(no subject)
Dear You,
Why is it so hard to let go, long after you've gone. Why is it so difficult for me to figure the answers to all these questions you left behind. Days go by where I don't even think of you, then there are those days where I cannot stop the tears. I'm haunted by the image of your smiling face, only days before you took yourself away. I wish I'd told you those three little words, but I didn't. I fail to remember what exactly happened those two days before your death, but I remember exactly how I felt the day of of it. A mixture of disbelief, anger, complete sadness, and emptiness filled me. Everything was like a diluted nightmare, I just remember failing to believe it; it was so impossible. WHY? Why would you do such a thing? What was SO terrible, that you had to take your own life? You had brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, and a wife and children who loved you so very much. What sent you over the edge?! Did you not even LOVE us enough to have left a simple note. Where you scared that we'd hate you for your reasons? Well guess what, we hate you for the reasons you didn't leave us! You're such a selfish bastard. We loved you so much, we'd have done ANYTHING for you, and still you went away. You've placed a fear in my heart. A fear that any day I can lose someone I love, the way that I lost you. I can't bring myself to get close to anyone, with fear of them leaving because of me. Were we really that terrible, that you had to get away, and that was the only way you could think of?! I'm so sorry I didn't constantly tell you I loved you. I'm so sorry I couldn't recognize what was going on in your head, and attempted to stop you. I'm so sorry that I sometimes try to forget you so that this pain goes away. I'm so sorry that I can't find the words to express how I feel every single day without you. You've been gone two whole years, and still these emotions and thoughts linger with me. Still do they torment me with each breath that I take. I picture your loving face and constantly ask, WHY?! Knowing full well, that I will NEVER know the answer. I'm sorry that I was a NOBODY in your life, but you were a major SOMEBODY in mine. I want to forget you, but I know that as long as I live, I never will. Thank you for loving us so much, to think of us in your time of need, to see this as your only way of keeping you in our thoughts forever ... Thank you for taking a little more of whatever heart I had left with you.
Your Goddaughter,
Marcia