a week I never want to re-live
I ended up telling my boss that I would work on Friday after all because I knew it would have just been too much of a problem for me to not be there that day due to the events of the past week.
Friday was Shirley's funeral. Several of my coworkers and I went. It was at 10:00 in the morning so I had to go into work for about an hour and a half and then we all left for the funeral home. There weren't a ton of people there, which made me sad because Shirley really was a great person, I would have expected more people to be there but maybe more were at the calling hours/wake the night before (which I didn't go to so I'm not really sure how many people were there). I was sitting there in the funeral home thinking "I feel like my body won't allow me to cry even though my brain feels like it wants to. What should I do? Will I look rude and heartless if I don't cry? Should I think of lots of things that will make me sad so I will be forced to cry?" And those sorts of thoughts kept rolling through my head until one of Shirley's sisters got up in front of everyone and read a poem and a few things she said about her, basically referring to her struggling to hang on in the hospital, did me in. I couldn't help it, I no longer had to consider making myself cry, at that point the tears stung my eyes and trailed down my face without warning. The same thing happened when we had to walk up to the front of the room where her casket lay (it wasn't open, thank goodness!) and I saw the pictures of her surrounding it and her family weeping in the front row. I cried once again when we were at the cemetery once the funeral was over, and everyone kept standing there staring at the casket. The whole things was just sad and emotionally draining and I wasn't even that close to Shirley. I can't imagine (and I really don't want to find out, though I know I will one day) what it's like to lose someone who is VERY close to you, if it was this horrible for me and I was just a coworker/friend.
We were back at work at around Noon. It was strange to go back to work immediately after and have to jump right into doing the rush jobs that were due that day, especially because I'm doing Shirley's job. It just felt wrong. I did my best to concentrate and keep up with things though the rest of my day was mostly spent in a fog.
Yesterday and today were rather uneventful. I completely wasted the weekend. The only thing good that came out of it was yesterday when Cory and I decided to take a ride and came across a really neat used bookstore in a nearby town. I spent at least 45 minutes to an hour pawing through all of the books. They had a good selection, from really old antique books that would be great for making altered books with, to fairly recent best sellers. Most of the books were under $5. I didn't buy anything because I didn't see anything I HAD TO have and I am trying the best I can to be stingy with my cash since I have a tendency to spend money on silly things that I can't afford. When I have a few extra dollars I will definitely go back there someday, in fact I think that will be new favorite place to go when I have nothing better to do, and there is an asian grocery just down the road from it, which I haven't checked out yet but I will soon because I bet they have yummy Asian candy. Mmmm.
Today we were driving around with no destination in mind once again and we wound up at Cory's parents house, hung out there for a while and then came back home and went grocery shopping.
Oh my life is just non-stop excitement. Aren't you all jealous?
So, yeah, the past 7 days or so are not ones that I will remember fondly.
On to another week, let's hope this one is better.
Friday was Shirley's funeral. Several of my coworkers and I went. It was at 10:00 in the morning so I had to go into work for about an hour and a half and then we all left for the funeral home. There weren't a ton of people there, which made me sad because Shirley really was a great person, I would have expected more people to be there but maybe more were at the calling hours/wake the night before (which I didn't go to so I'm not really sure how many people were there). I was sitting there in the funeral home thinking "I feel like my body won't allow me to cry even though my brain feels like it wants to. What should I do? Will I look rude and heartless if I don't cry? Should I think of lots of things that will make me sad so I will be forced to cry?" And those sorts of thoughts kept rolling through my head until one of Shirley's sisters got up in front of everyone and read a poem and a few things she said about her, basically referring to her struggling to hang on in the hospital, did me in. I couldn't help it, I no longer had to consider making myself cry, at that point the tears stung my eyes and trailed down my face without warning. The same thing happened when we had to walk up to the front of the room where her casket lay (it wasn't open, thank goodness!) and I saw the pictures of her surrounding it and her family weeping in the front row. I cried once again when we were at the cemetery once the funeral was over, and everyone kept standing there staring at the casket. The whole things was just sad and emotionally draining and I wasn't even that close to Shirley. I can't imagine (and I really don't want to find out, though I know I will one day) what it's like to lose someone who is VERY close to you, if it was this horrible for me and I was just a coworker/friend.
We were back at work at around Noon. It was strange to go back to work immediately after and have to jump right into doing the rush jobs that were due that day, especially because I'm doing Shirley's job. It just felt wrong. I did my best to concentrate and keep up with things though the rest of my day was mostly spent in a fog.
Yesterday and today were rather uneventful. I completely wasted the weekend. The only thing good that came out of it was yesterday when Cory and I decided to take a ride and came across a really neat used bookstore in a nearby town. I spent at least 45 minutes to an hour pawing through all of the books. They had a good selection, from really old antique books that would be great for making altered books with, to fairly recent best sellers. Most of the books were under $5. I didn't buy anything because I didn't see anything I HAD TO have and I am trying the best I can to be stingy with my cash since I have a tendency to spend money on silly things that I can't afford. When I have a few extra dollars I will definitely go back there someday, in fact I think that will be new favorite place to go when I have nothing better to do, and there is an asian grocery just down the road from it, which I haven't checked out yet but I will soon because I bet they have yummy Asian candy. Mmmm.
Today we were driving around with no destination in mind once again and we wound up at Cory's parents house, hung out there for a while and then came back home and went grocery shopping.
Oh my life is just non-stop excitement. Aren't you all jealous?
So, yeah, the past 7 days or so are not ones that I will remember fondly.
On to another week, let's hope this one is better.