(no subject)
I havent drawn in a while, like REALLY drew something and took time with it and used my trained eye to observe and express it. I'm taking a figure drawing class (finally) and after being semi bummed out about what I'm ganna do with myself and worrying about whether or not I really had talent I had a reminder.
The first two weeks of class (today was the third week) I was really apprehensive about drawing in front of this teacher. Usually, it takes me a while to get used to an art teacher especially if they're going to be critiquing my stuff. The first thing he did when we started drawing was look at my stuff and announce to the class not to do it this way. Me, I was pretty pissed off. I mean, it's one thing to draw on my shit but tell the entire world my mistake? Ugh! So anyway, I let it go later because hey, he's a teacher, whatever. That's what he's there for. Generally, I've been kind of drawing with a bad attitude. I mean, I've just been feeling like I wasn't good enough for this career that I've chosen. I don't draw everyday, I haven't really delved into the art community, I haven't really looked into other artists or their artwork to find a style ( besides monet, van gogh, and dahli ). I realize I need to do this things to enhance my experience and my artwork but I don't do them! Anyway, today I was drawing and I don't know what it was, but I just decided that I would try. Maybe it was the conversation I had with the girl siting next to me. Voicing your opinion really confirms your thinking on something. So anyway, I said to myself, Self, you've been drawing forever, this is nothing new to you, just do what you do and be happy that you can do it. So I started. And I just stopped thinking, I stopped worrying about who was ganna judge my stuff, what the teacher was ganna say about it, and just concentrated. I was working on this one pose over and over and something was wrong with it and I just couldn't quite get it to work. And after looking and looking, I finally adjusted something and it was PERFECT. It was the same feeling that peopel who really, really (really) love math get when they solve a problem/equation they'd been working on that just didn't seem to work and they FINALLY got an answer for it. The same feeling that someone who LOVES to play music gets when they finally get the right pitch, note, verse for a song they'd been thinking of.
I just felt so elated, ecastatic, COMPLETE. Despite my lack of involvement in the art community at the moment, I think i can honestly say that drawing is an essential part of my life. It just makes me so incredibly happy.
:)