway, we then hung out for a little bit, talking and hanging around outside. He complained that I'd given him a boner. I believe I said, "Sucks for you." thinking that it wasn't my problem or my fault. I was dressed respectably. We hung out some more. Then I wanted to go to the bathroom and go to bed. I went to the one in his room, because John was gone whereas in the other room Ashley and Charlie were sleeping. When I came out, Mike asked me if I wanted to sleep with him. "Just cuddling" as he put it. I told him I thought that would be a bad idea and went out to the couch. He came back out of his room and tried again to get me back into his room. I said, "I can't" until he left. He came out a third time, didn't mention sleeping together again, but rather abruptly told me that to shut off the fan and close the window that was by my couch. I thought maybe he was angry at me, but then decided I was being paranoid and tried to go to sleep.
I mean I was just trying to protect myself emotionally. Even if he hadn't tried to have sex with me (which I think it's pretty clear that he would have), cuddling was too much for me to handle. I still like the guy - I know it's stupid - and I thought I'd be angrier when he had this conversation with me, but I wasn't. Which just shows me how attached I still am. If I can't be his girlfriend, then I have to be his friend and not something in between. Still, I couldn't sleep and ended up leaving to come home early.
Only to discover that he defriended me on facebook. What the hell. Is he trying to prove to me that he's such a fucking jerk? And here I am with my heart still in knots. Goddamnit.