job search, academic couple, stress, the usual
How do you deal with the stress of an academic job search when your partner is also an academic?
My partner recently started a tenure-track job, and I'm in my final year of grad school in the sciences in a different city, looking for postdocs. There's only one major university in his city. I informally interviewed there, but it didn't go too well for various reasons.
I'm pretty much applying for whatever postdocs and other related jobs I can find in the US. I had a campus interview recently which seemed to go ok. It's a decent position, but not the most prestigious by any means, and it's in a remote rural area two hours from the nearest metropolis (so a 2hr drive + 2hr flight if my partner and I had to visit each other). I have some kind of lead on an industry job in a big city which would be more accessible, but nothing's clear. Otherwise, the only news I've been getting are rejections.
While my partner is supportive, and open to trying to move to a more convenient location, his options are sort of limited in that he's at a highly ranked university now, and understandably, doesn't want to trade down by much. He's also clearly much more hardworking and academically successful than me, which makes me feel a bit insecure, and I can't help wondering if he's resenting me or judging me for not being able to get a job more easily. We've been together for years, and want to marry and start a family soon, but are holding off on it till our long-distance situation is resolved. The uncertainty is just making my job search that much more stressful. I can't help envying people whose personal life doesn't depend on them being successful in their professional life -- I feel like my whole life has become one big academic test. OTOH, I don't want to give up my career entirely and take up a podunk job in his city just to be with him.
I'm sure many of you in this community have been in my (or my partner's) situation. How do you handle it?
(I'm a community regular, but posting under a sockpuppet because my account is easily traceable to my identity.)
My partner recently started a tenure-track job, and I'm in my final year of grad school in the sciences in a different city, looking for postdocs. There's only one major university in his city. I informally interviewed there, but it didn't go too well for various reasons.
I'm pretty much applying for whatever postdocs and other related jobs I can find in the US. I had a campus interview recently which seemed to go ok. It's a decent position, but not the most prestigious by any means, and it's in a remote rural area two hours from the nearest metropolis (so a 2hr drive + 2hr flight if my partner and I had to visit each other). I have some kind of lead on an industry job in a big city which would be more accessible, but nothing's clear. Otherwise, the only news I've been getting are rejections.
While my partner is supportive, and open to trying to move to a more convenient location, his options are sort of limited in that he's at a highly ranked university now, and understandably, doesn't want to trade down by much. He's also clearly much more hardworking and academically successful than me, which makes me feel a bit insecure, and I can't help wondering if he's resenting me or judging me for not being able to get a job more easily. We've been together for years, and want to marry and start a family soon, but are holding off on it till our long-distance situation is resolved. The uncertainty is just making my job search that much more stressful. I can't help envying people whose personal life doesn't depend on them being successful in their professional life -- I feel like my whole life has become one big academic test. OTOH, I don't want to give up my career entirely and take up a podunk job in his city just to be with him.
I'm sure many of you in this community have been in my (or my partner's) situation. How do you handle it?
(I'm a community regular, but posting under a sockpuppet because my account is easily traceable to my identity.)