nights
the past three nights have all been torturous in some way. tuesday night i went to some party after being with adam all day folding clothes and whatnot for his trip. he was still very calm. he took me home that night and said he'd stay a while like usual, so i made him watch a movie about ballet since i watched one on skateboarding. i was pretty wasted...it was like my mind seeped from my body and wouldn't let me feel anything. he wanted me to understand so bad!!! i think it would tear me to pieces to watch, but he grabbed me and shook as hard as he could almost yelling that he was leaving, but nothing happened. i was limp. i couldn't feel the sadness that i knew would eventually come. it was too surreal! he stared at me a good while and i asked him what he was thinking about. he answered with, "if i should leave or not." he only meant for that night and we would have seen each other before he left but it made me melt. he fell back in amazment at such power in his words when tears finally streamed down my face. that was it for being emotionless. he stayed two more hours as i bawled in his arms. the entire day had been spent having serious discussions about "us" but the one and most bonding thing happened then. well...i started off by saying i was dying over and over and it ended with how much i loved him. he said it in return about five himutes later and we were both gone. our miserable state was what we both needed.
wednesday night was worse in a different way. i went over to his house around nine with his brother's girlfriend, his brother's room mate's girlfriend, and adam's ex-girlfriend. (yes...emily) we helped him finish packing for a couple hours, then his parents went to bed. we spent about an hour in walmart buying ANOTHER camera (he took FIVE!) he requested to go to his oasis, the train tracks beside Pig Pen. that's where we always went and climbed all the towers and played in the "secret garden." at one point, adam was on top of a train talking to emily for a whole goddamn hour, so i stayed with kristin and laura and we built a fire and drank beer we found in our garden. adam took me into the building (with much climbing) where they keep all the huge machinery. we talked for another hour about things in general...mostly dance and what it is for me. ironic since HE was the one leaving. we finally went back to his house and found his parents mad as hell that they woke up at 4am and found no one at home. we spent his last hour pushing suitcases, then standing on his pourch in silence waiting for his ride. it wasn't like tension, but more like sadness on the brim that could have errupted violently at any given moment, but was being expertly repressed. when his ride arrived he hugged everyone, then grabbed me and i sobbed yet again. he said he loved me and would be back soon.
soon my ass...3 months soon. Ecuador. a whole world away and so long!september 1st...i really thought i was dying, and i don't feel like writing about last night anymore.
wednesday night was worse in a different way. i went over to his house around nine with his brother's girlfriend, his brother's room mate's girlfriend, and adam's ex-girlfriend. (yes...emily) we helped him finish packing for a couple hours, then his parents went to bed. we spent about an hour in walmart buying ANOTHER camera (he took FIVE!) he requested to go to his oasis, the train tracks beside Pig Pen. that's where we always went and climbed all the towers and played in the "secret garden." at one point, adam was on top of a train talking to emily for a whole goddamn hour, so i stayed with kristin and laura and we built a fire and drank beer we found in our garden. adam took me into the building (with much climbing) where they keep all the huge machinery. we talked for another hour about things in general...mostly dance and what it is for me. ironic since HE was the one leaving. we finally went back to his house and found his parents mad as hell that they woke up at 4am and found no one at home. we spent his last hour pushing suitcases, then standing on his pourch in silence waiting for his ride. it wasn't like tension, but more like sadness on the brim that could have errupted violently at any given moment, but was being expertly repressed. when his ride arrived he hugged everyone, then grabbed me and i sobbed yet again. he said he loved me and would be back soon.
soon my ass...3 months soon. Ecuador. a whole world away and so long!september 1st...i really thought i was dying, and i don't feel like writing about last night anymore.