(no subject)
my day sucked.
it consisted of being triggered as every loving FUCK at program, and then actually crying over the fact that I feel completely alone and totally hopeless.
Then I came home. Whatever, things were going to be better, I was going to meet up with Bill later.
Until Bill called me. And told me he doesn't want to lead me on anymore, he thinks we should just be friends.
well fuck my life already.
I mean, I should have seen it coming, because he made me really fucking happy. And I could eat with him and be okay. And I felt beautiful. And god fucking dammit I was falling so hard and I could see a future with him.
but that's fucking beyond retarded because I'm ME and I don't get a fucking future, I get fucked sideways repeatedly and my life always ends up blowing up in my fucking fat ass bitch cunt motherfucking face.
I don't know anymore.
I'm 22 years old. I live in a fucking closet of a bedroom in my parents house because I'm so fucked up that God forbid I live a real life on my own like a grown up. I have NOTHING to show for myself. I have a dead end job that anyone with a GED or high school diploma could do. I can't honestly see myself graduating. I am told by man after man that I'm a "great girl" and I'm "attractive" but they just can't love me. All men want from me is the body I'm desperately trying to destroy.
And I'm in god damn fucking treatment and you know what? I don't want to be. I've stopped caring completely. I mean sure, recovery would be great. But my siblings hate me. My parents could give two shits about me and want nothing to do with my recovery. I GIVE THE FUCK UP. I kind of just want to go lay in the middle of the road and get this shit show over with already. I don't care about me. I wish I had just died already. I'm a waste of space. I can't ever be close to a man because I'm a broken piece of shit. I just hurt so fucking much every fucking day and I can't move on with my life because there's nothing worth moving towards. I don't see a future worth fighting for. I don't see a person worth saving. I see an ugly ass bitch with nothing worth saving, nothing worth living for. No future. No career. No love to speak of. An ugly ass personality. I fucking hate myself and I don't know why I go on every day like that's not the god damn truth.
I say full speed ahead towards all out self-destruction. Let's see if I make it a year. I hope to God I don't.
it consisted of being triggered as every loving FUCK at program, and then actually crying over the fact that I feel completely alone and totally hopeless.
Then I came home. Whatever, things were going to be better, I was going to meet up with Bill later.
Until Bill called me. And told me he doesn't want to lead me on anymore, he thinks we should just be friends.
well fuck my life already.
I mean, I should have seen it coming, because he made me really fucking happy. And I could eat with him and be okay. And I felt beautiful. And god fucking dammit I was falling so hard and I could see a future with him.
but that's fucking beyond retarded because I'm ME and I don't get a fucking future, I get fucked sideways repeatedly and my life always ends up blowing up in my fucking fat ass bitch cunt motherfucking face.
I don't know anymore.
I'm 22 years old. I live in a fucking closet of a bedroom in my parents house because I'm so fucked up that God forbid I live a real life on my own like a grown up. I have NOTHING to show for myself. I have a dead end job that anyone with a GED or high school diploma could do. I can't honestly see myself graduating. I am told by man after man that I'm a "great girl" and I'm "attractive" but they just can't love me. All men want from me is the body I'm desperately trying to destroy.
And I'm in god damn fucking treatment and you know what? I don't want to be. I've stopped caring completely. I mean sure, recovery would be great. But my siblings hate me. My parents could give two shits about me and want nothing to do with my recovery. I GIVE THE FUCK UP. I kind of just want to go lay in the middle of the road and get this shit show over with already. I don't care about me. I wish I had just died already. I'm a waste of space. I can't ever be close to a man because I'm a broken piece of shit. I just hurt so fucking much every fucking day and I can't move on with my life because there's nothing worth moving towards. I don't see a future worth fighting for. I don't see a person worth saving. I see an ugly ass bitch with nothing worth saving, nothing worth living for. No future. No career. No love to speak of. An ugly ass personality. I fucking hate myself and I don't know why I go on every day like that's not the god damn truth.
I say full speed ahead towards all out self-destruction. Let's see if I make it a year. I hope to God I don't.