(no subject)
it hit me today, when I was halfway through walking down the flights of stairs to the subway station for my first subway ride: a certain quiet yet exultant freedom in anonymity and invisibility. I thought, I can go anywhere I want to go. I don't even have to end up where I intended to go, or take the right train route to get there. I can hop on and off and ride the public transport all over and just meander, because I don't have to meet anyone or stick to any strict agenda. and as long as I don't open my mouth, I can blend into the crowds (to a fair extent-- it involves dressing down and rolling up the legs of my jeans haha). it was the exact sentiment behind death cab for cutie's different names for the same thing, I'm pretty sure. and it didn't terrify me, quite the opposite. for some reason it was incredibly comforting-- being invisible, anonymous, anywhere, anyone, alone.
and after that it was all okay.
I went to 王府井 which also made me realise (again) that haha hell yes I am a singaporean at heart. dump me in a crowded pedestrian food street and I will take to it like a duck to water, weaving in and out and adapting to the heat and crowdedness and sweaty people around me and taking photos and munching food from stall to stall. and that was all pretty cool; I enjoyed it. oh! I also heard a jay chou song I actually knew blasting from one of the department stores and felt happy because I like it when I can identify songs I hear.
and then I bought myself the most adorable stuffed panda ever. :) it's so round and black and white it looks like a football.
's probably a good thing it happened when it did-- that first upswing/turning point and the first moment of happiness/contentment-- because my first day here (yesterday) wasn't particularly fun, or my first morning. scratch that, I was so dreadfully unhappy. I was looping alpha shallows in my head: the grey in this city is too much to bear, the grey in this city is too much to bear, and I believe we're meant to be seen and not to be understood. but now, ehh. it'll get better. I know it will.
and after that it was all okay.
I went to 王府井 which also made me realise (again) that haha hell yes I am a singaporean at heart. dump me in a crowded pedestrian food street and I will take to it like a duck to water, weaving in and out and adapting to the heat and crowdedness and sweaty people around me and taking photos and munching food from stall to stall. and that was all pretty cool; I enjoyed it. oh! I also heard a jay chou song I actually knew blasting from one of the department stores and felt happy because I like it when I can identify songs I hear.
and then I bought myself the most adorable stuffed panda ever. :) it's so round and black and white it looks like a football.
's probably a good thing it happened when it did-- that first upswing/turning point and the first moment of happiness/contentment-- because my first day here (yesterday) wasn't particularly fun, or my first morning. scratch that, I was so dreadfully unhappy. I was looping alpha shallows in my head: the grey in this city is too much to bear, the grey in this city is too much to bear, and I believe we're meant to be seen and not to be understood. but now, ehh. it'll get better. I know it will.