Action figure Theater: A Visit To P3X-sure-looks-safe-to-me
When we last saw our intrepid plastic heroes, Sam and Daniel had been mysteriously transported to a perilous planet without the rest of their team. They narrowly avoided certain Pony doom with help from a blue-haired creature Daniel theorized could be related to the Nox.
Safe from the previous adventure and finally united again with their teammates, SG-1 headed out to explore some ancient ruins on a nice, safe, deserted, completely safe, nothing to worry about here, pleasant, worry-free planet. But then, this is SG-1...
We join our team of exploring heroes on P3X-sure-looks-safe-to-me, where the murals are colorful, the ground looks like the sky, and there are plenty of goodies to keep our scientists happy.
Teal'c stands guard, ensuring everyone is safe and quietly wondering where his hair has gotten to while Daniel digs into the secrets of some ruins and Sam learns what she can about the science of this long-gone civilization. Meanwhile Colonel Mitchell plays a rousing game of cards with General O'Neill, who has chosen to join them on a quiet mission and is contemplating pie.
"Got any twos?"
"General, we're playing gin, not go fish."
"Fine. Got any spades?"
"No."
"Hey, Carter, Daniel, how long's this gonna take?"
"Jack, these ruins are fascinating. It's a dialect of Ancient I've never seen before. Could be an offshoot of the culture, maybe a splinter group who developed differently. There's a lot to study here."
"Well, Daniel, you have until tonight and then we're going home to have pie."
"Uh, Sir?"
"Yes, Carter? Having fun with your snowflake?"
"It's not a snowflake, sir. It's a remarkably accurate model of a benzene molecule. I'm gonna have to get Daniel to help me translate, but I think some of these finds could revolutionize chemistry."
"Oy."
Suddenly there's a flash of light and a dark-haired woman appears near Sam.
"Vala!" she cries, dropping the molecule to excitedly greet the woman. "Where have you been? You can't imagine what it's been like completely surrounded by all these men."
"I'm so glad I found you guys. I've been hopping planets for months," Vala tells her. "There's some rumblings in my information network you'll want to know about. Now, where's Daniel?"
Vala turns to find Daniel heading over to join the card game. "Now, now," she calls. "Aren't you happy to see me?"
Cameron bounces up. "Aeryn! Frell, it's been too long. Wait, why are you wearing green?"
*psst psst psst*
"Oh, wait, wrong show. Vala, so good to see you again. Sam said you had news for us?"
"Just rumblings along the network, someone's been asking questions about where to find you."
"Okay, kids, what do you say we head on home?"
"Hey, guys!" Jonas calls, entering from offscreen.
"Jonas Quinn! It is good to see you well."
"Oh, crap, radiation," Daniel says, running away again.
"Jonas, what have I told you about carrying that thing around? No radiation around Daniel."
"Oh, sorry. Here, I'll leave it here. You can come back, Daniel."
"So, Jonas, how have things been on Kelowna?"
"Oh, you know, nuclear war, Ori taking over, death and destruction. Same old. It was nice when Sam visited though."
"Huh? I never visited."
"Indeed, Samantha Carter has not been to your planet since we removed the Goa'uld from your girlfriend."
"No, no, she was definitely there. Said she'd run into some problems and needed help getting home. I brought her with me."
"Uh, guys," Vala asks, pushing Cameron down and jumping forward with her zat. "Who's that?"
Everyone grabs their guns, except Jonas who has no gun and Daniel, who decides this is a good time to run away again. Except he still can't run very fast because his knees still don't bend.
"Did you miss me?" RepliCarter asks.
"Uh, Sam, how'd your hand turn into a sword and, wait, Sam is..." Jonas mumbles, confused. "This isn't good, is it?"
Meanwhile Cameron is looking similarly befuddled. "I read about you in a few mission reports. But aren't you dead?"
"She's supposed to be!" Daniel calls, trying to run faster.
In a flash RepliCarter has managed to grab Daniel while Cam succumbs to a metal spider with a groan of "not again" and Jonas is down for the count.
"Cooperate and nobody gets hurt," she whispers in Daniel's ear as the team encircles the pair. "I just need a little more information from you. We can get right back to where we left off."
"Ja-ack," Daniel calls.
"Oh, hey," Sam says, bending over to pick up the anti-replicator weapon.
"Shoot her!" Jack calls. "It won't hurt Daniel."
"We don't know that for sure, sir."
"I don't care," Daniel calls. "Just fire!"
"Here goes nothing," says Sam, pulling the trigger. The energy pulse stuns RepliCarter but there is no re-assuring cascade of metal blocks.
"Okay, kids, to the gate. Now!" Jack calls. "I got Quinn. Carter, you help Mitchell. Teal'c, help Daniel."
"Daniel Jackson, you must run faster!"
"I can't, Teal'c. My knees don't bend!"
"Why are your knees dysfunctional? Mine operate perfectly."
"Jack and Mitchell have the same problem. Jaffa anatomy must be superior."
"Yes, yes, I could have told you that months ago. Just hurry up," Vala says, covering their retreat as RepliCarter begins to rise.
As Jonas and Cam stir back to consciousness, they discover chaos at the gate.
"What's taking so long?" Jack calls, aiming the weapon at RepliCarter. "Damnit, Daniel, dial already!"
"I can't!"
"Sir, it appears that she dismantled the DHD."
"Can you not dial manually?" Teal'c asks, leveling his staff weapon.
"Oh, god, this isn't good," Daniel mutters, panicking behind the DHD as the metal spider over-runs Mitchell again and Jack and Teal'c engage RepliCarter.
"Let me take a look," Vala mutters, digging inside the DHD base. "Sam, if we connect this crystal to the dialer and attach it to the powercell of a zat?"
"Yeah, Vala, that just might work. Here, let me get out my magic scientist tools."
"Uh, not to rush you or anything, but HURRY!" Jack calls.
"Hey, maybe this will do something," Jonas mutters, reaching for the PANIC button.
Will our intrepid heroes manage to save the day? Will RepliCarter capture her prize? Will any more things that killed Daniel appear? Will the PANIC button call down help from the Asgard? Will Vala and Sam reassemble the DHD in time? Will Jack ever get his pie? Will Daniel's knees finally bend? Will they find a trampoline large enough for OT7 recreation?
Tune in next week to find out!
Safe from the previous adventure and finally united again with their teammates, SG-1 headed out to explore some ancient ruins on a nice, safe, deserted, completely safe, nothing to worry about here, pleasant, worry-free planet. But then, this is SG-1...
We join our team of exploring heroes on P3X-sure-looks-safe-to-me, where the murals are colorful, the ground looks like the sky, and there are plenty of goodies to keep our scientists happy.
Teal'c stands guard, ensuring everyone is safe and quietly wondering where his hair has gotten to while Daniel digs into the secrets of some ruins and Sam learns what she can about the science of this long-gone civilization. Meanwhile Colonel Mitchell plays a rousing game of cards with General O'Neill, who has chosen to join them on a quiet mission and is contemplating pie.
"Got any twos?"
"General, we're playing gin, not go fish."
"Fine. Got any spades?"
"No."
"Hey, Carter, Daniel, how long's this gonna take?"
"Jack, these ruins are fascinating. It's a dialect of Ancient I've never seen before. Could be an offshoot of the culture, maybe a splinter group who developed differently. There's a lot to study here."
"Well, Daniel, you have until tonight and then we're going home to have pie."
"Uh, Sir?"
"Yes, Carter? Having fun with your snowflake?"
"It's not a snowflake, sir. It's a remarkably accurate model of a benzene molecule. I'm gonna have to get Daniel to help me translate, but I think some of these finds could revolutionize chemistry."
"Oy."
Suddenly there's a flash of light and a dark-haired woman appears near Sam.
"Vala!" she cries, dropping the molecule to excitedly greet the woman. "Where have you been? You can't imagine what it's been like completely surrounded by all these men."
"I'm so glad I found you guys. I've been hopping planets for months," Vala tells her. "There's some rumblings in my information network you'll want to know about. Now, where's Daniel?"
Vala turns to find Daniel heading over to join the card game. "Now, now," she calls. "Aren't you happy to see me?"
Cameron bounces up. "Aeryn! Frell, it's been too long. Wait, why are you wearing green?"
*psst psst psst*
"Oh, wait, wrong show. Vala, so good to see you again. Sam said you had news for us?"
"Just rumblings along the network, someone's been asking questions about where to find you."
"Okay, kids, what do you say we head on home?"
"Hey, guys!" Jonas calls, entering from offscreen.
"Jonas Quinn! It is good to see you well."
"Oh, crap, radiation," Daniel says, running away again.
"Jonas, what have I told you about carrying that thing around? No radiation around Daniel."
"Oh, sorry. Here, I'll leave it here. You can come back, Daniel."
"So, Jonas, how have things been on Kelowna?"
"Oh, you know, nuclear war, Ori taking over, death and destruction. Same old. It was nice when Sam visited though."
"Huh? I never visited."
"Indeed, Samantha Carter has not been to your planet since we removed the Goa'uld from your girlfriend."
"No, no, she was definitely there. Said she'd run into some problems and needed help getting home. I brought her with me."
"Uh, guys," Vala asks, pushing Cameron down and jumping forward with her zat. "Who's that?"
Everyone grabs their guns, except Jonas who has no gun and Daniel, who decides this is a good time to run away again. Except he still can't run very fast because his knees still don't bend.
"Did you miss me?" RepliCarter asks.
"Uh, Sam, how'd your hand turn into a sword and, wait, Sam is..." Jonas mumbles, confused. "This isn't good, is it?"
Meanwhile Cameron is looking similarly befuddled. "I read about you in a few mission reports. But aren't you dead?"
"She's supposed to be!" Daniel calls, trying to run faster.
In a flash RepliCarter has managed to grab Daniel while Cam succumbs to a metal spider with a groan of "not again" and Jonas is down for the count.
"Cooperate and nobody gets hurt," she whispers in Daniel's ear as the team encircles the pair. "I just need a little more information from you. We can get right back to where we left off."
"Ja-ack," Daniel calls.
"Oh, hey," Sam says, bending over to pick up the anti-replicator weapon.
"Shoot her!" Jack calls. "It won't hurt Daniel."
"We don't know that for sure, sir."
"I don't care," Daniel calls. "Just fire!"
"Here goes nothing," says Sam, pulling the trigger. The energy pulse stuns RepliCarter but there is no re-assuring cascade of metal blocks.
"Okay, kids, to the gate. Now!" Jack calls. "I got Quinn. Carter, you help Mitchell. Teal'c, help Daniel."
"Daniel Jackson, you must run faster!"
"I can't, Teal'c. My knees don't bend!"
"Why are your knees dysfunctional? Mine operate perfectly."
"Jack and Mitchell have the same problem. Jaffa anatomy must be superior."
"Yes, yes, I could have told you that months ago. Just hurry up," Vala says, covering their retreat as RepliCarter begins to rise.
As Jonas and Cam stir back to consciousness, they discover chaos at the gate.
"What's taking so long?" Jack calls, aiming the weapon at RepliCarter. "Damnit, Daniel, dial already!"
"I can't!"
"Sir, it appears that she dismantled the DHD."
"Can you not dial manually?" Teal'c asks, leveling his staff weapon.
"Oh, god, this isn't good," Daniel mutters, panicking behind the DHD as the metal spider over-runs Mitchell again and Jack and Teal'c engage RepliCarter.
"Let me take a look," Vala mutters, digging inside the DHD base. "Sam, if we connect this crystal to the dialer and attach it to the powercell of a zat?"
"Yeah, Vala, that just might work. Here, let me get out my magic scientist tools."
"Uh, not to rush you or anything, but HURRY!" Jack calls.
"Hey, maybe this will do something," Jonas mutters, reaching for the PANIC button.
Will our intrepid heroes manage to save the day? Will RepliCarter capture her prize? Will any more things that killed Daniel appear? Will the PANIC button call down help from the Asgard? Will Vala and Sam reassemble the DHD in time? Will Jack ever get his pie? Will Daniel's knees finally bend? Will they find a trampoline large enough for OT7 recreation?
Tune in next week to find out!