(Untitled)

[sealsevil]

Who: Aerith (sealsevil) & Zack (existenta)
What: Reunion
Where: Church
When: Backdated to yesterday night

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[existenta]

It hurt.

More than he ever wanted to admit. More so than he'd have thought it would have, much more than when he was barely speculating on it himself after talking with Tifa. By the time he'd parted ways with Sephiroth, his uncertainty and discontent with that possible situation had heightened so much that he had fleeting hopes Aerith wouldn't be coming back. Not because he wasn't worried or didn't care or didn't want to see her again, but because he wasn't sure just how he'd be able to look her in the eye again, if that was true. If.There was no proof, exactly, and his source had been Sephiroth and one hell of an unstable atmosphere that definitely helped hype the imagery. Zack was not so naive to believe that what he'd seen and been told was 100% accurately true, but that didn't stop him from feeling the way he did. Because, what if it was true?

Still, she'd... waited a long time, hadn't she? Almost five years, if she hadn't bothered with anyone before Cloud. His last memories of actually speaking to her before this place... talking on the phone with her in Nibelheim, promising to come see her-he'd been away for her birthday, hadn't he?-and her saying she'd be waiting. And instead of going to see her like he promised he would, he disappeared on her without a word and then died. She probably never even knew what happened. Probably thought he just disappeared, dumped her, and left to find better things than her.

So, why, too, did the idea of her thinking of him like that upset him?

How could he be so attached to someone that he couldn't let go, but they could? How? Why?

But, what could he say? She had every right to move on and not wait, despite Zack's wishing otherwise. Yes, the world had continued to turn while his life had been frozen still. Twenty-three now, but still really only able to know the world from a nineteen-year-old's perspective. What could he say to either of his friends that he really had any right to say? Even if Cloud had known Aerith's relationship to Zack, why was he so mad at the thought of something happening between them when he himself was dead? Hadn't he thought he hoped Cloud would find Aerith? Oh, but in the end Cloud really wasn't able to do that, and a romance was no real substitution for protection. And goddamnit, what about Tifa? What the hell had happened there? Cloud hadn't been able to spit it up at their talk at the inn, but Zack wasn't stupid. Zack didn't entirely miss Cloud's shyness and awkwardness of being around the mayor's daughter again; or even, in retrospect, Tifa's hope to see the other in Nibelheim when SOLDIER arrived. Cloud had been in the same time warp Zack had been, there was no way his feelings could have changed so suddenly, ri-

-shit. Was it Cloud's mixing of memories that had done it? Ruined that chance for Tifa? Made the mess that Sephiroth had been so sickeningly delighted to retell to his once lieutenant. Not to mention the first one to tell him. Had this been one of those things Aerith had said she so badly wanted to talk to him about, but never had? He never even noticed, she never even gave so much of a hint of having another relationship after him in the time he'd spent with her in Nuadoria. Not that anything had happened. They hadn't even addressed it. It just felt like something you'd probably want to tell your ex-boyfriend, you know, just in case he was thinking otherwise.

[existenta]

So, maybe in the end, this truly was his fault. Something he should have expected, something that life just unfortunately had to tell him. He was so sorry, and he'd never be able to tell them how sorry he was for feeling this way. He wanted to be happy she'd not been completely miserable up until her death. He wanted to be happy that Cloud had found some confidence and solstice in the flower girl that Zack had been as privileged to receive through his ups and downs. After Angeal, she'd been the only one he could turn to. The only person he'd wanted to turn to.

And now that this had happened, the only one who could have helped him was Angeal; some who wasn't there. Someone he right now wanted to be there more than anything. Angeal, too, had abandoned him in favor of Genesis, but it was different. Angeal's hand had always been lying face up on the table. And while Zack couldn't always read it, always decipher where the older man was going next, it was there for him to see if he looked hard enough. But Aerith and Cloud?

Both supports were gone here in Nuadoria. One support completely absent, the other not the same support he'd come to take for granted. He didn't doubt she'd always be willing to be a shoulder to cry on, but it wasn't the same. It just wasn't the same, knowing what was potentially - probably - going on. Zack had never really considered it through their dating years, too busy with his 'career', but he probably had loved her. Of course, Zack had seen his fair share of girlfriends come and go, was always easily able to attract female attention, but none of it stacked even halfway to what Aerith had meant to him. He was pretty sure now that he had not meant the same to her that she had meant to him. Yes, he'd probably really loved her and that was what made this so hard to take in, even though he knew it was selfish.

Maybe that was why he was perched up on the top of a pew against one of the support poles, knees pulled up tight to his chest and head bowed to touch them. Thinking. Resting. Concerned and undecided. He could never honestly say no to Aerith, so that was why he'd agreed to see her. He honestly didn't want to make her upset, despite how he was feeling, which was another reason why he had hoped she wouldn't want to come. Alas, that was not the case. Was her even being here before real? Maybe it was a dream. A sick, fanciful dream that everyone else saw, too. Then, was it really her, now, he wondered? He'd find out, he supposed, as her voice fluttered through the church.

He lifted his head, glancing up just enough to peek over his knees towards the source of the voice. It looked like her and sounded like her, but that wasn't much proof in a place like this. So he untangled himself from his position, sliding off the pew and to his feet. Zack remained silent only until he was close enough to be viewable in the dim lighting of the church from the alter. A mental deep breath. He could do this. He could make this reunion a good one despite, couldn't he? Even if he had to fake happiness all the way through. And as long as she was happy, he honestly couldn't find it in himself to turn away from her and fault her. She deserved that much, at least: whatever or whoever it was that made her happy.

"Hey, it's okay," he said quietly, before adding with a small smile, "I'm here."

He'd just hoped that it would have been him.

[sealsevil]

Oh, his voice was something that she had missed. And despite not having heard it for nearly five years, she could clearly recall the way he had sounded during their last phone call to one another, and hearing that same voice again had her stunned. Making a noise that was half choked gasp and half squeak of surprise, Aerith could only stare over at him for quite some time. She had just been bleeding, so everything that was happening was real. Wasn't it? That was the part that she didn't know for sure, but she couldn't allow herself to waste too much time dwelling over the concept of fantasy and reality. What did it matter, if it was all just a dream? She was getting to see Zack again, getting to hear him, and getting to be close to him. Wasn't that enough?

And it wasn't until she released a breath she hadn't been aware she was holding that she pushed herself forward, and propelled her body into his. "Zack!" She cried out his name, her arms wrapping around him as tight as they possibly could. She pulled him in close, and took in the scent of him. It was different than what she could remember, but the years hadn't dimmed the memory. It really was him, and knowing that was more than enough to make the flower girl cry.

"I thought that-"

No, that wasn't the right thing to say.

"I had hoped-"

No, that wasn't either. She was trying to think of something positive, but no matter what she attempted to convey, her tone came out far too sad, and the words just weren't right for the occasion. She needed something happy.

"Zack..."

Alright, so maybe words weren't going to be her forte at the moment. They'd come to her, once the shock had worn off. Her arms loosened their hold on him so she could clench her fingers in his shirt, and she held herself in place tightly as she pressed her face into his chest in order to wipe away the tears that were freely streaming down her face. "I didn't think I'd ever get to see you again. I waited. So long. But I never heard back from you. I didn't want to believe that you were dead. I refused to believe it." She admitted, her words rushed and muffled by the fabric of his shirt.

Lifting her head, she rested her chin upon his chest and peered up at him, her green eyes swollen with tears and redness. "I was supposed to go to you, and find you. I was going to be with you again, in the Lifestream. But I couldn't get there, I ended up here instead." She pulled away from him then, and bowed her head. She was a mixture of ashamed for her emotional outburst and terrified that everything was only a dream. Her hands nervously grasped hold of one another and were brought in close to her chest, and she stared at them as tears dripped from her face and onto her knuckles.

[sealsevil]

"Zack? Is this all only a dream? Or are we in the Lifestream? I don't want any of this to be just pretend. I wanted the moment we saw each other again to be real. I wanted you to be proud of me." And it was with that admission that she realized that she had accepted his death, by wanting him to be watching over her from the Lifestream. It was with guilt that she took a step back, and looked up at him with a deep frown and nothing but sorrow in her eyes. "I...I'm sorry."

What exactly she was sorry for, she couldn't say. Was she sorry that she had eventually stopped waiting for him to return to her? Was she apologizing for the fact that she had taken on Cloud as her bodyguard in his absence? Or was she simply asking for forgiveness for her being unable to make it to him in peace, so they could be together once again? He had been her first love, and quite honestly her only love. No matter what feelings had developed for Cloud during their time traveling and fighting together, the frenzied and dangerous time together they had spent left hardly any room for socializing, let alone romance. And she hadn't ever really received closure for her first boyfriend, the first SOLDIER that she had helped within the walls of the church. It was hard to move forward in life when one was stuck in the past, and her heart had remained with her seventeen and eighteen year old self. No matter what had happened, she had honestly believed that Zack would return to her. She hadn't lost hope, not even after her trip to his hometown.

"I'm so sorry." She apologized once again, squeezing her eyes shut so that her tears would cease falling. She didn't want their reunion to be ridden with sadness, because they both deserved so much happiness. They had both died as pawns in a game that was far larger than either of them could ever fully understand, and even now she doubted that they would ever grasp the concept of the purpose their roles played in the grand scheme of what had happened.

"I wanted us to be happy." She revealed in a small voice, one that she would have used as a child. "We deserve that much. After everything. But I'm not sure if any of this is even real. I want it to be so badly that I can taste it." She turned away from him, so she could wipe at her eyes, before spinning back around to look at him once again. "I can remember everything. Our last everything. And I don't want you to remember me this way. So I really should stop crying now, shouldn't I?" Her head tipped to the side as her hands moved to clasp behind her back, and she gave a little rock forward.

"This is the perfect place for us to meet again, isn't it?" She questioned, forcing a smile on to her face. She was going to be happy, even if she was still confused and unsure of what to make of the situation. She was going to be happy for him.

[existenta]

It wasn't until he saw her initial reaction that it hit him that she really... hadn't seen him since he left for Nibelheim. For whatever reason, whatever happened, maybe it wasn't so much that she didn't remember as much as she'd really never been here. When she finally jumped for him, Zack barely had time to brace himself as he caught her in the hug. It was instinctive, perhaps, that he wrapped his arms around her protectively as she hugged onto him. All the turmoil weighing down his mind made a momentary standstill. She was crying. How could he even entertain the idea of being upset with her or feeling bad for himself when she was plastered to him in such a poor state? Oh, Aerith, what...

He said nothing, one of the few times he had nothing to say-that was twice in such a short amount of time, though, wasn't it-and his heart sank when she started to try and speak. No, no, don't bring this up. Please don't. But, finally the girl managed to latch onto some sentences and there it was. She waited. So long. He left her behind. Dead or not, he still left her behind. Alone. But when she spoke about the Lifestream, about dying, and her intent there, he didn't know whether to feel further guilt or some sort of relief that she'd ended up here, instead. Still nothing came from him, but his eyes narrowed slightly as she pulled away from him, barely hearing her first apology. Wanted him to be proud of her? Why?

Maybe for the same reason he wanted Angeal to have done the same thing for him after he'd died. He wanted to tell her he was proud of her, but he honestly hadn't had the opportunity of being able to watch over her. All she'd done that he wanted to be proud of her for was only heard through the story Tifa had told. When she apologized again, Zack blinked, listening with a more curious look as she went on. From being sorry to wanting them to be happy and to her comment about crying. He shook his head. Once again, he gave her a small smile as the other had disappeared a bit before. His words came out just short of being cut of by a small laugh in toast to irony. "Why are you sorry? I'm the one who should be sorry." I'm sorry. Sorry I never spent enough time with you. Sorry I put my work before our relationship. Sorry I went to Nibelheim. Sorry I never got back to you. Sorry I broke my promise. Sorry I left you alone. Sorry I can't stand the idea you moved on with Cloud even though I wanted nothing more than you to both be happy. Sorry I'm letting the words of the psychotic remnant of a man I once respected ruin this. Sorry I'm really so goddamn selfish.

There was plenty to be sorry about, wasn't there.

"But, yeah, you're right," he continued, holding the smile like he really meant it. Because, underneath all the uneasy, scrambled doubts, thoughts, and emotions Sephiroth had helped place there, he knew he really did. Deep down, he was so happy to see her, to hug onto her, and hear her voice that he almost felt some sort of hope that he could repair this relationship like he had back when he first got to Nuadoria. "Because tears really don't suite you." Zack only wished he had the confidence to actually approach her now that they were apart to help her wipe the rest of them away. But, he didn't, so he remained where he was, hoping she could come around herself. She was strong and resilient and she didn't disappoint him.

When Aerith changed the subject to talk concerning the location, the ex-SOLDIER finally glanced off from the form of the girl. Perfect? Well, yeah, he'd thought so, too. "Almost reminds you of home, right? No hole in the roof, though... And..." he trailed off with a small childishly disappointed sigh, shifting his gaze down and across the pews of the church. "Something's missing, don't you think?"

[sealsevil]

"Well," Aerith began, hands clasped behind her back as she walked in a circle around him. "I think that flowers here in the middle of this church wouldn't be right. It's isn't the same, is it?" She questioned, stopping in her motions as she stood behind him. Her head tipped off to the side just slightly, and she reached up to push one of the ringlet curls that made up her bangs out of her face. "Maybe outside would be better." She genuinely smiled then, and gave out a laugh. She tiptoed over to stand before him once again, a finger raised into the air. "More sunlight that way." Still smiling, she looked up at him and felt that she needed to continue talking. To ease the guilt on both of their parts, to fill in any awkward silences, to relieve the odd tension that was between them. It was strange, to be this close to Zack, and not be sure of what to say. It didn't feel right, which only made the flower girl feel more guilty. So instead of apologizing further, she simply kept talking. It wouldn't seem too out of character for her to prattle on a bit, since she had been a talkative little thing when she and Zack had been together.

"You said you were staying here, didn't you? You really can't keep sleeping here, you know. You'll have to take me to that house you told me about. And stay there." Her little smile turned into an all out grin, and she reached out to lightly poke at his stomach. "No arguing, either. It wouldn't be that bad of a thing, to share a house." It couldn't hurt things between them, at least. Something was off, and Aerith wasn't entirely sure how to repair that and make it go back to the way things were. But she supposed that was her problem entirely. Things had changed so much over the past five years that they couldn't ever go back exactly. The way things were was only a memory, was only something she was supposed to treasure. Maybe it was time to start over, get a fresh chance. No, she wouldn't look back. She could only really look forward.

"Actually, I think I'd like to start a garden somewhere here. Not only flowers. But vegetables and fruit too. All kinds of things!" She decided on a whim, figuring it would be a good hobby and something productive to do, if she was going to be spending a great deal of time in Nuadoria. "You could help me, maybe? We could build more flower carts." She snickered softly, hiding her amused grin from behind the back of her hand. "I'll be more help this time, though, I promise."

Her mind went over the time they had spent together making those carts, and how she had seemed to be a bit ungrateful in the way she had criticized them for not being cute. It was something she had regretted doing, something she hadn't ever thought she would be able to make right. But now she had the chance, didn't she? It was an interesting thing, to be able to have a second chance to do things with Zack. She was unsure if he wanted to go back to the way things were, however, the way she remembered them being. It was nice to have had someone so close, someone she truly admired. She was putting off asking him how he felt about her living in the same house as him, however, simply because she didn't want to make things feel more awkward or distant. She didn't want to scare him off, most certainly, and so she kept the conversation on something simple and neutral. Like flowers. They were her passion, so she assumed he wouldn't really mind helping her out with starting a new garden in Nuadoria.

[existenta]

It was amazing to him how she was keeping him mostly at a loss for words in a completely different manner than the ex-First. And while Sephiroth's words had been like knives to his vocal chords, Aerith's were trying to heal them, but in the end only were making the wounds sting more in the process. But, she was trying, and Zack couldn't fault her for that. She didn't understand and she certainly didn't know even a fraction of what he'd been through. This wasn't her fault, he kept telling himself. She didn't know. She just didn't know.

And he wasn't sure he was ever going to willingly let her know, either.

"It hasn't been so bad here," Zack admitted, looking around again. The pews were not beds, but he'd slept on worse. Besides, he was always out and about so much lately, anyway, it wasn't that big of a deal to him to just flop anywhere and pass out for sleep. But, he wouldn't argue with her over going back to the house if that's what she wanted. He just hoped she wasn't doing this out of some sort of sympathy. "People come around here pretty often, so I'm not alone or anything."

A garden did sound like a good distraction, but he blinked when she mentioned the flower carts, before laughing a bit nervously. Oh, that had been such a pain when they had access to the materials. He could only imagine what it'd be like now. And to make it cute? It'd be a feat. But nevertheless, he replied, "Of course I'll help." She was a hard one to please when it came to aesthetics, but he hadn't minded. With actually spending so little time with her, it was the least he could have done. And honestly, regardless of her pickiness, he'd had a good time. It was something he'd remembered, something he could hold onto. And to hear that her flower selling had been successful in the letter he had would have been comforting if he hadn't been so caught up on the fact she was pretty much dumping him in it. Making flower carts would be yet another good opportunity to keep his mind from settling back on Sephiroth's words while he was around her. If he was going to be around Aerith, he wanted to be able to at least enjoy the company as much as he could. It'd be a good reminder of home, too, and-

"-Hey," he said suddenly, looking at her a bit more closely and this time he would close the distance and reach to take her wrist before she lowered her hand from her mouth. It was a gentle action, but firm in its intent, and he would pull her a bit closer so he could look at her hand, fingers actually, and her thumb in particular. "You okay?" The cut wasn't really much of anything, but he'd noticed it and that was enough, especially when silence was going to settle in between them. It was then that his eyes shifted down, maybe to make sure she wasn't hurt more seriously elsewhere, or because he just didn't have the will to look her in the eye yet with her being this close. Either way, he'd notice her lack of footwear and while still looking down, he'd ask "And what happened to your shoes? ...You walked here barefoot...?" He was a little bit concerned since it wasn't something he or anyone else would recommend here, but it was more surprise and curiosity than anything.