Hi

[deepanalysis]

I just want to say, my name is Damian. I am 22 years old, a gay male from New York. I was molested by a cousin when I was very, very young and had a difficult time dealing with particularly the sexual fantasies that I had afterward. The fantasies that I had never really went away and I have come to terms with everything for the most part. I don't

Comments

ugh ya know the feeling

[thomas_allen88]

My whole live is in my first post on here way back up till 12 or 13, rest of my life is my journal what was nothing but abuse that I deal with ever day. I'm 19 yrs old and I'm not the "good little faggot I try and portray, I'm really- “A hyperactive emotionally innocent but disturbed, sexual and physically abused, incompetent emancipated at 13 devilish little boy what’s easily intimidated”, sometimes annoying that lacks enough common sense at a time to know it was wrong and not tell anyone that sex is not a sport what to be played at all costs with every person that runs across me-, that's been committed couple times to the ‘mental house’ (three years out of my life so far) last year twice to the "mental Health hospital for couple week each time. Alcohol rehab couple time, took three time before I figured out what they wanted me to stop drinking,The first time at 11,then 14,17 and I haven't caught on yet an ya I'm really 19.
I'm emotionally incompetent, mentally insane with papers to prove it, spend way too much time with my “faggot’ friends and not enough with my shrink.
I’m easily intimidated and I believe in the phase "pain is optional. suffering is inevitable", I'm in pain a lot. Wanta check the link to my mind, my journal is it. My escape to reality guess you could say.
Live with my adopted parents that are the greatest, love them with all my heard, there black, and I'm totally ok with that but that didn't happen till I was 16 what was kinda late really what the damage had been done by then.
State kid from 10, to many fosters homes to even start to think about. I'm gay, I'm a faggot, queer, I suck cock, or whatever, I'm out and I'm loud an can be annoying if I’m mad, I'm screwed up mentally and not by my own doing either. Love to have fun but one of those boys that sometimes lacks common sense at some things and winds in trouble so need supervision. I’m book smart but I’m a total dork about most things out side school. I'm A straight-A plus schooler, graduating at 102 out of 1400 seniors but, outside school I'm so lost without someone with me. I get so hyper then freak out and all to often then having to do "48" away to calm down I need that someone telling me it’s ok to do something or not too, what DMR calls Hi maintenance at times. Most of the kids in hi school figured it out so I got teased about it all the time.
God why am I even putting this in here?, maybe I need to every so often to remind myself of others pain. I guess I'm high maintains at times but still and I know it all goes back the the abuse by my so called mother and all the drunk, cracked out jerks she'd bring home for sex and somehow it was be being forced in to lot of the time.
Mother's long gone,(thank god) no idea who my father was,she has no clue either duh.
IN COLLEGE now in a New England state, how or why is beyond me, my friend EJ guess got it right, I'm to stupid to give up, it's just the pain of it all, never going to really go away.
ya there's pain from it, each one is different but for the suffering, that's your, mine and the next kids to have to deal with. I'm over the abuse part, its the part what I didn't know it was wrong till way to late that makes my mine a mess, I mean I was to stupid to see it, or is it i was to messed up to realize it, it's why I drink, why I freak out,why I cry,why why why I ? All my life all I hear is " it will be ok" NO IT won't. I'm almost beginning to like the feel of the pain at times.ugh