it's hard
Wow...I don't even know where to start. I have definitely lost it this last week. I have made it to one class all week, this morning. I don't even remember the days before this one. It was all a blur. I think. I barely remember counseling on Tuesday. My inside is upside down. Still. I saw that my last entry was about something going on inside, and that feeling has intensified. Very much so. But yet, I personally feel incredibly happy. I was jumping around, and so many happy things happened. I sent my deposit in for the apartment, I move in June 1st. I'm living with Dan the last 3 weeks of May until then. I got my tax refund back. I got a CD that I have been wanting. I cleaned and organized my stuff. Everything should be fine, but it's not. It's definitely not okay. If I can get Lisa to stay away from me, then I feel motivated and wonderful, but if she is near me watching....I feel immobile. I have so much more to write at the moment, but Survivor is on in 8 minutes and I need to smoke first. I'll write more if I can get up the words to be able to explain to myself what is going on. I'm sooooo happy. Why can't I express it?
Maybe it has nothing to do with the inside and it's just stress for the huge paper I have due tomorrow in Christian Theology..
and maybe it's inside.
Maybe it has nothing to do with the inside and it's just stress for the huge paper I have due tomorrow in Christian Theology..
and maybe it's inside.