Well, my visit to Minnesota, was short, sweet and melancholy. (My trip part 1)
I ended up not only mourning the death of my beloved Smudge (grey and white cat I had since I was 12 that died in July) but also the death of my Figaro, (cat I had since I was 14 that died the night before I arrived to my parents house. :( Smudge was named that because some of his grey looked like a paint smudge on his face, and Figaro, well I just liked that name ever since I saw "Pinnioccio" (sp). Smudge and Figaro not only were both grey and white but they became pals, they acted like brothers and partners in crime. When they were together we'd call them "the grey and whites." The fact that they'd both die the same year makes it seem like the end of an era for me and my family. The end of "the grey of whites" I've been grieving for Smudge since his death in July, but something about being at my parents house where all of my recent fond memories of him just made his death more real to me. (The cats had lived with my parents after I left home) Figaro died while my parents I were in Detroit Lakes after my train came in, we stayed at a motel since it didn't come in til the middle of the night. My mom prepared me that she didn't think Figaro would make it through the night. My grandma broke the bad news to me when we arrived home but she told me he came and slept by her bed right before it happened. At least she provided him comfort, I'm glad he didn't die alone. It just makes me sad, had I planned my trip just a day earlier, I could have comforted him and said goodbye to him as he took his last breath, instead I had to say goodbye to his cold lifeless body. His fur was still soft and he looked peaceful atleast. I don't know what's been harder, hearing the details about Smudge and Figaro their final days and hours or knowing their not around anymore.
I just really didn't expect the sadness to hit me so hard, being back at my parents house, reliving all the memories, all the joy, and then experiencing their absence knowing it's permanent. How could two critters that gave me so much love and laughter over the past 16 and 18 years be giving me so much pain and sorrow right no? I'm usually a firm believer in taking the good with the bad, but right now it just seems so unfair, I feel like a little kid again, asking my mother why animals and people have to grow old and die. Then the older more mature part of me remembers that's just how thing work here on ol planet earth and that some day all of this is going to make sense to me, and if not, well I'll die someday too and therefore will no longer care. It wasn't all bad I guess, my visit, my mom felt comforted by having me there, she and I were probably the most attached to those critters. And to look on the brights side, (if there is a bright side) now the grey and whites will no longer have to suffer old age, both of them been sick, too thin and weak, towards the end and that's no way to live. This visit has in a way given me some closure in helping me believe they are really gone, now maybe the healing process can begin. My parents have other cats, and I know some day I'll adopt my own, but they'll never have the exact same markings, or personalities and I won't have the same cherished memories. I guess in the end that's what makes pets special, the fact that there not really replaceable, not to me anyway.
.........I'll post about the other details of my trip later, I have to go cry for while.
(I would post some pictures but I can't look at any right now without sobbing uncontrollably......oh and comments to this post will be screen initially and warning, if you feel the need to make a comment please be kind, I can't handle any snide remarks right now)
I just really didn't expect the sadness to hit me so hard, being back at my parents house, reliving all the memories, all the joy, and then experiencing their absence knowing it's permanent. How could two critters that gave me so much love and laughter over the past 16 and 18 years be giving me so much pain and sorrow right no? I'm usually a firm believer in taking the good with the bad, but right now it just seems so unfair, I feel like a little kid again, asking my mother why animals and people have to grow old and die. Then the older more mature part of me remembers that's just how thing work here on ol planet earth and that some day all of this is going to make sense to me, and if not, well I'll die someday too and therefore will no longer care. It wasn't all bad I guess, my visit, my mom felt comforted by having me there, she and I were probably the most attached to those critters. And to look on the brights side, (if there is a bright side) now the grey and whites will no longer have to suffer old age, both of them been sick, too thin and weak, towards the end and that's no way to live. This visit has in a way given me some closure in helping me believe they are really gone, now maybe the healing process can begin. My parents have other cats, and I know some day I'll adopt my own, but they'll never have the exact same markings, or personalities and I won't have the same cherished memories. I guess in the end that's what makes pets special, the fact that there not really replaceable, not to me anyway.
.........I'll post about the other details of my trip later, I have to go cry for while.
(I would post some pictures but I can't look at any right now without sobbing uncontrollably......oh and comments to this post will be screen initially and warning, if you feel the need to make a comment please be kind, I can't handle any snide remarks right now)