aerodynamic [[oh alexander]]
why do i now know two people who have died of a heroin overdose? this is terrible. i really didn't know josh that well, but i hope he rests in peace, because addiction is really a terrible thing and i'm sorry it had to happen that way
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yes we were friends in middle school but times changed and we became two very different people. also i never once said i hated you - just so you know. about the whole deleting you shit - i didnt want to do it.. you know who told me to and i for some odd reason listened? max did. he may not admit it - but he did. it was because he knew i was mentioning him in my entried and he didnt want you to see them. plus i never said i was going out with max and i never will say i went out with him - cause i didnt, and i know that. yeah sure it sucked to be dumped or w/e he did to me, BUT out of ALL people fran i figure youd understand the most. and i constatly obsess over you two? oh please. i have the right to be upset over the situation but obsess is taking it a little too far. what you and max do is youre buisness.. and what i do is mine. im allowed to say what i want francesca and if its about you or anyone in particular and you dont like it - dont fucking read it. my apologies for anything ive said that may have hurt you but i dont take it back.
- cait
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let me explain something--i mentioned us being friends just to allude to the fact that we never had any beef over anything whatsoever, and that i can't understand why you would dislike me so much. that's all i meant by that.
secondly, i know that max told you to take me off of my friends list because he didn't want to start trouble. whatever. i don't care.
thirdly, you put on your aol profile under marital status: max xoxo <3, so obviously that means you think you were going out. unless that means something else, but i highly doubt it.
obsess? maybe i could've used a better word. but yes, you do mention him and/or me in your entries; mostly how you now hate him; more than usual considering that max and i have never bothered you about anything. in fact, up until now, i have never said anything about you or to you for anything to stir up. i've minded my business. i don't like starting useless fights. not like i'm starting one now. but when you harp over stupid shit--that pisses me off. i'm referring to a myspace entry in which you feel the need to express, with no motive whatsoever, that you do not, in fact, like max anymore, and you think it's the other way around. okay--if this is true, i don't really see the need for you to put it out there so--blantantly--as if people aren't really getting it yet. i think people would more or less take the hint if you just dropped both of us as a topic completely.
of course i understand that it sucks to be dumped. i'm a human, correct? i have emotions. i'm more sensitive than most people, if you haven't noticed. i was extremely uncomfortable for the period of time in which you believed that max liked you, or whatever you believed, but i let max deal with the situation himself, instead of getting mad and cursing you off or something stupid. i understand that, obviously, you have feelings too, and i wasn't about to make matters worse by putting my two cents in.
i have a livejournal as well as you do, cait, and i understand that you can say whatever the fuck you want in it. but i've also learned that saying mean shit about people in it doesn't get you anywhere but further into conflict. trust me--i've had my fair share of people getting pissed at me for saying stuff about them in my livejournal, and i've learned my lesson. from now on, all i do is speak my mind, and if people don't like it, fuck 'em. but i'm not going to blatantly point out everything that i truly think about people, because that just stupid and again, leads me nowhere but further into the belly of the beast.
again, i don't care who sees this, and i really don't care if you listen to me or not. i'm just an opinionated person, and when i have something to say, i'm going to say it if it's relatively constructive in my opinion. you don't have to believe me about any of this -- i just appreciate that you read it in the first place. what you get out of it and how you take it is entirely in your hands. i do nothing but put it out there.
so--to however you read this; power to you.
-francesca
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okay right now i want to fully apologize for dragging you into this situation.. it was fucked up and not fair to anyone who was involved. you have to understand that i knew none of what you told me until now. i didnt know you guys were still together and if i did know i wouldnt have touched max and put myself in this situation cause frankly it sucks. about the obsessing crap i double checked myself and i hadnt mentioned max or you for that matter in over a month except for that recent lj entry and the myspace thing. and about the myspace blog - yes it was to max and i know it was obvious cause i wanted him to see it. i only said it because when he had been high he got VERY touchy and emotional and it always seemed to be aimed towards me. and im not alone when i say that, the other girls who were with me will back that too. im really sorry max was very shady throughout the summer if i had known this could/would have been avoided. im sorry if i was the cause to any problems cause i didnt mean it intentionaly.
so to clear things up i dont hate you or max at all. do i want to be on a clean slate with you? of course. do i want to be max's friend anymore? not really because frankly i think hes shady and not the kind of person i want to associate with anymore.
so my apolgoies to you & i hope you and max are happy and were all on a good note now.
sorry.
cait
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