broken and the such

[absurd_alice]

so i guess it was about time that i had my heart broken again. i mean it has been awhile. even when alaya told me he cheated on me i didn't feel like this. but then i knew that he and i were over, there is something different about this time. there was no cheating there was just a friendship we let go to far i guess, but it felt right to me, so why is it that it felt so wrong to him . you never want anyone to tell you that they feel like they have been leading you on or anything like that and he did. i am only a close friend who he wants to cuddle with. anything more is a waste i suppose. and i hate feeling this way, i try not to care, but i have been caring for awhile now and i can't just cut it off now. my chest is heavy and my head hurts from thinking of all of the what if's. i know it is useless and thats why i am not trying. you feel how you feel how you feel and if he hasn't seen me in a different light in the seven months this has been going on then i guess it will never happen.

on another note, school kicked my ass this week and i couldn't be happier for the weekend. i really just can't wait for this drowning feeling to disappear.

le sigh.