(no subject)
Neglected, but not forgotten. Sorry, journal.
These last few weeks wheeled by rather uneventfully, or if there were any events of import, I can't quite remember them, so perhaps they aren't of such import anyway. I've basically been writing papers, going to school, and going to work to fill the space and time in my life. I do remember renting A Cinderella Story and Day After Tomorrow with Brandon and taking in too much wine, but that's more a silly diversion than an event of importance.
Now here we are on the verge of Thanksgiving and I find myself on a verge of my own, emotionally speaking. I feel like there's not much constant in my life, with a job that has no stable schedule, a social life that vascillates from torpidity to a 3-cups-of-espresso caffeine all night high, and the fear and uncertainty that comes with persuing higher education.
I think I just miss everyone in Fort Worth
And romantic life?
[Aaron looks around, confused]
Is there anything more unstable, unsure, a source of insecurity? Hah! Pretty much from the end of August to the end of October you couldn't have picked me out of a lineup of Franciscan monks (well, maybe you could, but you get the point). I was just so pessimistic about people in general, I had no desire to dive in to those treacherous waters once again...But that being said, I do suppose time heals all wounds of the heart, whether they be self-inflicted or inflicted from some other malicious source, so I think it's time to take a deep breath and leap into the murky waters once again.
I just have such a huge trust issue with people, because I doubt what they say is what they mean (which is only supported and made stronger by past experiences), and I have a ton of self doubt of my own actions and feelings. So many people think I'm heartless or a hard ass, but it couldn't be farther from the truth. that view only stems from my fear of showing someone real emotion coupled with the fact that they aren't in the inner circle of my friends and the ones I care deeply for. Showing how I really feel is by far the most difficult thing for me to do in my life, because I'm just scared that it's going to turn around and hurt me, and I'm not about to let myself get hurt - by anyone.
Is there anyone out there that feels the same?
Okay, enough of that emotional vomit.
We'll see how things go.
These last few weeks wheeled by rather uneventfully, or if there were any events of import, I can't quite remember them, so perhaps they aren't of such import anyway. I've basically been writing papers, going to school, and going to work to fill the space and time in my life. I do remember renting A Cinderella Story and Day After Tomorrow with Brandon and taking in too much wine, but that's more a silly diversion than an event of importance.
Now here we are on the verge of Thanksgiving and I find myself on a verge of my own, emotionally speaking. I feel like there's not much constant in my life, with a job that has no stable schedule, a social life that vascillates from torpidity to a 3-cups-of-espresso caffeine all night high, and the fear and uncertainty that comes with persuing higher education.
I think I just miss everyone in Fort Worth
And romantic life?
[Aaron looks around, confused]
Is there anything more unstable, unsure, a source of insecurity? Hah! Pretty much from the end of August to the end of October you couldn't have picked me out of a lineup of Franciscan monks (well, maybe you could, but you get the point). I was just so pessimistic about people in general, I had no desire to dive in to those treacherous waters once again...But that being said, I do suppose time heals all wounds of the heart, whether they be self-inflicted or inflicted from some other malicious source, so I think it's time to take a deep breath and leap into the murky waters once again.
I just have such a huge trust issue with people, because I doubt what they say is what they mean (which is only supported and made stronger by past experiences), and I have a ton of self doubt of my own actions and feelings. So many people think I'm heartless or a hard ass, but it couldn't be farther from the truth. that view only stems from my fear of showing someone real emotion coupled with the fact that they aren't in the inner circle of my friends and the ones I care deeply for. Showing how I really feel is by far the most difficult thing for me to do in my life, because I'm just scared that it's going to turn around and hurt me, and I'm not about to let myself get hurt - by anyone.
Is there anyone out there that feels the same?
Okay, enough of that emotional vomit.
We'll see how things go.