Rant......Rant....Rant....SEETHE
It hurts soooo very much. 6 weeks into the new term, and I can't do ANY FUCKING MATHS....and it hurts so much when I walk past the art rooms, and my corner calls to me, and my friends show me what they are doing in art at the moment. I know if I did art, no university would appreciate it, I would have to spend all my spare time doing art, I wouldn't be THAT good at it, and I would have to give up half my free periods to do art in the art room. I miss doing it soo much. Why, why, WHY, AM I DOING MATHS...why? It is physically and mentally breaking me. I can't do it, I have fought it, I have whined I and shouted and finally it has taken me to the point where I just break down and cry. Lame isn't it. Well by my standards it is. I miss doing a subject I loved so much; I wouldn't have dropped it if my old teacher hadn't left. I hate all the art teachers in my school now and in love with my maths one. But still I can't do it, and someone who did it for A2 just told me it gets a whole lot harder and what I am doing now is 'easy'
Well that just topped me, I have stormed out of the common room, cursing, throwing my books down, chucking my pen across the room saying 'WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T I CHOOSE ART'---Diva style no?
Yeah I could change, but my love for that subject won't change the fact I hate the teachers, and that I would spend so long doing things that universities won't appreciate unless I do an art course. Plus I want to be a pilot...need maths for that, but I don't see how I am going to do it as I feel so stupid right now. I know I'm not, I mean fuck, the school I am at dictates that I am not, my GCSE's tell me I'm not, everything tells me I'm not, but for FUCKING MATHS. I can’t do it. I am not used to being unable to do something. I will keep at it until I get it right, but no matter how many times I do a question, or how I work backwards or how many different answers I get, they are all wrong. This frustrates me.....frustrated Liz gets violent, and then she breaks. Six weeks is all it has taken to be broken. People have broken me but that was after a year and a half of wearing me down. Chemistry broke me, but then my new teacher came, he bent over and the chemistry world made no sense, but he had a nice butt so it numbed the pain, and that brakeage took a year.
Why can'[t I do this....In the grand scheme of things, it isn't that important. I mean, some of you are having a far worse time than me. *hugs to Mel*
NOW THE WHINNING GETS GOOD
It is raining so bad that, all my trousers are wet from skiving running around outside in the rain yesterday. Then waiting in the rain for my lift home.
I got wet walking from my friend’s car to the common room today.
I will get wet when I walk to the shops in a minute.
I want snow!!!
I WANT SNOW DAMNIT.
The Soya milk in my tea tastes 'funky' so I have no more tea for the rest of the day. (Damned dodgy communal fridge)
Need to go on a diet as the vending machine in the common room shouts at me to buy food, and the staticness of sitting behind a desk writing all day is not burning off the crap from said vending machine.
There are 2 boys at the moment who won't leave me alone.....well one got the gist I wasn’t interested the other day, and the other is sweet, but keeps on with corny lines and crap...urgh, does no one understand who much I LOVE BEING SINGLE! Currently feel like I have nothing in common with my friends here....EMMA I MISS YOU, and let me see your tattoo.
Have an essay to do for Friday, which I can't do.
Have 2 weeks half term from Monday.
Going out on Saturday.....going to get very drunk I can tell
Going to buy pretty new shoes at 10....but then I will have no money *sighs*
Lets be melodramatic shall we....WORE IS ME, WOE IS FUCKING ME
I am actually gonna spell check this now so go me
Well that just topped me, I have stormed out of the common room, cursing, throwing my books down, chucking my pen across the room saying 'WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T I CHOOSE ART'---Diva style no?
Yeah I could change, but my love for that subject won't change the fact I hate the teachers, and that I would spend so long doing things that universities won't appreciate unless I do an art course. Plus I want to be a pilot...need maths for that, but I don't see how I am going to do it as I feel so stupid right now. I know I'm not, I mean fuck, the school I am at dictates that I am not, my GCSE's tell me I'm not, everything tells me I'm not, but for FUCKING MATHS. I can’t do it. I am not used to being unable to do something. I will keep at it until I get it right, but no matter how many times I do a question, or how I work backwards or how many different answers I get, they are all wrong. This frustrates me.....frustrated Liz gets violent, and then she breaks. Six weeks is all it has taken to be broken. People have broken me but that was after a year and a half of wearing me down. Chemistry broke me, but then my new teacher came, he bent over and the chemistry world made no sense, but he had a nice butt so it numbed the pain, and that brakeage took a year.
Why can'[t I do this....In the grand scheme of things, it isn't that important. I mean, some of you are having a far worse time than me. *hugs to Mel*
NOW THE WHINNING GETS GOOD
It is raining so bad that, all my trousers are wet from skiving running around outside in the rain yesterday. Then waiting in the rain for my lift home.
I got wet walking from my friend’s car to the common room today.
I will get wet when I walk to the shops in a minute.
I want snow!!!
I WANT SNOW DAMNIT.
The Soya milk in my tea tastes 'funky' so I have no more tea for the rest of the day. (Damned dodgy communal fridge)
Need to go on a diet as the vending machine in the common room shouts at me to buy food, and the staticness of sitting behind a desk writing all day is not burning off the crap from said vending machine.
There are 2 boys at the moment who won't leave me alone.....well one got the gist I wasn’t interested the other day, and the other is sweet, but keeps on with corny lines and crap...urgh, does no one understand who much I LOVE BEING SINGLE! Currently feel like I have nothing in common with my friends here....EMMA I MISS YOU, and let me see your tattoo.
Have an essay to do for Friday, which I can't do.
Have 2 weeks half term from Monday.
Going out on Saturday.....going to get very drunk I can tell
Going to buy pretty new shoes at 10....but then I will have no money *sighs*
Lets be melodramatic shall we....WORE IS ME, WOE IS FUCKING ME
I am actually gonna spell check this now so go me