(no subject)

[abutifulregret]

I'm not even sure what keeps me going anymore. I forget to breathe sometimes when it gets particualry bad, and I forget what I'm even doing here. I don't have anything to make me happy. I feel alone 99.9% of the time, even when I'm standing in the middle of a crowd. And I don't smile. Not real ones like I used to, but I'm a pro at faking them now. I hate it here so much that it makes my entire body ache, all the way down to my hair follicles.

I used to be able to comfort myself in the notion that this would all pass. But I don't think that's going to work this time. Not this time.