Fanfic - It's a Little Bit Funny (This Feeling Inside) - 3/6
Part Two
Following his conversation with Katie, Bradley decides that he needs to figure out what, exactly, might have happened. Contrary to what she thinks, Bradley knows that he is not an idiot. He just needs time to process things every now and then, and considering how much this whole recent situation has thrown him for a bit of a loop, he thinks it's perfectly reasonable that it takes slightly more time to figure it all out.
But it takes very little time and effort for him to actually piece together what Katie was implying during their conversation and the suggestion leaves this weird, tight feeling in his chest that he can’t quite describe. Still, that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. It’s merely one idea amongst many others, and Bradley is determined to prove to himself that there’s more than one logical conclusion to reach.
The best solution - or at least the first one Bradley thinks of - is to make a list of all the different possible reasons as to why Colin might've been on set with them. He's not that much into the idea of lists himself, but Colin swears by them, and since this sort of has to do with him, Bradley figures that’s reason enough to give it a try.
Reasons why Colin may have been there during filming
1) Merlin's scenes were significantly reduced for those episodes
2) Colin could have finished filming faster than everyone else and came to watch
3) Filming for an Arthur & Merlin scene could have been next (or immediately beforehand)
4) Colin committed a horrible atrocity and now Johnny feels the need to keep an eye on him at all times
Bradley chuckles at that idea, then decides to run with it some more, and, just for fun, adds:
5) Colin is actually a secret undercover agent, sent to spy on either me or Angel
He stops, then, and re-reads the list a couple of times, mentally running through the other available options. There are other more legitimate options still remaining - Katie's immediately jumps to mind - but Bradley finds that writing them out is far easier said than done. At the same time, he knows that this whole process would be rather pointless if he didn't consider all the potential options, and so with a measure of reluctance, he gives in and jots down the following:
6) Colin could have been present to increase the sexual tension between Angel and me
7) The whole thing is simply a coincidence and nothing more
There is one more possibility, but even the thought of writing it out makes Bradley blush and roll his eyes at himself, because not only is it supremely ridiculous, there’s also no way the producers would ever know this piece of information. Plus, it would require Colin’s presence during virtually every scene of his, and obviously that isn’t the case, even if they do end up spending the most time with one another during filming. All the same, if he plans to consider every possibility, then this should probably also be included.
8) Scenes are easier to film for me when Colin's around
Bradley cringes at the words, because it makes him feel so unbelievably stupid. Still, for whatever reason, it’s true. Some of his most difficult scenes have been filmed with Colin, and even his mere presence has made it somehow easier, something about his calm, supportive nature seems to give Bradley that little extra kick at times, just when he needs it.
Purposely pushing the thought aside, Bradley moves onto the next step, which involves going through the list and crossing off the least likely options.
Number 8 is the first to go, seeing as how it’s impossible for any of the producers, directors or crew to know that this is true, never mind that they don’t have the kind of budget that would allow one of the stars to constantly hang around the set without working. Besides, even if somehow it was a remote possibility, it would need to extend to every single scene he films, and it doesn’t. He crosses it off.
Unfortunately, amusing as they may be, 4 and 5 are off the list, since they’re not even remotely in the category of ‘realistic’. They are both removed with immense sadness.
Number 1 seems unlikely, seeing as how Merlin is the title character, and Bradley recalls him having quite a significant role in all three episodes. He strikes through that one as well.
Bradley thinks that number 2 might be a reasonable explanation if it’d happened once or twice throughout a season. But considering the frequency with which Colin appeared on set, the likelihood decreases significantly, and he crosses that off next.
Three isn’t necessarily impossible, though doesn’t quite match up to Bradley’s memories, but he leaves that on the list anyway.
When he’s done going through every option, only three remain -
Reasons why Colin may have been there during filming
1) Merlin's scenes were significantly reduced for those episodes
2) Colin could have finished filming faster than everyone else and came to watch
3) Filming for an Arthur & Merlin scene could have been next (or immediately beforehand)
4) Colin committed a horrible atrocity and now Johnny feels the need to keep an eye on him at all times
5) Colin is actually a secret undercover agent, sent to spy on either me or Angel
6) Colin could have been present to increase the sexual tension between Angel and me
7) The whole thing is simply a coincidence and nothing more
8) Scenes are easier to film for me when Colin's around
- and of those three, only two seem genuinely, realistically viable.
It doesn't take long for the implications of that to sink in, and if it turns out to be true that they're playing off of Bradley's sexual tension with Colin in his romantic scenes with Angel - as Katie so fondly seems to believe - then Bradley knows that he might be forced to figure out why that is… and that suddenly feels like a frightening idea.
Shaking his head to clear it of any worries he might have - he still doesn’t know anything concretely, after all - it becomes obvious that it’s time to move into stage two of his plan: calling Johnny Capps directly to find out what’s going on, because if anyone would have the answers, it would be him.
~*~
It takes Bradley four days of playing phone tag with Johnny to finally get through to him. Bradley requests a face to face meeting, but Johnny is so bogged down by work that the best he can offer right then is a phone conversation, and it's certainly better than sitting around stressing over this, so of course he agrees.
“So, Bradley, what can I do for you?” Johnny asks when they connect at last.
“Um, well...” Suddenly, it feels like such a stupid reason to be bothering him, and Bradley has a moment of panic. He can just see it now - Bradley asks him the question about Colin and Johnny bursts out laughing. His laughter is followed by the calling in of all the executive producers in order to share how delusional Bradley is, and they will proceed to mock his daftness, which will be promptly followed by a drastic cut to his screen time. Soon he'll barely have any scenes with Colin, and then he'll rarely appear on screen at all, and they'll make Arthur even more clueless than before, and eventually some evil magical being will just kill him, and Bradley will be out of work and he'll have to turn to begging for money on the streets and-
“Bradley?” Johnny says, cutting right through the stream of madness racing through his overactive imagination.
Right. Yes. He's still on the phone, and Johnny's still waiting for him to say something. He runs a hand through his hair and gets up to grab a glass of water. ”Sorry.”
“That's all right,” Johnny says. What he doesn't say but is clearly implied is, 'I'm a busy man, so if you have something to talk with me about, you might want to do it soon.'
Bradley takes a calm, steadying breath and braces himself for the conversation, pulling a glass out of his cupboard. “Okay, so, I was wondering if you’d seen the Merlin episode that aired about four weeks ago? Where there was that, uh-”
“Editing error?” Johnny interrupts, sounding confident. “Yeah, I heard all about that. Is this why you rang me?”
“Er, yes. Well, sort of.”
“Obviously that wasn’t supposed to happen, but sometimes editing buggers things up. It didn’t bother you, did it?”
It’s a far more complicated question than Bradley knows how to answer, in all honesty. It isn’t that particular mistake that has him concerned, but it’s certainly the starting point. “No, I’m not upset. But I just… I don’t understand where that scene even came from.”
“Ah, I think I understand. Look, Bradley, when I asked you and Colin to do that run-through, I had no idea anything was being recorded until I looked back at the day’s footage and discovered it.”
And that’s fine; it’s fair. But it still doesn’t explain how the scene even made it into the final stage of editing at all. “But why was it even there in the first place?”
Johnny lets out a small sigh, and Bradley thinks that can’t be a good sign. He sinks heavily into one of the kitchen chairs, setting his glass of water down on the table, as yet untouched. “It ended up in final editing because it felt more authentic than what you and Angel had filmed. Perhaps due to the time constraints we were under that day, or the emotions required from you both in earlier scenes, I don’t know. But what I do know is that an accident ended up producing the results we were seeking, and as executive producer, my job is to put together the best programme that I can, using all available resources.”
To be honest, Bradley’s not sure if he’s just been insulted, or possibly Angel has - maybe both of them - and he feels compelled to press this point further. “So, wait, are you telling me that you had to use footage shot with Colin because I wasn’t able to produce the same level of chemistry with Angel?” Try as he might, he’s not entirely successful with keeping the incredulous tone out of his voice.
Bradley likes Angel. A lot. She’s one of the loveliest people he’s ever met and he truly enjoys spending time in her company. She is far less frightening than Katie, and when Colin and Bradley prank her, she just laughs and sends a few glares their way before moving on. Plus, she’s a great listener and friend. So naturally, this idea doesn’t sit well in his stomach for that reason alone, never mind any of the other implications it brings to the table.
“It’s not quite that simple, Bradley. But in some ways, yes, that’s exactly right.”
“Are you trying to imply that I don’t have chemistry with Angel?” he demands, feeling a little hysterical all of a sudden, for reasons that have little to do with Angel.
“No, that’s not what I’m saying at all.”
Bradley blinks back confusion. “I don’t understand.”
“Sometimes actors have off days, or off scenes, where for any number of reasons, things just don’t go quite according to plan.” Silence fills the line, and then, “On that particular day, your run-through with Colin produced the effect we were looking for, so we decided to use that to our advantage. It has absolutely nothing to do with your acting abilities or your chemistry with Angel.”
Relief - and maybe, oddly, a touch of disappointment, even though that reaction is nothing short of ludicrous - washes over him. Unfortunately it is a short-lived relief, when he remembers the other incriminating evidence.
“I suppose that makes sense. But then it still doesn’t explain why something similar happened the next week, in that throne room scene during episode eleven. Or, for that matter, why I can recall Colin being present during the filming of virtually every scene I had with Angel in that whole filming block.”
The little startled cough that Johnny emits tells Bradley that he hadn’t been expecting him to figure that out, never mind confront him about it, and the fact that he clearly wasn’t imagining things in the first place means that he can also cross off number 7 from his list. Only two remain now, and it doesn’t take a genius to do the maths on that one.
Laughing just a bit guiltily, Johnny says, “I guess you caught me.”
It occurs to Bradley that actually confirming his suspicions about Colin's presence during the filming of these scenes could have some fairly significant consequences, and he wonders, perhaps, if it might have been better to simply speculate than to seek the actual truth. Still, it's a bit too late now to back out, considering Johnny's on the phone and he's already essentially asked the question. It is equally likely that the answer would have plagued Bradley until he knew, so in the end, regardless of what the results may indicate, it's probably best that he knows the truth.
Before he can change his mind, Bradley blurts out, “Has Colin been on set during my scenes with Angel to improve the chemistry between Arthur and Gwen?”
An enduring silence fills the space between them, and Bradley feels his throat tightening in nervous anticipation all of a sudden. It feels like hours before he finally answers.
“In some ways. But it was more of an experiment, really. To see if we could put a bit of a different twist on that dynamic…”
Johnny is still talking, but Bradley suddenly can’t hear anything beyond ’in some ways’, which means ’YES’ in his mind. The rest of Johnny’s words blur into one continuous stream of nonsensical babble as his brain struggles to process what this all means. He has a feeling that he is on the cusp of discovering something important, but he can’t quite seem to grasp it just yet, and that merely adds to his frustration.
“-I’m sorry I kept it from you, but I hope you can appreciate why. It’s really nothing to be concerned about, though,” Johnny is saying. But it’s only when he finally stops talking that Bradley realises he’s waiting for some sort of response.
“Yes, well, that’s uh… that’s fine. Thank you for explaining,” he manages to force out, feeling a tad ill.
“It’s my pleasure. Now I’m expected in a meeting, so I have to run. But don’t hesitate to phone me again if you have any other questions. Have a wonderful holiday season and enjoy your time off.”
It isn’t until he hears the click through the line that Bradley realises the conversation is actually over.
It takes Bradley almost a minute to finally end the call from his line, still immobilised by the shock of the revelation from Johnny. He finds himself staring hard at the full glass of water still sitting on the table in front of him, noting for the first time how dry his throat actually is, and somehow manages to bring the cup to his lips. He downs the whole thing in one long gulp, feeling an odd sort of thrill at the way the short-term lack of oxygen makes his head spin.
So then, Katie was right, Bradley muses eventually, when the ability to think coherently returns. He feels as though he should be angry with her, but he can’t seem to muster up the energy. Besides, if he’s being logical, she only planted the idea in his head. She didn’t actually come up with the plan in the first place.
Many things about the conversation with Johnny are bothering Bradley. Out of everything, however, he can't help but focus on the fact that they used his fake run-through with Colin in what was supposed to be a romantic scene with Angel. It wasn’t a mistake that the run-through had aired, only that the truth had been discovered, and that fact is equally bothersome to him.
Sure, Bradley likes Colin. In all truthfulness, he adores him. They'd had a bit of a slow start, neither quite sure of the other, but willing to give it a shot and see what happened. But once Bradley learned how to interpret Colin's Irish brogue and navigate his dark sense of humour, they'd quickly moved from awkward intrigue to best mates. It additionally worked well for their on-screen dynamic, as their real life relationship ran parallel to the characters for the first half of the first series.
So what if he stares at Colin with unabashed affection sometimes? Colin is one of his best mates and quite possibly one of his favourite people in the entire world, and Bradley’s secure enough in himself to not be afraid to show that openly. So what if Colin's smiles elicit a grin from Bradley in return every single time they are aimed in his direction? Colin has a warmth and friendliness about him that inadvertently draws others to him. And almost without fail, if Colin is sad, then so is Bradley. So what if sometimes he is filled with the desire to ruffle Colin’s hair and feed him warm cookies, because Bradley’s noticed that he could probably afford to add a few pounds to his lean frame? Just because he occasionally finds himself watching Colin for a little longer than strictly necessary, sometimes distracted by the way the light hits Colin’s cheekbones, or how it seems to turn his eyes an even deeper shade of blue-
“Stop it,” Bradley scolds himself out loud. He leans forward, folding his hands in his lap and resting his forehead against the smooth tabletop.
All right, so fine… Bradley is willing to accede that maybe it’s possible he is closer to Colin than his other mates, a little more attached. But isn’t that only to be expected, given how much time they spend with one another? And it isn’t as if they just film Merlin together and that’s the end of it; in fact, it’s typical for Bradley and Colin to spend the vast majority of their free time together in the evenings and when they have days off as well. It has even been arranged that whenever possible, they both are given their breaks at the same time.
So, then, naturally, it’s not inconceivable that some of their scenes might have a flavour of “romance” to them, given the closeness of their off-screen relationship. Surely it doesn’t mean that Bradley has feelings for Colin. Does it?
Against his better judgement, Bradley decides to use the internet to his advantage by watching anything he can get his hands on - series one video diaries, joint interviews, this past series’ ’Colin and Bradley’s Merlin Quests’, behind the scenes segments from series two, and the road trip special. (He takes special care to avoid reading any of the comments left by YouTubers after accidentally scrolling through a few of them while watching the first video. The last thing he needs is to add fuel to this particular fire.)
Nearly two hours later, Bradley clicks pause on the last of the quest videos, the evidence laid out before his very eyes. He's always been aware of what some of the fans think about Arthur and Merlin’s - and even his and Colin’s - relationship, and he's more than happy to support them in their enjoyment of the show through whatever means they find satisfying. But never once before has he actually witnessed or truly understood where the claims of the “homoerotic subtext” have come from. Until now, that is. Because if Bradley didn't know himself - well, he might also be inclined to think that there was something more there, between him and Colin, if the way he gazes at Colin is any indication.
It is beginning to look, Bradley thinks, as if he is completely buggered.
~*~
“So, what's the crisis?” John asks with an uncharacteristically sympathetic smile as Bradley pulls open the front door of his flat an hour later.
“I never said there was a crisis,” Bradley argues, backing out of the doorway to permit him to enter. “I just asked if you wanted to come over and have a few beers.”
John shucks his boots and reaches for a hanger out of the hallway closet for his coat. “Well, when you invite me over and then insist I need to cancel any other plans immediately, should I have them, I'm sort of forced to come to the conclusion that there's something going on.”
Bradley chooses to ignore the comment. Instead, he treks into the kitchen and retrieves four beers from the fridge. There is no way he can have this conversation without a small helping of liquid courage. John, for his part, follows wordlessly behind Bradley until they’re seated in the living room, each with a beer in hand.
The first time Bradley speaks again isn’t until he’s nearly finished off his first drink, thoughts careening wildly like a tempest in his mind. He takes a final sip of the beer before setting the bottle down on the coffee table, suddenly fascinated by the condensation on the outside, as if it is the most amazing sight he’s ever beheld.
“How do you know if you-um, if you fancy someone?” he finally manages to ask.
It is such a stupid question, he knows, and Bradley can feel his whole body tense the second the words leave his mouth, muscles coiling tightly. But it’s also a necessary one, because this is something he has to sort out. Right this instant.
“You think you fancy someone?” is the first thing out of John’s mouth, curiosity apparently getting the better of him.
Bradley’s eyes dart up to meet John’s gaze as he watches Bradley with interest, and Bradley finds that he can’t maintain the contact without feeling utterly exposed.
“Yes. No. Well, maybe. Er, I don’t know. But I think I might? I just…”
“It’s okay, mate,” John interrupts. “I’ll help you figure it out.”
“Thank you.” Bradley takes this opportunity to open another beer.
“Now, you know I’m no expert or anything, but let me ask you a few questions. First of all, do you enjoy spending time with this person?”
That is an understatement. “Yes. Quite a bit.”
John ducks his chin. “Okay, good. Let’s keep going with this. Would you rather spend time with this person than your other mates?” - That goes without saying, so he nods - “Do you find yourself noticing their physical, uh, attributes?” - If that other night at the pub with Colin was any indication, then he has to say yes - “Do you spend an excessive amount of time thinking about this person?” - He’s never really stopped to consider it before, but now that he is, he’s forced to admit that he does think about Colin. A hell of a lot - “Have you ever brought yourself off to the thought of this person-”
“John!” Bradley squawks in horror, cutting him off, face turning red even though he very much hasn’t.
“Sorry, sorry, just asking,” John says, raising his hands in surrender, though he doesn’t look nearly as contrite as Bradley thinks he should. “All right, so last question: Have you imagined yourself being with this person in a romantic way? Or if not, could you?”
It is the ultimate question. In a lot of ways, at least during the eight months of the year when they are filming Merlin, Bradley and Colin spend so much time together that they could almost, in theory, be in a relationship of sorts. Minus the sex, of course. It also isn’t altogether uncommon for either of them to fall asleep in the other’s room. But Bradley can honestly say he’s never explicitly thought about being with Colin - both in the physical and the life partner sense, despite noting his own general attraction to his co-star. He’s always just assumed that it was a natural consequence of working so closely with someone on a television series. Nothing worth dwelling on.
But for a few seconds, while he’s being granted the opportunity, Bradley takes a moment to imagine what it might be like, in theory, to actually be with Colin - to wake up every morning tangled up in each other, to grab his hand and entwine their fingers as they stroll down the street, to feel Colin’s mouth meld with his own as they kiss, to go on a holiday together, to feel the swell of Colin’s erection beneath his hands, to steal secret smiles and touches and kisses between takes on set, to watch the ecstasy splayed across Colin’s face as he comes from Bradley’s touch, to laugh and to fight and to simply love…
At the heat that is beginning to pool in his groin, Bradley knows he finally has a definitive answer, though how it has taken so long to figure it out, he thinks he might never know. More importantly, however, is what the hell does he do now, with this new, overwhelming information?
“So, who is she?” John eventually asks, breaking the heavy silence that has fallen in the room.
Bradley ducks his head, keeping his eyes fixed on his feet, silent. Every few seconds he has to remind himself to keep breathing.
“…Or he?” John ventures a moment later. It’s no secret to any of Bradley’s friends that he’s experimented with blokes before, though has not, as of yet, been in a long-term relationship with a man.
Bradley knows that John’s speaking, but he can’t quite process what he’s saying over the roar of his own internal dialogue. One fact races over and over in his mind: There’s a reason… There’s a reason why some people think that Arthur and Merlin are in love, a reason why Johnny decided to use that particular scene in the show, a reason why Bradley can and will spend all of his time with Colin, if he is able to.
“Fuck,” Bradley says, at length, when the enormity of this revelation finally hits him like a punch to the gut. “Fuck.“
Both of John’s eyebrows dart to his hairline, and he looks mildly alarmed all of a sudden. “What’s wrong? I’m sorry if I offended you. I shouldn’t have asked who you fancy. It’s none of my business.”
Groaning loudly, Bradley buries his face in his hands, a sick feeling washing over him that has nothing to do with the alcohol he’s just consumed, and before he can stop himself, he hears the words tumble from his lips: “I think I might be absolutely and utterly besotted with Colin Morgan.”
~*~
The rest of December flies by, and before Bradley even knows what’s happening, Christmas arrives. He spends the holidays with his family back in Devon, which turns out to be quite the experience. Bradley has a tendency to try and avoid spending too much time in the same room as all of his extended family, as they like to poke and prod into his personal life as if it’s their business whether or not he is seeing anyone or has plans to settle down somewhere more permanent. He knows they only ask because they care, but he’s growing steadily tired year after year of their meddlesome questions.
But because it means so much to his mum that she have her son home for the holidays, he finds he can never resist. Besides, he barely sees his sister these days, so it’s nice to have an excuse to hassle her for several days in a row, like he used to when they were small.
He also spends the vast majority of the time trying to not think about Colin. Naturally, it is a massive failure. It also doesn’t help that he receives a text message from him just after dinner on Christmas day, saying: Merry Xmas, Bradley. I hope your holidays are great. He forces himself to wait at least half an hour before responding, and if anyone notices the stupid grin on his face the remainder of the evening, they keep it to themselves.
Though every once in a while for the rest of the night, his mum shoots him an inquisitive look, even though she doesn’t say a word, and Bradley wonders if maybe she suspects something after all.
~*~
When he receives a phone call from Katie a couple of days later, he knows that it can’t lead to anything good.
“So, Angel and I are hosting a New Year’s Eve party. You should come. And by ‘should’, what I really mean is that we’ll expect you there. Feel free to bring a date or friend or whoever you like, though. Also, Colin’s apparently going to be in town, so he’ll be there too, which should be all the more motivation.”
There are so many things to respond to in that brief statement that Bradley doesn’t know where to begin. Since when do Angel and Katie host parties together? Why does she expect him to simply drop any other plans he’s made? How does she know Colin’s going to be in London? And most importantly - why didn’t Colin tell him he was going to be here for New Year’s? (He ignores the other question of why his heart starts fluttering in his chest the instant Katie mentions Colin’s name, because the answer to that is sadly obvious.)
Bradley thinks all of these things in his head, but the only word that manages to make its way out of his mouth is: “Okay.”
“Excellent, we'll see you then.” He jots down the information onto a scrap of paper before hanging up the phone.
He has a bad feeling about this.
~*~
Bradley makes the conscious choice to go to the party on his own, tempted as he is to ring Colin beforehand and suggest they go together. But the reality is that he’s not entirely sure how he’s going to react to seeing Colin again, now that he’s aware of his newly discovered feelings for his co-star, and he figures it’s probably safer to meet him there instead. Hopefully having other people around will prove to be a good buffer, should anything become awkward.
The house - which is apparently Angel’s parents’ place - is larger than he expects. It looks beautiful from the outside, so he can only imagine what it will be like inside. Others before him seem to just walk right in, so Bradley follows suit and does the same, a bundle of nerves coiling in his belly in anticipation as he grabs the door handle and pulls it open.
Not surprisingly, Bradley finds Katie, Angel and Colin all standing together just past the front entrance.
Bradley manages to make his way into the house and close the door before he nearly stops dead in his tracks at the sight of Colin. It’s not as if he’s wearing anything all that out of the ordinary, but Bradley will be damned if Colin looks anything short of unbelievably sexy. He’s wearing a black short-sleeved t-shirt over a white long-sleeved shirt, with well fitted dark blue jeans. His hair is short and tousled, as if he’s just run a hand through it a few times. The sight of Colin shouldn’t make him react this way - he hadn’t expected to respond to him quite like this, since the revelation happened, even if it makes sense - but Bradley can barely keep his jaw from dropping, and he’s grateful for the dark lighting, which hides the flush that instantly stains his cheeks.
His only saving grace happens to be the fact that Angel and Katie have noticed him, and are rushing to embrace him as though he’s the long lost brother they’ve never met.
As soon as they finally release him, Bradley realises everyone is waiting for his reaction to Colin. Not knowing what else to do, Bradley smiles broadly at Colin and pushes down his embarrassment and nervousness to clap him on the shoulder, squeezing briefly. “Nice to see you again, mate,” he says.
“You too,” Colin replies, grin bright.
They spend a few minutes catching up and updating each other on what they’ve been up to since filming ended. At some point, Katie notices an attractive bloke and she and Angel start giggling and whispering about him. Which opens up the opportunity for Bradley and Colin to talk.
“So, how’s the cooking coming along? Have you tried any new recipes since I left, or are you back to being a carnivore again?” is the first thing Colin asks. He makes it sound like some sort of criminal act.
Bradley chuckles. “Oi! I’m offended, Col.” He places a hand on his heart dramatically, which elicits a laugh from Colin. In all honesty, he’s done both, though he’s yet to sort out why he’s still eating vegetarian meals at least three times a week, in spite of the fact that he still greatly prefers meat. Thankfully, Colin doesn’t push the issue.
“Hey, so, before I forget,” Colin says, reaching into his pocket and fishing around, “I thought I should return the spare key to your flat. Guess I must have forgotten.”
This is, of course, the exact moment when Katie decides to start listening in on their conversation again, and before he can even reach out to grab the proffered key from Colin's hand, Katie is flailing about with a wild look in her eyes.
“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what? Hold on one second. Are you trying to tell me that Colin has a spare key to your flat, Bradley? Have you two been rooming together without telling us?” She looks positively ecstatic, eyes wide and lips curved into a mischievous smirk, and dear God could she possibly speak any louder?
“Katie, shut up or the whole party's going to hear you,” Bradley scolds and rolls his eyes. “And no, we're not rooming together. Stop making everything sound so sordid all the time.”
Angel chuckles softly into the back of her hand, trying to mask it as a yawn, but Bradley knows better. Still, it's Katie who's causing him trouble at present, so he keeps his focus trained on her.
“Please. No one here cares that much about you.” She waves her hand dismissively. ”So, why does Colin have a key to your flat?”
“Because he was staying in London at the end of November and you know how expensive hotels can be. Thought I'd save him the hassle and offered to share my flat for a week.”
“Well, that was awfully kind of you,” she says, even though her tone of voice seems to directly contradict her words.
“Yes, it was.”
“I bet you were a terrible flatmate. Probably made poor Colin sleep on the floor and live in your filth and eat animals.”
“Hey! I resent that!” Bradley exclaims, affronted. He folds his arms across his chest and tries to pout.
“He was a great host, actually,” Colin jumps in then, and Bradley holds back a groan. While he appreciates the fact that Colin's clearly trying to defend his honour, he really sort of wishes he'd also just keep his mouth shut around the girls. If you give them even the tiniest detail, they'll run with it for months. As it is, they've probably already given Katie enough ammunition to last the duration of filming for series four. “He gave me the bedroom, didn't charge me anything, and even made vegetarian meals for us in the evenings.”
“And my place was spotless, I tell you,” Bradley adds, with the hope of distracting Katie from the other information that was just shared with her.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work. “You mean to tell me that Bradley cooked vegetarian dinners for you? If that isn’t the sign of true-” at Bradley’s fierce glare, however, she pauses, “-friendship, I don’t know what is.”
“I made the food for both of us. I had to cook something for myself anyway, Katie,” he retorts, and fights the urge to stick his tongue out. Luckily for everyone, Bradley is far more mature than that. (He’ll just wait until she can’t see him.)
“I think what Katie is trying to say,” Angel interjects, since she can probably see where this is leading, “is that you did a nice thing for Colin, and we’re both really happy to see you again.”
Everyone knows, of course, that this is not what Katie was trying to say, but it seems to defuse the situation before it gets out of hand, so no one complains.
“Thank you, Angel.” Bradley smiles gratefully at her, and she reaches out to squeeze his arm. “It’s great to see you too.”
It seems like more people are arriving, so thankfully, Angel drags Katie away to tend to her hosting duties, leaving Bradley alone with Colin.
Which would be wonderful, if Bradley's heart wasn't racing and his thoughts spinning out of control. God, how had he never noticed how utterly gorgeous Colin was before tonight? Those full, pink lips and striking cheekbones, begging to be touched; the strong line of his jaw and- Bradley mentally shakes himself, forcing the thoughts from his mind. Now is not the time or the place to be indulging such things, especially not with Colin standing right in front of him.
Not quite knowing what to do all of a sudden, which is incredibly frustrating for Bradley, he slings an arm around Colin’s shoulder and leads him towards the food table. “So, tell me, how was Christmas with your family? I’ve no doubt it was far more enjoyable than mine.”
~*~
Bradley should have known this was all going too well, after joking around and chatting with Colin for the better part of an hour. He’s even managed to calm down and behave almost as a normal person might. He should have suspected that something would mess everything up. He just sort of never anticipated that it would be Angel, of all people.
“Hey, Colin, I know you didn’t sign up for this when you agreed to come to the party, but one of my good friends is here tonight, and I thought you two might hit it off,” Angel says, by way of greeting after she corners them at the food table a short while later.
Bradley feels his heart plummet to his feet and he actively resists the urge to frown. This is not a welcome bit of information at all.
“Oh?” Colin asks, both eyebrows darting to the ceiling in an uncanny imitation of Gaius.
“Yeah, I know you’ve probably heard that so many times before, but I promise you she’s a great girl; funny and smart and sweet. You two have a lot in common, actually.”
“Which all basically means that she has a lovely personality but isn’t anything to look at,” Bradley lets slip, quite by accident.
“Bradley!” Angel gasps, and reaches out to smack his arm. “That is so rude. And she’s quite beautiful, actually.”
He tries not to groan, biting his tongue, for once.
“So, what do you say, Colin?” Angel asks with a hopeful little grin. “No pressure. But just give her a chance. She’s fantastic, I promise.”
Bradley doesn’t realise he’s holding his breath at all until he hears Colin’s, “Erm, sure, I guess so.”
And this is the moment when Bradley knows that the night is about to get worse.
~*~
Unfortunately for him, it does just that, because Angel’s friend, Lila, is both beautiful and incredibly charming. And it’s obvious that Colin thinks so too, if his content little smile is any indication. She apparently loves all that indie music stuff that Colin adores so much, is a vegetarian, and her favourite actor is Sean Penn. Bloody fantastic, Bradley thinks. Could they have any more in common?
When Colin politely excuses them with an apologetic smile a few minutes later, Bradley feels just a bit like crying, even though he knows he’s being pathetic.
He decides to head over to the alcohol table instead, since that might be the only thing that will get him through this evening, now that Colin’s been accosted by some beautiful girl that might as well be his future wife.
~*~
An hour passes with no sign of Colin and Lila, and Bradley is beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol in his system, which is particularly bad, since Katie has found Rupert and apparently decided that he and Bradley need to be hanging out this very instant.
“I don’t get what’s so great about blondes,” Bradley mutters, mostly to himself. “And what’s so terrible about chicken or beef or pork? Honestly, who eats like that anyway?”
“I definitely agree with you about the blondes,” Katie says, trying to interject her thoughts, almost as if she were trying to demonstrate some form of compassion for him, but Bradley barely hears her.
“I’m perfectly fine here all by myself. Don’t need anyone to keep me entertained. I can have fun without him. Hell, I can find my own blonde. I should do that, see how much he likes it.”
Rupert eyes Bradley warily and turns an inquisitive expression on Katie. “What’s with him?”
She shrugs nonchalantly, taking another sip out of her glass. It’s some brightly coloured drink that Bradley has no doubt looks girly but is actually quite potent, knowing Katie. “Not entirely sure, but I would guess he’s upset over the fact that Angel set Colin up with one of her friends.”
“Cheers to that,” Bradley says, and then thinks that he really needs to shut the hell up right about now.
“Oh. Okay, then,” Rupert says, at length, as though he understands.
But he certainly doesn’t sound like he understands. Though, in all fairness, neither does Bradley.
~*~
Several drinks later - far more than he should be consuming in such a short period of time - Bradley isn't feeling so hot. In fact, he feels downright awful -- tired, overheated, light-headed, and maybe just a bit lovesick. He’d only intended on having a couple of drinks to lighten up. (He's also lost track of both Katie and Rupert at some point over the past hour, though he’s unclear on the details.) This is not what he expected. Closing his eyes, Bradley slumps against the wall at the end of a hall he’d managed to stumble to, grateful for the fact that no one seems to have noticed his presence. This hallway is slightly less crowded than the living room where all the action is, but he's still having a hard time breathing, as if he's suffocating on his own air.
Bradley tries to force his mind to focus on something else, anything else, something that is not Colin - where he is, who he's with, and especially not what he might be doing with said companion - but he can't do it, much as he desperately wants to. Stupid Angel and her stupid friends. Stupid Katie for not doing anything to actively prevent this even though she seemingly knew about it from the start. Stupid Lila and her pretty blonde, non-ginger hair. Stupid Colin for looking enthusiastic and eager to 'get to know her'. But mostly, Bradley just thinks that he himself is the stupidest of them all for ever believing he could keep his crush on Colin under control in the first place. He knew this would be a bad idea, coming to this party, and now he's alone, pissed, and feeling right miserable.
This is ridiculous, that Bradley should be so upset about Angel setting Colin up with one of her friends at all. It's not as if Bradley has laid any claim to him. And it's sure not as if Colin even has a clue as to how Bradley feels about him. Hell, Bradley only just came to the realisation himself a few weeks ago. They're at a New Year’s party, and he should be having fun, making new friends and trying to find someone to kiss when 2011 rolls in. But instead, he's wallowing in a pit of his own self-induced sorrow, like some pathetic lovelorn fool. Bradley knows that he's going to have to learn how to deal with watching Colin date other people, without resorting to alcohol, if he ever hopes to survive the next couple of years. Or just tell Colin how he feels. But somehow that seems like too big of a risk, without any inkling of whether his affections may be returned. It's not just their friendship that could be in jeopardy, but the show as well, and the simple fact of the matter is that Colin means the world to him. Right now, Bradley would far prefer to suffer in silence than lose Colin as his best mate, much as this whole situation is pure shite.
For a brief moment, Bradley considers getting another drink, but when he attempts to push away from the wall, the world starts spinning uncontrollably, and Bradley decides that staying here after all is just as suitable an option. Perhaps if he remains glued to this spot for another couple of hours, enough people will leave or pass out that he can just crawl his way out the front door without alerting anyone.
While he's thinking about how his life suddenly took a turn for the worse, someone bumps into his side, probably on their way to the loo. If it’s even down this hall. He’s not all that sure, to be honest.
“Sorry,” Bradley mutters absently, keeping his eyes closed and head resting against the wall, arms folded protectively across his chest.
“Bradley?”
The voice nearly stops his heart in his chest.
“Colin?” he asks, prying both eyes open and forcing himself to glance over at Colin, afraid of what he might see - swollen lips, ruffled hair, clothes in disarray. Thankfully, he looks relatively intact, though that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
“What are you doing down here by yourself?” Colin asks, sounding concerned. They’re so close, too close. Bradley feels his pulse begin to race.
Bradley isn’t quite sure how to respond to that. Somehow he thinks, ’I came to wallow in my own self-pity because I drank too much with the intention of trying to forget the fact that you were off with some beautiful girl doing God knows what’ won’t go over all that well. Instead he settles on a half-truth. “Too many people in the living room. I needed to get away.” There may or may not be a bit of a slur to his voice, though he can’t quite tell.
Colin frowns, eyeing him suspiciously. “How much have you had to drink?”
Does he honestly expect Bradley to do maths? Now? He’s not even sure he can form coherent sentences, never mind do something as complicated as maths. “I don’t know. A lot?”
And then, to make matters worse, Colin’s hands are suddenly on him, at his shoulder and one on his forehead, and Bradley is trying to ignore the way Colin’s touch sets his skin on fire, makes his breath hitch involuntarily in his throat, because he’s not operating on all systems at the moment, and doesn’t want to do anything that he might regret later.
“You’re burning up, Bradley,” Colin says, brushing a piece of damp hair from Bradley’s forehead as he removes his hand. “Let’s get you outside to cool off a bit. It’ll make you feel better, yeah?”
Colin takes a couple of steps forwards, and really, Bradley wants to follow, but he just doesn’t think he can move quite yet. “I’ll be there in a few minutes, I promise,” he says, allowing his head to fall back against the wall.
“No, you should come now, Bradley,” Colin insists, moving back into his personal space. And then Bradley feels a warm hand curl around his own, gripping it firmly. Bradley’s eyes widen in shock as he stares down at his hand cradled in Colin’s, and he thinks he might actually pass out right then and there.
But Colin simply smiles at him with that little smirk that always makes Bradley grin in return - and now makes his heart flutter ridiculously in his chest - and Colin tugs gently on Bradley’s hand. “I’ll help you. Come on, let’s go.”
Bradley follows obediently after Colin, sticking close to his side, and for a while, he wonders if he's fallen asleep and is in some sort of wonderful dream, because the Colin Morgan he knows is not a hand-holder, nor is he particularly physically affectionate. But this Colin is still grasping Bradley's hand firmly in his own, leading them through the very open and very public house, seemingly unconcerned with whether or not anyone notices. It's not as if they're flaunting their joined hands, but neither are they doing anything to hide the fact, and it would certainly be easy enough for someone to glance down and see the evidence for themselves.
The thought sends a thrill down his spine, and in a moment of alcohol-induced courage, Bradley decides to test the waters a little, knowing he has a ready excuse to fall back on, should this all go horribly wrong. As they wend their way through the crowd in the living room - honestly, how is this house so large - he shifts his hold on Colin’s hand, entwining their fingers in the process. It feels both exhilarating and terrifying in equal measure, and he holds his breath in anticipation of Colin’s reaction.
For his part, Colin barely reacts at all. He glances down quietly at their hands, hesitating for a mere fraction of a second, before he continues to guide Bradley through the throngs of people towards the front door. Bradley feels triumphant, and leans into Colin, resting his cheek briefly against Colin’s shoulder.
The cool air outside hits him like a slap to the face, but Bradley can finally breathe again, and he gulps in air greedily, not caring how ridiculous he must look. There are a surprising number of people out on the front deck, but Colin manages to guide them towards a couple of unoccupied chairs off to the side, away from most of the activity.
“Here, sit down,” Colin instructs, gently prying his hand from Bradley’s in order to guide him into the chair.
“Thanks,” Bradley says. It is a cool evening, but everything feels so much colder now that he’s not pressed into Colin’s side, clutching at his hand. He feels the loss immensely.
Neither says anything for a few minutes, simply sitting in their cold chairs, instinctively leaning into one another ever so slightly.
“So, what happened?” Bradley asks, at length. He's not sure he even wants to know the answer, but better to find out now, while he's drunk enough to handle the news, than when he's recovering from a hang-over.
Colin furrows his brows. “What do you mean?”
“With Lily. Or Lila. Or whatever her name was. Is. Er, what happened with her?”
The question is supposed to come across as casual, maybe even disinterested, but the way Colin's staring at him right now, he suspects that plan backfired.
“Nothing,” Colin says slowly, hesitantly, as though Bradley’s just sprouted wings right before his eyes.
“Nothing,” Bradley repeats, but he is still unconvinced. “Define 'nothing.' You've been with her for more than two hours. You must have done something.”
There is a long pause, and then, “I don't work like that.” His voice is soft, sounding almost a little hurt at the implication, and Bradley instantly feels guilty.
“I know. That's not what I- I didn't mean it like that.”
Colin nods, rubbing the back of his neck. “Okay. Okay, that’s good.”
It's starting to snow, just a light dusting of white powder against a dark backdrop, but even though there is a chill outside, it still doesn’t feel cold enough for snow somehow. Still, the sight creates such a beautiful atmosphere, like something you’d see in one of those cheesy Christmas specials on TV that everyone claims are corny, but still makes them cry anyway. Not that Bradley knows anything about that, of course.
He knows he should leave well enough alone, but he still doesn’t know exactly what happened, and that’s not something he can let go of just yet.
“So, did you- did you guys snog, then?”
“Bradley!”
“We’re mates, right? Mates talk about these sorts of things,” Bradley says in defense, holding up both hands in surrender.
Colin regards Bradley with confused curiosity, and something else that Bradley can’t quite decipher. Shaking his head, Colin leans forward to rest his forearms on his thighs. “What part of nothing did you not understand?” he asks quietly.
“I might be a little bit pissed. ‘m not processing things like normal.”
This elicits a chuckle from Colin, and he looks over at Bradley with a smile. “Yes, clearly. Well, if you must know, nothing happened. We talked; that’s it.”
“Really?” Bradley’s heart does a little flip in his chest at the news, but he manages to push down the excitement long enough to show some semblance of concern. “How come? Was she really boring? Not a fan of Merlin? Did you find out she’s secretly a ginger?”
Colin knocks Bradley’s knee with his own, laughing lightly. But just as quickly as the mirth appears, he seems to sober. “No, she was nice. A very sweet girl, in fact. Just- not right for me.”
There’s something more there, something Colin’s not telling him. Even in his inebriated state, he knows Colin well enough to know that. But there is a finality to his tone, one that says there’s nothing else to discuss here, don’t ask, so Bradley decides to drop it. Besides, he has the answer he wants, and he can breathe easier, knowing that Colin hadn’t done anything with that girl, even as his brain reminds him that there will be others in the future.
“So, what were you doing in that hallway by yourself?” Colin asks then, staring out towards the street.
Bradley shrugs casually, even though Colin can’t see him. “I wasn’t feeling well,” he says. It’s mostly true. Besides, the truth is really embarrassing, especially now that he knows he had nothing to be stressed out about to begin with.
“Were you drinking by yourself, then?”
“No!” Bradley immediately retorts. But then, when Colin tosses another glance over at him, he amends the answer to, “Well, not the whole time.”
Colin seems to consider this. “Did you have fun tonight?” he asks, eventually.
“Not really. But I am now,” Bradley says, before his brain has time to filter the response, and if it weren’t for the temperature outside, he’s quite sure he’d be blushing red hot.
A fond smile is turned on Bradley as Colin leans back in his chair. “I’m sorry I abandoned you, though. We both should be piss drunk right now, instead of just you.”
“It’s all right,” Bradley says, and this time he means it. Because now that he has Colin’s full attention again, nothing else really matters any longer.
Someone yells outside that it’s almost New Year’s, and that the countdown is about to begin, which causes a round of cheers to erupt on the porch.
“You cold? You want to go inside?” Colin asks then.
But Bradley shakes his head. “No, I’m good. I’m fine. How about you? You don’t need to stay out here with me if you’re cold.”
“Nah, I’m good. It was too hot in there anyway,” Colin says. Bradley tries to ignore how red the tips of Colin’s ears are, because clearly he’s making the choice to remain outside with Bradley, and selfishly, he doesn’t want Colin to leave.
A few minutes later, everyone starts counting down the seconds until 2011 finally descends upon the world. All around them, on the deck and inside the house, people are cheering and drinking and throwing around New Year’s wishes, but all Bradley can focus on is Colin - beautiful, wonderful Colin, who is sitting out in the cold of his own volition because Bradley is an idiot, and watching him closely, intently.
Bradley swallows thickly, trying to find his voice above the dull roar in his head.
But Colin is the one who speaks first. “Happy New Year, Bradley,” he says with warmth and affection, holding his gaze steadily.
Bradley rubs his hands together, as much to stave off the cold as to keep them from doing something inappropriate. “Happy New Year, Col. Oh, and happy birthday!”
Something heavy hangs in the air between them, this sizzling tension that is unspoken but has been present since Colin first took his hand inside, and Bradley is feeling reckless. He wants… well, he wants a lot of things. But right now, what he really wants is to feel Colin’s lips against his own, to run his hand down the side of Colin’s face, to hold him in his arms. But it’s risky. It’s so damn risky - New Year’s tradition or not - and Bradley’s already pushed the limits enough tonight as it is. What he needs is a sign, an indication that Colin won’t shove him away and refuse to speak to him ever again.
“Bradley-” Colin says huskily, and then a pink tongue peeks out to lick his lips nervously at the same time that his gaze drops just slightly.
And it is enough of a sign, enough confirmation that this might not be the worst idea he’s ever had. Before reason can kick in, Bradley closes the distance between them, pressing his mouth to Colin’s. It is nothing more than the soft brush of lips at first, Colin frozen against him, and Bradley thinks that maybe this was a terrible plan after all. But just as he’s about to pull away and cut his losses - sputtering an apology and making some joke about the alcohol taking possession of his brain - he feels Colin’s hand brush against his jaw, and then he’s responding, with enthusiasm.
Bradley instinctively reaches out until he touches fabric, twisting his fingers into Colin’s shirt and tugging him closer, knees knocking as they twist and lean further into one another. The kiss is soft and gentle, tentative, but eager at the same time, and when Colin’s tongue darts out of his mouth to run along Bradley’s bottom lip, he readily opens his mouth to Colin’s heat, shuddering with pleasure.
It all lasts far too quickly for his liking, and when they pull apart, panting and breathless, foreheads pressed against one another, Bradley has no idea what to say, where to even begin.
But the decision is taken away from them when the distinct sound of Katie’s voice calling their names pulls them back into reality, and as she, Angel and Rupert descend upon them with hugs, excited chatter and New Year’s greetings, the only thing his mind can process is the sensation of Colin’s lips against his own, and how he needs to experience that again as soon as possible.
---------------
Continue to part four
Following his conversation with Katie, Bradley decides that he needs to figure out what, exactly, might have happened. Contrary to what she thinks, Bradley knows that he is not an idiot. He just needs time to process things every now and then, and considering how much this whole recent situation has thrown him for a bit of a loop, he thinks it's perfectly reasonable that it takes slightly more time to figure it all out.
But it takes very little time and effort for him to actually piece together what Katie was implying during their conversation and the suggestion leaves this weird, tight feeling in his chest that he can’t quite describe. Still, that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. It’s merely one idea amongst many others, and Bradley is determined to prove to himself that there’s more than one logical conclusion to reach.
The best solution - or at least the first one Bradley thinks of - is to make a list of all the different possible reasons as to why Colin might've been on set with them. He's not that much into the idea of lists himself, but Colin swears by them, and since this sort of has to do with him, Bradley figures that’s reason enough to give it a try.
Reasons why Colin may have been there during filming
1) Merlin's scenes were significantly reduced for those episodes
2) Colin could have finished filming faster than everyone else and came to watch
3) Filming for an Arthur & Merlin scene could have been next (or immediately beforehand)
4) Colin committed a horrible atrocity and now Johnny feels the need to keep an eye on him at all times
Bradley chuckles at that idea, then decides to run with it some more, and, just for fun, adds:
5) Colin is actually a secret undercover agent, sent to spy on either me or Angel
He stops, then, and re-reads the list a couple of times, mentally running through the other available options. There are other more legitimate options still remaining - Katie's immediately jumps to mind - but Bradley finds that writing them out is far easier said than done. At the same time, he knows that this whole process would be rather pointless if he didn't consider all the potential options, and so with a measure of reluctance, he gives in and jots down the following:
6) Colin could have been present to increase the sexual tension between Angel and me
7) The whole thing is simply a coincidence and nothing more
There is one more possibility, but even the thought of writing it out makes Bradley blush and roll his eyes at himself, because not only is it supremely ridiculous, there’s also no way the producers would ever know this piece of information. Plus, it would require Colin’s presence during virtually every scene of his, and obviously that isn’t the case, even if they do end up spending the most time with one another during filming. All the same, if he plans to consider every possibility, then this should probably also be included.
8) Scenes are easier to film for me when Colin's around
Bradley cringes at the words, because it makes him feel so unbelievably stupid. Still, for whatever reason, it’s true. Some of his most difficult scenes have been filmed with Colin, and even his mere presence has made it somehow easier, something about his calm, supportive nature seems to give Bradley that little extra kick at times, just when he needs it.
Purposely pushing the thought aside, Bradley moves onto the next step, which involves going through the list and crossing off the least likely options.
Number 8 is the first to go, seeing as how it’s impossible for any of the producers, directors or crew to know that this is true, never mind that they don’t have the kind of budget that would allow one of the stars to constantly hang around the set without working. Besides, even if somehow it was a remote possibility, it would need to extend to every single scene he films, and it doesn’t. He crosses it off.
Unfortunately, amusing as they may be, 4 and 5 are off the list, since they’re not even remotely in the category of ‘realistic’. They are both removed with immense sadness.
Number 1 seems unlikely, seeing as how Merlin is the title character, and Bradley recalls him having quite a significant role in all three episodes. He strikes through that one as well.
Bradley thinks that number 2 might be a reasonable explanation if it’d happened once or twice throughout a season. But considering the frequency with which Colin appeared on set, the likelihood decreases significantly, and he crosses that off next.
Three isn’t necessarily impossible, though doesn’t quite match up to Bradley’s memories, but he leaves that on the list anyway.
When he’s done going through every option, only three remain -
Reasons why Colin may have been there during filming
1) Merlin's scenes were significantly reduced for those episodes
2) Colin could have finished filming faster than everyone else and came to watch
3) Filming for an Arthur & Merlin scene could have been next (or immediately beforehand)
4) Colin committed a horrible atrocity and now Johnny feels the need to keep an eye on him at all times
5) Colin is actually a secret undercover agent, sent to spy on either me or Angel
6) Colin could have been present to increase the sexual tension between Angel and me
7) The whole thing is simply a coincidence and nothing more
8) Scenes are easier to film for me when Colin's around
- and of those three, only two seem genuinely, realistically viable.
It doesn't take long for the implications of that to sink in, and if it turns out to be true that they're playing off of Bradley's sexual tension with Colin in his romantic scenes with Angel - as Katie so fondly seems to believe - then Bradley knows that he might be forced to figure out why that is… and that suddenly feels like a frightening idea.
Shaking his head to clear it of any worries he might have - he still doesn’t know anything concretely, after all - it becomes obvious that it’s time to move into stage two of his plan: calling Johnny Capps directly to find out what’s going on, because if anyone would have the answers, it would be him.
~*~
It takes Bradley four days of playing phone tag with Johnny to finally get through to him. Bradley requests a face to face meeting, but Johnny is so bogged down by work that the best he can offer right then is a phone conversation, and it's certainly better than sitting around stressing over this, so of course he agrees.
“So, Bradley, what can I do for you?” Johnny asks when they connect at last.
“Um, well...” Suddenly, it feels like such a stupid reason to be bothering him, and Bradley has a moment of panic. He can just see it now - Bradley asks him the question about Colin and Johnny bursts out laughing. His laughter is followed by the calling in of all the executive producers in order to share how delusional Bradley is, and they will proceed to mock his daftness, which will be promptly followed by a drastic cut to his screen time. Soon he'll barely have any scenes with Colin, and then he'll rarely appear on screen at all, and they'll make Arthur even more clueless than before, and eventually some evil magical being will just kill him, and Bradley will be out of work and he'll have to turn to begging for money on the streets and-
“Bradley?” Johnny says, cutting right through the stream of madness racing through his overactive imagination.
Right. Yes. He's still on the phone, and Johnny's still waiting for him to say something. He runs a hand through his hair and gets up to grab a glass of water. ”Sorry.”
“That's all right,” Johnny says. What he doesn't say but is clearly implied is, 'I'm a busy man, so if you have something to talk with me about, you might want to do it soon.'
Bradley takes a calm, steadying breath and braces himself for the conversation, pulling a glass out of his cupboard. “Okay, so, I was wondering if you’d seen the Merlin episode that aired about four weeks ago? Where there was that, uh-”
“Editing error?” Johnny interrupts, sounding confident. “Yeah, I heard all about that. Is this why you rang me?”
“Er, yes. Well, sort of.”
“Obviously that wasn’t supposed to happen, but sometimes editing buggers things up. It didn’t bother you, did it?”
It’s a far more complicated question than Bradley knows how to answer, in all honesty. It isn’t that particular mistake that has him concerned, but it’s certainly the starting point. “No, I’m not upset. But I just… I don’t understand where that scene even came from.”
“Ah, I think I understand. Look, Bradley, when I asked you and Colin to do that run-through, I had no idea anything was being recorded until I looked back at the day’s footage and discovered it.”
And that’s fine; it’s fair. But it still doesn’t explain how the scene even made it into the final stage of editing at all. “But why was it even there in the first place?”
Johnny lets out a small sigh, and Bradley thinks that can’t be a good sign. He sinks heavily into one of the kitchen chairs, setting his glass of water down on the table, as yet untouched. “It ended up in final editing because it felt more authentic than what you and Angel had filmed. Perhaps due to the time constraints we were under that day, or the emotions required from you both in earlier scenes, I don’t know. But what I do know is that an accident ended up producing the results we were seeking, and as executive producer, my job is to put together the best programme that I can, using all available resources.”
To be honest, Bradley’s not sure if he’s just been insulted, or possibly Angel has - maybe both of them - and he feels compelled to press this point further. “So, wait, are you telling me that you had to use footage shot with Colin because I wasn’t able to produce the same level of chemistry with Angel?” Try as he might, he’s not entirely successful with keeping the incredulous tone out of his voice.
Bradley likes Angel. A lot. She’s one of the loveliest people he’s ever met and he truly enjoys spending time in her company. She is far less frightening than Katie, and when Colin and Bradley prank her, she just laughs and sends a few glares their way before moving on. Plus, she’s a great listener and friend. So naturally, this idea doesn’t sit well in his stomach for that reason alone, never mind any of the other implications it brings to the table.
“It’s not quite that simple, Bradley. But in some ways, yes, that’s exactly right.”
“Are you trying to imply that I don’t have chemistry with Angel?” he demands, feeling a little hysterical all of a sudden, for reasons that have little to do with Angel.
“No, that’s not what I’m saying at all.”
Bradley blinks back confusion. “I don’t understand.”
“Sometimes actors have off days, or off scenes, where for any number of reasons, things just don’t go quite according to plan.” Silence fills the line, and then, “On that particular day, your run-through with Colin produced the effect we were looking for, so we decided to use that to our advantage. It has absolutely nothing to do with your acting abilities or your chemistry with Angel.”
Relief - and maybe, oddly, a touch of disappointment, even though that reaction is nothing short of ludicrous - washes over him. Unfortunately it is a short-lived relief, when he remembers the other incriminating evidence.
“I suppose that makes sense. But then it still doesn’t explain why something similar happened the next week, in that throne room scene during episode eleven. Or, for that matter, why I can recall Colin being present during the filming of virtually every scene I had with Angel in that whole filming block.”
The little startled cough that Johnny emits tells Bradley that he hadn’t been expecting him to figure that out, never mind confront him about it, and the fact that he clearly wasn’t imagining things in the first place means that he can also cross off number 7 from his list. Only two remain now, and it doesn’t take a genius to do the maths on that one.
Laughing just a bit guiltily, Johnny says, “I guess you caught me.”
It occurs to Bradley that actually confirming his suspicions about Colin's presence during the filming of these scenes could have some fairly significant consequences, and he wonders, perhaps, if it might have been better to simply speculate than to seek the actual truth. Still, it's a bit too late now to back out, considering Johnny's on the phone and he's already essentially asked the question. It is equally likely that the answer would have plagued Bradley until he knew, so in the end, regardless of what the results may indicate, it's probably best that he knows the truth.
Before he can change his mind, Bradley blurts out, “Has Colin been on set during my scenes with Angel to improve the chemistry between Arthur and Gwen?”
An enduring silence fills the space between them, and Bradley feels his throat tightening in nervous anticipation all of a sudden. It feels like hours before he finally answers.
“In some ways. But it was more of an experiment, really. To see if we could put a bit of a different twist on that dynamic…”
Johnny is still talking, but Bradley suddenly can’t hear anything beyond ’in some ways’, which means ’YES’ in his mind. The rest of Johnny’s words blur into one continuous stream of nonsensical babble as his brain struggles to process what this all means. He has a feeling that he is on the cusp of discovering something important, but he can’t quite seem to grasp it just yet, and that merely adds to his frustration.
“-I’m sorry I kept it from you, but I hope you can appreciate why. It’s really nothing to be concerned about, though,” Johnny is saying. But it’s only when he finally stops talking that Bradley realises he’s waiting for some sort of response.
“Yes, well, that’s uh… that’s fine. Thank you for explaining,” he manages to force out, feeling a tad ill.
“It’s my pleasure. Now I’m expected in a meeting, so I have to run. But don’t hesitate to phone me again if you have any other questions. Have a wonderful holiday season and enjoy your time off.”
It isn’t until he hears the click through the line that Bradley realises the conversation is actually over.
It takes Bradley almost a minute to finally end the call from his line, still immobilised by the shock of the revelation from Johnny. He finds himself staring hard at the full glass of water still sitting on the table in front of him, noting for the first time how dry his throat actually is, and somehow manages to bring the cup to his lips. He downs the whole thing in one long gulp, feeling an odd sort of thrill at the way the short-term lack of oxygen makes his head spin.
So then, Katie was right, Bradley muses eventually, when the ability to think coherently returns. He feels as though he should be angry with her, but he can’t seem to muster up the energy. Besides, if he’s being logical, she only planted the idea in his head. She didn’t actually come up with the plan in the first place.
Many things about the conversation with Johnny are bothering Bradley. Out of everything, however, he can't help but focus on the fact that they used his fake run-through with Colin in what was supposed to be a romantic scene with Angel. It wasn’t a mistake that the run-through had aired, only that the truth had been discovered, and that fact is equally bothersome to him.
Sure, Bradley likes Colin. In all truthfulness, he adores him. They'd had a bit of a slow start, neither quite sure of the other, but willing to give it a shot and see what happened. But once Bradley learned how to interpret Colin's Irish brogue and navigate his dark sense of humour, they'd quickly moved from awkward intrigue to best mates. It additionally worked well for their on-screen dynamic, as their real life relationship ran parallel to the characters for the first half of the first series.
So what if he stares at Colin with unabashed affection sometimes? Colin is one of his best mates and quite possibly one of his favourite people in the entire world, and Bradley’s secure enough in himself to not be afraid to show that openly. So what if Colin's smiles elicit a grin from Bradley in return every single time they are aimed in his direction? Colin has a warmth and friendliness about him that inadvertently draws others to him. And almost without fail, if Colin is sad, then so is Bradley. So what if sometimes he is filled with the desire to ruffle Colin’s hair and feed him warm cookies, because Bradley’s noticed that he could probably afford to add a few pounds to his lean frame? Just because he occasionally finds himself watching Colin for a little longer than strictly necessary, sometimes distracted by the way the light hits Colin’s cheekbones, or how it seems to turn his eyes an even deeper shade of blue-
“Stop it,” Bradley scolds himself out loud. He leans forward, folding his hands in his lap and resting his forehead against the smooth tabletop.
All right, so fine… Bradley is willing to accede that maybe it’s possible he is closer to Colin than his other mates, a little more attached. But isn’t that only to be expected, given how much time they spend with one another? And it isn’t as if they just film Merlin together and that’s the end of it; in fact, it’s typical for Bradley and Colin to spend the vast majority of their free time together in the evenings and when they have days off as well. It has even been arranged that whenever possible, they both are given their breaks at the same time.
So, then, naturally, it’s not inconceivable that some of their scenes might have a flavour of “romance” to them, given the closeness of their off-screen relationship. Surely it doesn’t mean that Bradley has feelings for Colin. Does it?
Against his better judgement, Bradley decides to use the internet to his advantage by watching anything he can get his hands on - series one video diaries, joint interviews, this past series’ ’Colin and Bradley’s Merlin Quests’, behind the scenes segments from series two, and the road trip special. (He takes special care to avoid reading any of the comments left by YouTubers after accidentally scrolling through a few of them while watching the first video. The last thing he needs is to add fuel to this particular fire.)
Nearly two hours later, Bradley clicks pause on the last of the quest videos, the evidence laid out before his very eyes. He's always been aware of what some of the fans think about Arthur and Merlin’s - and even his and Colin’s - relationship, and he's more than happy to support them in their enjoyment of the show through whatever means they find satisfying. But never once before has he actually witnessed or truly understood where the claims of the “homoerotic subtext” have come from. Until now, that is. Because if Bradley didn't know himself - well, he might also be inclined to think that there was something more there, between him and Colin, if the way he gazes at Colin is any indication.
It is beginning to look, Bradley thinks, as if he is completely buggered.
~*~
“So, what's the crisis?” John asks with an uncharacteristically sympathetic smile as Bradley pulls open the front door of his flat an hour later.
“I never said there was a crisis,” Bradley argues, backing out of the doorway to permit him to enter. “I just asked if you wanted to come over and have a few beers.”
John shucks his boots and reaches for a hanger out of the hallway closet for his coat. “Well, when you invite me over and then insist I need to cancel any other plans immediately, should I have them, I'm sort of forced to come to the conclusion that there's something going on.”
Bradley chooses to ignore the comment. Instead, he treks into the kitchen and retrieves four beers from the fridge. There is no way he can have this conversation without a small helping of liquid courage. John, for his part, follows wordlessly behind Bradley until they’re seated in the living room, each with a beer in hand.
The first time Bradley speaks again isn’t until he’s nearly finished off his first drink, thoughts careening wildly like a tempest in his mind. He takes a final sip of the beer before setting the bottle down on the coffee table, suddenly fascinated by the condensation on the outside, as if it is the most amazing sight he’s ever beheld.
“How do you know if you-um, if you fancy someone?” he finally manages to ask.
It is such a stupid question, he knows, and Bradley can feel his whole body tense the second the words leave his mouth, muscles coiling tightly. But it’s also a necessary one, because this is something he has to sort out. Right this instant.
“You think you fancy someone?” is the first thing out of John’s mouth, curiosity apparently getting the better of him.
Bradley’s eyes dart up to meet John’s gaze as he watches Bradley with interest, and Bradley finds that he can’t maintain the contact without feeling utterly exposed.
“Yes. No. Well, maybe. Er, I don’t know. But I think I might? I just…”
“It’s okay, mate,” John interrupts. “I’ll help you figure it out.”
“Thank you.” Bradley takes this opportunity to open another beer.
“Now, you know I’m no expert or anything, but let me ask you a few questions. First of all, do you enjoy spending time with this person?”
That is an understatement. “Yes. Quite a bit.”
John ducks his chin. “Okay, good. Let’s keep going with this. Would you rather spend time with this person than your other mates?” - That goes without saying, so he nods - “Do you find yourself noticing their physical, uh, attributes?” - If that other night at the pub with Colin was any indication, then he has to say yes - “Do you spend an excessive amount of time thinking about this person?” - He’s never really stopped to consider it before, but now that he is, he’s forced to admit that he does think about Colin. A hell of a lot - “Have you ever brought yourself off to the thought of this person-”
“John!” Bradley squawks in horror, cutting him off, face turning red even though he very much hasn’t.
“Sorry, sorry, just asking,” John says, raising his hands in surrender, though he doesn’t look nearly as contrite as Bradley thinks he should. “All right, so last question: Have you imagined yourself being with this person in a romantic way? Or if not, could you?”
It is the ultimate question. In a lot of ways, at least during the eight months of the year when they are filming Merlin, Bradley and Colin spend so much time together that they could almost, in theory, be in a relationship of sorts. Minus the sex, of course. It also isn’t altogether uncommon for either of them to fall asleep in the other’s room. But Bradley can honestly say he’s never explicitly thought about being with Colin - both in the physical and the life partner sense, despite noting his own general attraction to his co-star. He’s always just assumed that it was a natural consequence of working so closely with someone on a television series. Nothing worth dwelling on.
But for a few seconds, while he’s being granted the opportunity, Bradley takes a moment to imagine what it might be like, in theory, to actually be with Colin - to wake up every morning tangled up in each other, to grab his hand and entwine their fingers as they stroll down the street, to feel Colin’s mouth meld with his own as they kiss, to go on a holiday together, to feel the swell of Colin’s erection beneath his hands, to steal secret smiles and touches and kisses between takes on set, to watch the ecstasy splayed across Colin’s face as he comes from Bradley’s touch, to laugh and to fight and to simply love…
At the heat that is beginning to pool in his groin, Bradley knows he finally has a definitive answer, though how it has taken so long to figure it out, he thinks he might never know. More importantly, however, is what the hell does he do now, with this new, overwhelming information?
“So, who is she?” John eventually asks, breaking the heavy silence that has fallen in the room.
Bradley ducks his head, keeping his eyes fixed on his feet, silent. Every few seconds he has to remind himself to keep breathing.
“…Or he?” John ventures a moment later. It’s no secret to any of Bradley’s friends that he’s experimented with blokes before, though has not, as of yet, been in a long-term relationship with a man.
Bradley knows that John’s speaking, but he can’t quite process what he’s saying over the roar of his own internal dialogue. One fact races over and over in his mind: There’s a reason… There’s a reason why some people think that Arthur and Merlin are in love, a reason why Johnny decided to use that particular scene in the show, a reason why Bradley can and will spend all of his time with Colin, if he is able to.
“Fuck,” Bradley says, at length, when the enormity of this revelation finally hits him like a punch to the gut. “Fuck.“
Both of John’s eyebrows dart to his hairline, and he looks mildly alarmed all of a sudden. “What’s wrong? I’m sorry if I offended you. I shouldn’t have asked who you fancy. It’s none of my business.”
Groaning loudly, Bradley buries his face in his hands, a sick feeling washing over him that has nothing to do with the alcohol he’s just consumed, and before he can stop himself, he hears the words tumble from his lips: “I think I might be absolutely and utterly besotted with Colin Morgan.”
~*~
The rest of December flies by, and before Bradley even knows what’s happening, Christmas arrives. He spends the holidays with his family back in Devon, which turns out to be quite the experience. Bradley has a tendency to try and avoid spending too much time in the same room as all of his extended family, as they like to poke and prod into his personal life as if it’s their business whether or not he is seeing anyone or has plans to settle down somewhere more permanent. He knows they only ask because they care, but he’s growing steadily tired year after year of their meddlesome questions.
But because it means so much to his mum that she have her son home for the holidays, he finds he can never resist. Besides, he barely sees his sister these days, so it’s nice to have an excuse to hassle her for several days in a row, like he used to when they were small.
He also spends the vast majority of the time trying to not think about Colin. Naturally, it is a massive failure. It also doesn’t help that he receives a text message from him just after dinner on Christmas day, saying: Merry Xmas, Bradley. I hope your holidays are great. He forces himself to wait at least half an hour before responding, and if anyone notices the stupid grin on his face the remainder of the evening, they keep it to themselves.
Though every once in a while for the rest of the night, his mum shoots him an inquisitive look, even though she doesn’t say a word, and Bradley wonders if maybe she suspects something after all.
~*~
When he receives a phone call from Katie a couple of days later, he knows that it can’t lead to anything good.
“So, Angel and I are hosting a New Year’s Eve party. You should come. And by ‘should’, what I really mean is that we’ll expect you there. Feel free to bring a date or friend or whoever you like, though. Also, Colin’s apparently going to be in town, so he’ll be there too, which should be all the more motivation.”
There are so many things to respond to in that brief statement that Bradley doesn’t know where to begin. Since when do Angel and Katie host parties together? Why does she expect him to simply drop any other plans he’s made? How does she know Colin’s going to be in London? And most importantly - why didn’t Colin tell him he was going to be here for New Year’s? (He ignores the other question of why his heart starts fluttering in his chest the instant Katie mentions Colin’s name, because the answer to that is sadly obvious.)
Bradley thinks all of these things in his head, but the only word that manages to make its way out of his mouth is: “Okay.”
“Excellent, we'll see you then.” He jots down the information onto a scrap of paper before hanging up the phone.
He has a bad feeling about this.
~*~
Bradley makes the conscious choice to go to the party on his own, tempted as he is to ring Colin beforehand and suggest they go together. But the reality is that he’s not entirely sure how he’s going to react to seeing Colin again, now that he’s aware of his newly discovered feelings for his co-star, and he figures it’s probably safer to meet him there instead. Hopefully having other people around will prove to be a good buffer, should anything become awkward.
The house - which is apparently Angel’s parents’ place - is larger than he expects. It looks beautiful from the outside, so he can only imagine what it will be like inside. Others before him seem to just walk right in, so Bradley follows suit and does the same, a bundle of nerves coiling in his belly in anticipation as he grabs the door handle and pulls it open.
Not surprisingly, Bradley finds Katie, Angel and Colin all standing together just past the front entrance.
Bradley manages to make his way into the house and close the door before he nearly stops dead in his tracks at the sight of Colin. It’s not as if he’s wearing anything all that out of the ordinary, but Bradley will be damned if Colin looks anything short of unbelievably sexy. He’s wearing a black short-sleeved t-shirt over a white long-sleeved shirt, with well fitted dark blue jeans. His hair is short and tousled, as if he’s just run a hand through it a few times. The sight of Colin shouldn’t make him react this way - he hadn’t expected to respond to him quite like this, since the revelation happened, even if it makes sense - but Bradley can barely keep his jaw from dropping, and he’s grateful for the dark lighting, which hides the flush that instantly stains his cheeks.
His only saving grace happens to be the fact that Angel and Katie have noticed him, and are rushing to embrace him as though he’s the long lost brother they’ve never met.
As soon as they finally release him, Bradley realises everyone is waiting for his reaction to Colin. Not knowing what else to do, Bradley smiles broadly at Colin and pushes down his embarrassment and nervousness to clap him on the shoulder, squeezing briefly. “Nice to see you again, mate,” he says.
“You too,” Colin replies, grin bright.
They spend a few minutes catching up and updating each other on what they’ve been up to since filming ended. At some point, Katie notices an attractive bloke and she and Angel start giggling and whispering about him. Which opens up the opportunity for Bradley and Colin to talk.
“So, how’s the cooking coming along? Have you tried any new recipes since I left, or are you back to being a carnivore again?” is the first thing Colin asks. He makes it sound like some sort of criminal act.
Bradley chuckles. “Oi! I’m offended, Col.” He places a hand on his heart dramatically, which elicits a laugh from Colin. In all honesty, he’s done both, though he’s yet to sort out why he’s still eating vegetarian meals at least three times a week, in spite of the fact that he still greatly prefers meat. Thankfully, Colin doesn’t push the issue.
“Hey, so, before I forget,” Colin says, reaching into his pocket and fishing around, “I thought I should return the spare key to your flat. Guess I must have forgotten.”
This is, of course, the exact moment when Katie decides to start listening in on their conversation again, and before he can even reach out to grab the proffered key from Colin's hand, Katie is flailing about with a wild look in her eyes.
“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what? Hold on one second. Are you trying to tell me that Colin has a spare key to your flat, Bradley? Have you two been rooming together without telling us?” She looks positively ecstatic, eyes wide and lips curved into a mischievous smirk, and dear God could she possibly speak any louder?
“Katie, shut up or the whole party's going to hear you,” Bradley scolds and rolls his eyes. “And no, we're not rooming together. Stop making everything sound so sordid all the time.”
Angel chuckles softly into the back of her hand, trying to mask it as a yawn, but Bradley knows better. Still, it's Katie who's causing him trouble at present, so he keeps his focus trained on her.
“Please. No one here cares that much about you.” She waves her hand dismissively. ”So, why does Colin have a key to your flat?”
“Because he was staying in London at the end of November and you know how expensive hotels can be. Thought I'd save him the hassle and offered to share my flat for a week.”
“Well, that was awfully kind of you,” she says, even though her tone of voice seems to directly contradict her words.
“Yes, it was.”
“I bet you were a terrible flatmate. Probably made poor Colin sleep on the floor and live in your filth and eat animals.”
“Hey! I resent that!” Bradley exclaims, affronted. He folds his arms across his chest and tries to pout.
“He was a great host, actually,” Colin jumps in then, and Bradley holds back a groan. While he appreciates the fact that Colin's clearly trying to defend his honour, he really sort of wishes he'd also just keep his mouth shut around the girls. If you give them even the tiniest detail, they'll run with it for months. As it is, they've probably already given Katie enough ammunition to last the duration of filming for series four. “He gave me the bedroom, didn't charge me anything, and even made vegetarian meals for us in the evenings.”
“And my place was spotless, I tell you,” Bradley adds, with the hope of distracting Katie from the other information that was just shared with her.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work. “You mean to tell me that Bradley cooked vegetarian dinners for you? If that isn’t the sign of true-” at Bradley’s fierce glare, however, she pauses, “-friendship, I don’t know what is.”
“I made the food for both of us. I had to cook something for myself anyway, Katie,” he retorts, and fights the urge to stick his tongue out. Luckily for everyone, Bradley is far more mature than that. (He’ll just wait until she can’t see him.)
“I think what Katie is trying to say,” Angel interjects, since she can probably see where this is leading, “is that you did a nice thing for Colin, and we’re both really happy to see you again.”
Everyone knows, of course, that this is not what Katie was trying to say, but it seems to defuse the situation before it gets out of hand, so no one complains.
“Thank you, Angel.” Bradley smiles gratefully at her, and she reaches out to squeeze his arm. “It’s great to see you too.”
It seems like more people are arriving, so thankfully, Angel drags Katie away to tend to her hosting duties, leaving Bradley alone with Colin.
Which would be wonderful, if Bradley's heart wasn't racing and his thoughts spinning out of control. God, how had he never noticed how utterly gorgeous Colin was before tonight? Those full, pink lips and striking cheekbones, begging to be touched; the strong line of his jaw and- Bradley mentally shakes himself, forcing the thoughts from his mind. Now is not the time or the place to be indulging such things, especially not with Colin standing right in front of him.
Not quite knowing what to do all of a sudden, which is incredibly frustrating for Bradley, he slings an arm around Colin’s shoulder and leads him towards the food table. “So, tell me, how was Christmas with your family? I’ve no doubt it was far more enjoyable than mine.”
~*~
Bradley should have known this was all going too well, after joking around and chatting with Colin for the better part of an hour. He’s even managed to calm down and behave almost as a normal person might. He should have suspected that something would mess everything up. He just sort of never anticipated that it would be Angel, of all people.
“Hey, Colin, I know you didn’t sign up for this when you agreed to come to the party, but one of my good friends is here tonight, and I thought you two might hit it off,” Angel says, by way of greeting after she corners them at the food table a short while later.
Bradley feels his heart plummet to his feet and he actively resists the urge to frown. This is not a welcome bit of information at all.
“Oh?” Colin asks, both eyebrows darting to the ceiling in an uncanny imitation of Gaius.
“Yeah, I know you’ve probably heard that so many times before, but I promise you she’s a great girl; funny and smart and sweet. You two have a lot in common, actually.”
“Which all basically means that she has a lovely personality but isn’t anything to look at,” Bradley lets slip, quite by accident.
“Bradley!” Angel gasps, and reaches out to smack his arm. “That is so rude. And she’s quite beautiful, actually.”
He tries not to groan, biting his tongue, for once.
“So, what do you say, Colin?” Angel asks with a hopeful little grin. “No pressure. But just give her a chance. She’s fantastic, I promise.”
Bradley doesn’t realise he’s holding his breath at all until he hears Colin’s, “Erm, sure, I guess so.”
And this is the moment when Bradley knows that the night is about to get worse.
~*~
Unfortunately for him, it does just that, because Angel’s friend, Lila, is both beautiful and incredibly charming. And it’s obvious that Colin thinks so too, if his content little smile is any indication. She apparently loves all that indie music stuff that Colin adores so much, is a vegetarian, and her favourite actor is Sean Penn. Bloody fantastic, Bradley thinks. Could they have any more in common?
When Colin politely excuses them with an apologetic smile a few minutes later, Bradley feels just a bit like crying, even though he knows he’s being pathetic.
He decides to head over to the alcohol table instead, since that might be the only thing that will get him through this evening, now that Colin’s been accosted by some beautiful girl that might as well be his future wife.
~*~
An hour passes with no sign of Colin and Lila, and Bradley is beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol in his system, which is particularly bad, since Katie has found Rupert and apparently decided that he and Bradley need to be hanging out this very instant.
“I don’t get what’s so great about blondes,” Bradley mutters, mostly to himself. “And what’s so terrible about chicken or beef or pork? Honestly, who eats like that anyway?”
“I definitely agree with you about the blondes,” Katie says, trying to interject her thoughts, almost as if she were trying to demonstrate some form of compassion for him, but Bradley barely hears her.
“I’m perfectly fine here all by myself. Don’t need anyone to keep me entertained. I can have fun without him. Hell, I can find my own blonde. I should do that, see how much he likes it.”
Rupert eyes Bradley warily and turns an inquisitive expression on Katie. “What’s with him?”
She shrugs nonchalantly, taking another sip out of her glass. It’s some brightly coloured drink that Bradley has no doubt looks girly but is actually quite potent, knowing Katie. “Not entirely sure, but I would guess he’s upset over the fact that Angel set Colin up with one of her friends.”
“Cheers to that,” Bradley says, and then thinks that he really needs to shut the hell up right about now.
“Oh. Okay, then,” Rupert says, at length, as though he understands.
But he certainly doesn’t sound like he understands. Though, in all fairness, neither does Bradley.
~*~
Several drinks later - far more than he should be consuming in such a short period of time - Bradley isn't feeling so hot. In fact, he feels downright awful -- tired, overheated, light-headed, and maybe just a bit lovesick. He’d only intended on having a couple of drinks to lighten up. (He's also lost track of both Katie and Rupert at some point over the past hour, though he’s unclear on the details.) This is not what he expected. Closing his eyes, Bradley slumps against the wall at the end of a hall he’d managed to stumble to, grateful for the fact that no one seems to have noticed his presence. This hallway is slightly less crowded than the living room where all the action is, but he's still having a hard time breathing, as if he's suffocating on his own air.
Bradley tries to force his mind to focus on something else, anything else, something that is not Colin - where he is, who he's with, and especially not what he might be doing with said companion - but he can't do it, much as he desperately wants to. Stupid Angel and her stupid friends. Stupid Katie for not doing anything to actively prevent this even though she seemingly knew about it from the start. Stupid Lila and her pretty blonde, non-ginger hair. Stupid Colin for looking enthusiastic and eager to 'get to know her'. But mostly, Bradley just thinks that he himself is the stupidest of them all for ever believing he could keep his crush on Colin under control in the first place. He knew this would be a bad idea, coming to this party, and now he's alone, pissed, and feeling right miserable.
This is ridiculous, that Bradley should be so upset about Angel setting Colin up with one of her friends at all. It's not as if Bradley has laid any claim to him. And it's sure not as if Colin even has a clue as to how Bradley feels about him. Hell, Bradley only just came to the realisation himself a few weeks ago. They're at a New Year’s party, and he should be having fun, making new friends and trying to find someone to kiss when 2011 rolls in. But instead, he's wallowing in a pit of his own self-induced sorrow, like some pathetic lovelorn fool. Bradley knows that he's going to have to learn how to deal with watching Colin date other people, without resorting to alcohol, if he ever hopes to survive the next couple of years. Or just tell Colin how he feels. But somehow that seems like too big of a risk, without any inkling of whether his affections may be returned. It's not just their friendship that could be in jeopardy, but the show as well, and the simple fact of the matter is that Colin means the world to him. Right now, Bradley would far prefer to suffer in silence than lose Colin as his best mate, much as this whole situation is pure shite.
For a brief moment, Bradley considers getting another drink, but when he attempts to push away from the wall, the world starts spinning uncontrollably, and Bradley decides that staying here after all is just as suitable an option. Perhaps if he remains glued to this spot for another couple of hours, enough people will leave or pass out that he can just crawl his way out the front door without alerting anyone.
While he's thinking about how his life suddenly took a turn for the worse, someone bumps into his side, probably on their way to the loo. If it’s even down this hall. He’s not all that sure, to be honest.
“Sorry,” Bradley mutters absently, keeping his eyes closed and head resting against the wall, arms folded protectively across his chest.
“Bradley?”
The voice nearly stops his heart in his chest.
“Colin?” he asks, prying both eyes open and forcing himself to glance over at Colin, afraid of what he might see - swollen lips, ruffled hair, clothes in disarray. Thankfully, he looks relatively intact, though that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
“What are you doing down here by yourself?” Colin asks, sounding concerned. They’re so close, too close. Bradley feels his pulse begin to race.
Bradley isn’t quite sure how to respond to that. Somehow he thinks, ’I came to wallow in my own self-pity because I drank too much with the intention of trying to forget the fact that you were off with some beautiful girl doing God knows what’ won’t go over all that well. Instead he settles on a half-truth. “Too many people in the living room. I needed to get away.” There may or may not be a bit of a slur to his voice, though he can’t quite tell.
Colin frowns, eyeing him suspiciously. “How much have you had to drink?”
Does he honestly expect Bradley to do maths? Now? He’s not even sure he can form coherent sentences, never mind do something as complicated as maths. “I don’t know. A lot?”
And then, to make matters worse, Colin’s hands are suddenly on him, at his shoulder and one on his forehead, and Bradley is trying to ignore the way Colin’s touch sets his skin on fire, makes his breath hitch involuntarily in his throat, because he’s not operating on all systems at the moment, and doesn’t want to do anything that he might regret later.
“You’re burning up, Bradley,” Colin says, brushing a piece of damp hair from Bradley’s forehead as he removes his hand. “Let’s get you outside to cool off a bit. It’ll make you feel better, yeah?”
Colin takes a couple of steps forwards, and really, Bradley wants to follow, but he just doesn’t think he can move quite yet. “I’ll be there in a few minutes, I promise,” he says, allowing his head to fall back against the wall.
“No, you should come now, Bradley,” Colin insists, moving back into his personal space. And then Bradley feels a warm hand curl around his own, gripping it firmly. Bradley’s eyes widen in shock as he stares down at his hand cradled in Colin’s, and he thinks he might actually pass out right then and there.
But Colin simply smiles at him with that little smirk that always makes Bradley grin in return - and now makes his heart flutter ridiculously in his chest - and Colin tugs gently on Bradley’s hand. “I’ll help you. Come on, let’s go.”
Bradley follows obediently after Colin, sticking close to his side, and for a while, he wonders if he's fallen asleep and is in some sort of wonderful dream, because the Colin Morgan he knows is not a hand-holder, nor is he particularly physically affectionate. But this Colin is still grasping Bradley's hand firmly in his own, leading them through the very open and very public house, seemingly unconcerned with whether or not anyone notices. It's not as if they're flaunting their joined hands, but neither are they doing anything to hide the fact, and it would certainly be easy enough for someone to glance down and see the evidence for themselves.
The thought sends a thrill down his spine, and in a moment of alcohol-induced courage, Bradley decides to test the waters a little, knowing he has a ready excuse to fall back on, should this all go horribly wrong. As they wend their way through the crowd in the living room - honestly, how is this house so large - he shifts his hold on Colin’s hand, entwining their fingers in the process. It feels both exhilarating and terrifying in equal measure, and he holds his breath in anticipation of Colin’s reaction.
For his part, Colin barely reacts at all. He glances down quietly at their hands, hesitating for a mere fraction of a second, before he continues to guide Bradley through the throngs of people towards the front door. Bradley feels triumphant, and leans into Colin, resting his cheek briefly against Colin’s shoulder.
The cool air outside hits him like a slap to the face, but Bradley can finally breathe again, and he gulps in air greedily, not caring how ridiculous he must look. There are a surprising number of people out on the front deck, but Colin manages to guide them towards a couple of unoccupied chairs off to the side, away from most of the activity.
“Here, sit down,” Colin instructs, gently prying his hand from Bradley’s in order to guide him into the chair.
“Thanks,” Bradley says. It is a cool evening, but everything feels so much colder now that he’s not pressed into Colin’s side, clutching at his hand. He feels the loss immensely.
Neither says anything for a few minutes, simply sitting in their cold chairs, instinctively leaning into one another ever so slightly.
“So, what happened?” Bradley asks, at length. He's not sure he even wants to know the answer, but better to find out now, while he's drunk enough to handle the news, than when he's recovering from a hang-over.
Colin furrows his brows. “What do you mean?”
“With Lily. Or Lila. Or whatever her name was. Is. Er, what happened with her?”
The question is supposed to come across as casual, maybe even disinterested, but the way Colin's staring at him right now, he suspects that plan backfired.
“Nothing,” Colin says slowly, hesitantly, as though Bradley’s just sprouted wings right before his eyes.
“Nothing,” Bradley repeats, but he is still unconvinced. “Define 'nothing.' You've been with her for more than two hours. You must have done something.”
There is a long pause, and then, “I don't work like that.” His voice is soft, sounding almost a little hurt at the implication, and Bradley instantly feels guilty.
“I know. That's not what I- I didn't mean it like that.”
Colin nods, rubbing the back of his neck. “Okay. Okay, that’s good.”
It's starting to snow, just a light dusting of white powder against a dark backdrop, but even though there is a chill outside, it still doesn’t feel cold enough for snow somehow. Still, the sight creates such a beautiful atmosphere, like something you’d see in one of those cheesy Christmas specials on TV that everyone claims are corny, but still makes them cry anyway. Not that Bradley knows anything about that, of course.
He knows he should leave well enough alone, but he still doesn’t know exactly what happened, and that’s not something he can let go of just yet.
“So, did you- did you guys snog, then?”
“Bradley!”
“We’re mates, right? Mates talk about these sorts of things,” Bradley says in defense, holding up both hands in surrender.
Colin regards Bradley with confused curiosity, and something else that Bradley can’t quite decipher. Shaking his head, Colin leans forward to rest his forearms on his thighs. “What part of nothing did you not understand?” he asks quietly.
“I might be a little bit pissed. ‘m not processing things like normal.”
This elicits a chuckle from Colin, and he looks over at Bradley with a smile. “Yes, clearly. Well, if you must know, nothing happened. We talked; that’s it.”
“Really?” Bradley’s heart does a little flip in his chest at the news, but he manages to push down the excitement long enough to show some semblance of concern. “How come? Was she really boring? Not a fan of Merlin? Did you find out she’s secretly a ginger?”
Colin knocks Bradley’s knee with his own, laughing lightly. But just as quickly as the mirth appears, he seems to sober. “No, she was nice. A very sweet girl, in fact. Just- not right for me.”
There’s something more there, something Colin’s not telling him. Even in his inebriated state, he knows Colin well enough to know that. But there is a finality to his tone, one that says there’s nothing else to discuss here, don’t ask, so Bradley decides to drop it. Besides, he has the answer he wants, and he can breathe easier, knowing that Colin hadn’t done anything with that girl, even as his brain reminds him that there will be others in the future.
“So, what were you doing in that hallway by yourself?” Colin asks then, staring out towards the street.
Bradley shrugs casually, even though Colin can’t see him. “I wasn’t feeling well,” he says. It’s mostly true. Besides, the truth is really embarrassing, especially now that he knows he had nothing to be stressed out about to begin with.
“Were you drinking by yourself, then?”
“No!” Bradley immediately retorts. But then, when Colin tosses another glance over at him, he amends the answer to, “Well, not the whole time.”
Colin seems to consider this. “Did you have fun tonight?” he asks, eventually.
“Not really. But I am now,” Bradley says, before his brain has time to filter the response, and if it weren’t for the temperature outside, he’s quite sure he’d be blushing red hot.
A fond smile is turned on Bradley as Colin leans back in his chair. “I’m sorry I abandoned you, though. We both should be piss drunk right now, instead of just you.”
“It’s all right,” Bradley says, and this time he means it. Because now that he has Colin’s full attention again, nothing else really matters any longer.
Someone yells outside that it’s almost New Year’s, and that the countdown is about to begin, which causes a round of cheers to erupt on the porch.
“You cold? You want to go inside?” Colin asks then.
But Bradley shakes his head. “No, I’m good. I’m fine. How about you? You don’t need to stay out here with me if you’re cold.”
“Nah, I’m good. It was too hot in there anyway,” Colin says. Bradley tries to ignore how red the tips of Colin’s ears are, because clearly he’s making the choice to remain outside with Bradley, and selfishly, he doesn’t want Colin to leave.
A few minutes later, everyone starts counting down the seconds until 2011 finally descends upon the world. All around them, on the deck and inside the house, people are cheering and drinking and throwing around New Year’s wishes, but all Bradley can focus on is Colin - beautiful, wonderful Colin, who is sitting out in the cold of his own volition because Bradley is an idiot, and watching him closely, intently.
Bradley swallows thickly, trying to find his voice above the dull roar in his head.
But Colin is the one who speaks first. “Happy New Year, Bradley,” he says with warmth and affection, holding his gaze steadily.
Bradley rubs his hands together, as much to stave off the cold as to keep them from doing something inappropriate. “Happy New Year, Col. Oh, and happy birthday!”
Something heavy hangs in the air between them, this sizzling tension that is unspoken but has been present since Colin first took his hand inside, and Bradley is feeling reckless. He wants… well, he wants a lot of things. But right now, what he really wants is to feel Colin’s lips against his own, to run his hand down the side of Colin’s face, to hold him in his arms. But it’s risky. It’s so damn risky - New Year’s tradition or not - and Bradley’s already pushed the limits enough tonight as it is. What he needs is a sign, an indication that Colin won’t shove him away and refuse to speak to him ever again.
“Bradley-” Colin says huskily, and then a pink tongue peeks out to lick his lips nervously at the same time that his gaze drops just slightly.
And it is enough of a sign, enough confirmation that this might not be the worst idea he’s ever had. Before reason can kick in, Bradley closes the distance between them, pressing his mouth to Colin’s. It is nothing more than the soft brush of lips at first, Colin frozen against him, and Bradley thinks that maybe this was a terrible plan after all. But just as he’s about to pull away and cut his losses - sputtering an apology and making some joke about the alcohol taking possession of his brain - he feels Colin’s hand brush against his jaw, and then he’s responding, with enthusiasm.
Bradley instinctively reaches out until he touches fabric, twisting his fingers into Colin’s shirt and tugging him closer, knees knocking as they twist and lean further into one another. The kiss is soft and gentle, tentative, but eager at the same time, and when Colin’s tongue darts out of his mouth to run along Bradley’s bottom lip, he readily opens his mouth to Colin’s heat, shuddering with pleasure.
It all lasts far too quickly for his liking, and when they pull apart, panting and breathless, foreheads pressed against one another, Bradley has no idea what to say, where to even begin.
But the decision is taken away from them when the distinct sound of Katie’s voice calling their names pulls them back into reality, and as she, Angel and Rupert descend upon them with hugs, excited chatter and New Year’s greetings, the only thing his mind can process is the sensation of Colin’s lips against his own, and how he needs to experience that again as soon as possible.
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Continue to part four