A Lot to Learn
Life is very interesting. (yes, I know I am stating the obvious) Over the past few days I have learned so very much about life, love, and many other parts to life. I will not go into the learning process so much as I will the thoughts that the learning process conjured up. So far this week I have been confused, dumbfounded, angry, frustrated, disappointed, so on and so forth. I have experienced quite a bit of the emotional spectrum in a short time span. This roller coaster ride finally came to an end tonight as I digested everything that has happened. Interestingly enough, the end of the ride was triggered by an instance that zapped much of my energy. I drove around waiting for Lance to finish eating. (damn vacuum) While doing so, time slowed down-- which probably explains the ability to digest the emotions I have been feeling. I drove around many of the blocks I used to hang out around when I was a kid. As I drove around these blocks I noticed that I was at a certain point not a minute before. Which in turn made me think about myself. (very conceited, I know) As I start to constipate about life and love, I realize that I do not expound the energy necessary to be in a relationship. I have always come up short on how I should act. And actually, I never invest all my energy into anything. Everything I do is half-assed. Why that is, I do not know. But actually (and I mean actually) realizing it for the first time is a good step in the right direction. All of my relationships(romantic) end up in the same spot. And after the end, I realize that there was so much more I could have done to make the relationship stronger, better. That fact alone is very painful. Knowing that I could have done more to salvage something special is very painful and shameful. But how do I start expounding more energy towards something? I really do not know how to. So far, the results that I have in my life are acceptable. That is all I am looking for. Anything more--great! Anything less? Damn, I should try again. I think part of the reason is that I fear that if I devote all this energy to something--it will fail. And then all will be for naught. Everyone knows the old adage-- "if it ain't broke, don't fix it". Which is something that is not always true yet I live my life by it. I suppose the question is "how do I start to do something I have never done before?". And I will also make the assumption (yes I know, if you make an assumption, you make an ass out of you and umption) that I am the only one who can truly answer that question. But I digress. I will not continue to speak about myself. I apologize to anyone who is still reading this! :-)
Ian. Finally you will get your response. You inquired about my belief in God. I believe the inquiry was how could I believe in God and yet still accept the possibility of God not existing even though I believe in God. I told Lance and Mike that I was going to bring the "pain" on my response. And I was. I researched, I studied, I contemplated my beliefs. And then came to a conclusion. It doesn't matter. My belief is as valid as yours. I truly believe that someones faith is good for them no matter what that faith is. They need that particular belief system in their life for life to make sense. And that belief system can change. And that is okay too. When you boil it all down, no one will really know the truth until we pass on to the next chapter(death). And that is probably how it should be. With all of this being said, I should get going. I cannot blog and im at the same time. I am not as cool as most people are! :-)
Ian. Finally you will get your response. You inquired about my belief in God. I believe the inquiry was how could I believe in God and yet still accept the possibility of God not existing even though I believe in God. I told Lance and Mike that I was going to bring the "pain" on my response. And I was. I researched, I studied, I contemplated my beliefs. And then came to a conclusion. It doesn't matter. My belief is as valid as yours. I truly believe that someones faith is good for them no matter what that faith is. They need that particular belief system in their life for life to make sense. And that belief system can change. And that is okay too. When you boil it all down, no one will really know the truth until we pass on to the next chapter(death). And that is probably how it should be. With all of this being said, I should get going. I cannot blog and im at the same time. I am not as cool as most people are! :-)