(no subject)
I guess in a lot of ways, life has been getting better. I'm even in a semi-relationship with a guy who adores me, writes vignettes about our time together, appreciates my idiosyncrasies and holds me close to his body in the swimming pool at dawn when I shiver.
I wonder when I will be able to fully let go of Andrew and sink my faith, trust, and love into another. Last night I saw him out at the bars, and I wasn't expecting it to hurt the way it did. Something about his presence just makes me feel stupid and inferior and awful about who I am. Maybe that's just the way it goes when you get dumped by someone. It doesn't matter how "over" the person you are, because he dumped you. He weighed your pros and your cons and decided that the latter list was longer. He eliminated you from his life because you no longer measured up. That's how it goes, and that's why it lingers. The shame is what stays long after the love goes away.
I wonder when I will be able to fully let go of Andrew and sink my faith, trust, and love into another. Last night I saw him out at the bars, and I wasn't expecting it to hurt the way it did. Something about his presence just makes me feel stupid and inferior and awful about who I am. Maybe that's just the way it goes when you get dumped by someone. It doesn't matter how "over" the person you are, because he dumped you. He weighed your pros and your cons and decided that the latter list was longer. He eliminated you from his life because you no longer measured up. That's how it goes, and that's why it lingers. The shame is what stays long after the love goes away.