(no subject)

[absolutionofsin]

This weekend was amazing, like really wonderful. It felt so good to be in our new apartment with him, it felt good to have him come home from work to me at night, and it just all felt so right. Leaving was really hard, we were both very upset and hurt. But ill be back there this weekend, thank god. I can’t decide what i'm going to do about moving. I talked to my mother about it today, and while she’s very upset about the fact that I want to "give up my life for him" she is willing to let me go, I wonder if she’s just giving me enough rope to hang myself, probably but at least she’s not fighting me on it. my biggest problem is finding a way to make school work, I really don’t want to give it all up, I want it to be done and over with, but I won’t just quit, that would make this entire semester of fighting and working and getting up early a total waste of my time, besides its too hard to make enough $ to live on without a degree of some kind, and someday I would like to be able to support us both the way he does now. I found a school up there, it’s got a good business program, possibly better than the one i’m in now, I also found a hair dressing school up there, and both are about 20-30 min from the apartment. It’s just a matter of getting transferred and getting things like loans all settled and done with. The fact of the matter is I just don’t know how to do any of that. mum made a good suggestion though, she agreed to let me spend weekends up there until the end of spring semester so that I have the summer to go up there find a job get all my transfers done and then do my second year up there. its not a bad idea, I even think that I would be ok with it so long as I can find something else to do with my time that keeps me from getting separation anxiety and depression while i’m back here. the problem with that plan is how on earth do I tell him, the poor thing is so stressed out at work, he tells me all the time that knowing I’ll be there with him soon makes it so much easier to do what he has to do at work now so that he will be able to give me a life I deserve. He wants me there now, I want to be there now, it is going to be so hard to tell him that we'll have to wait until May and not have him think i’m trying to back out all together.

I really wish there was just one right answer to all of this, there isn’t though, if I could just figure out how to make this work i would be so happy, i want so badly for it to be easy