iowa
(Copy & pasted from my Amherst bloggy thing. Because I spent far too much time on this to have it not be read.)
With apologies to my friend Dan Jones, I present the following theory:
Iowa may just be the nothingest state in the entire country.
As a New Jersey-born, California-raised, Massachusetts-educated young woman, I am 100% an unabashed state snob. But really, think about it. Every other state has something going for it-- what's Iowa got? Nothing, fucking nothing, that's what.
Here's the breakdown.
- First, anything bordering an ocean is automatically in, including Alaska and Hawaii, because the coasts are the most best part of the country like duh.
- The South, along with Texas, is in because crazy shit happens there all the time.
- The Southwest and the Rockies are in because people go there for vacations sometimes.
- Wyoming, Montana, Idaho, and the Dakotas are in because they're so austere and empty they're almost glamorous-- in American literature, that seems to be where dreams go to die.
- Similarly, Kansas, Oklahoma, and Nebraska are in because they're so ridiculously Farm Land American that you can't dismiss them.
- The Great Lakes states (Minnesota, Michigan, Wisconsin) are in because bordering a huge lake has got to count for something, right?
This leaves us with... Arkansas, Missouri, Iowa, Indiana, and Ohio.
- Illinois has Chicago.
- Missouri has St. Louis.
- Arkansas has Little Rock and Bill Clinton.
Our final three: Iowa, Indiana, Ohio.
- Ohio's in because over the past year or so it's come to my attention that people are actually from Ohio. Also, it has colleges. And cities. Kind of.
Iowa vs. Indiana
- When it comes down to it, Indiana has the more interesting name, and the Indy 500. Which is not my cup of tea, but hey.
So, Iowa.
It isn't near anything. It doesn't produce anything. It contains no major cities. It doesn't have a reputation, bad or otherwise. It's never anyone's final destination-- Iowa is the flyover land of flyover land. If Iowa were a high school student, it wouldn't even be the kid that gets beat up or hated on; it'd be the kid so plain and unmemorable that even the yearbook staff forgets to include him.
With apologies to my friend Dan Jones, I present the following theory:
Iowa may just be the nothingest state in the entire country.
As a New Jersey-born, California-raised, Massachusetts-educated young woman, I am 100% an unabashed state snob. But really, think about it. Every other state has something going for it-- what's Iowa got? Nothing, fucking nothing, that's what.
Here's the breakdown.
- First, anything bordering an ocean is automatically in, including Alaska and Hawaii, because the coasts are the most best part of the country like duh.
- The South, along with Texas, is in because crazy shit happens there all the time.
- The Southwest and the Rockies are in because people go there for vacations sometimes.
- Wyoming, Montana, Idaho, and the Dakotas are in because they're so austere and empty they're almost glamorous-- in American literature, that seems to be where dreams go to die.
- Similarly, Kansas, Oklahoma, and Nebraska are in because they're so ridiculously Farm Land American that you can't dismiss them.
- The Great Lakes states (Minnesota, Michigan, Wisconsin) are in because bordering a huge lake has got to count for something, right?
This leaves us with... Arkansas, Missouri, Iowa, Indiana, and Ohio.
- Illinois has Chicago.
- Missouri has St. Louis.
- Arkansas has Little Rock and Bill Clinton.
Our final three: Iowa, Indiana, Ohio.
- Ohio's in because over the past year or so it's come to my attention that people are actually from Ohio. Also, it has colleges. And cities. Kind of.
Iowa vs. Indiana
- When it comes down to it, Indiana has the more interesting name, and the Indy 500. Which is not my cup of tea, but hey.
So, Iowa.
It isn't near anything. It doesn't produce anything. It contains no major cities. It doesn't have a reputation, bad or otherwise. It's never anyone's final destination-- Iowa is the flyover land of flyover land. If Iowa were a high school student, it wouldn't even be the kid that gets beat up or hated on; it'd be the kid so plain and unmemorable that even the yearbook staff forgets to include him.