Five Ways to Ruin a Fanfiction Quickly
In the examples, I will be using the two mangas I’m well versed in - Naruto and Bleach.
1.) Bashing a character: I know it’s tempting to completely disregard canon and write a character how you perceive it, no matter how idiotic brilliant your ideas might be - but seriously. Don’t. When you do this, the story degenerates into meaningless drivel and is completely not worth the time and effort wasted on reading it. Canon is there for a reason, a guideline for us writers to base a character off of, so disregarding this is not a wise idea. You ruin the entire feel of the story from the get go, and people won’t respond well. I cannot stress enough how important it is to keep characters IC if you plan on writing a good story. Changing characters to fit your usually completely wrong impression of them is the stupidest mistake, and one I sadly see repeated over and over again.
Example one: Writing Hinata as a secret badass who plans on kicking Sakura’s ass for her “mistreatment” of Naruto.
Theory foiled: In canon, Hinata is a meek character with no ill intentions towards anyone. This is proven again and again in the few parts she shows up in. For example, when Sakura hugged Naruto in front of Hinata, what was her reaction? Did she immediately jump on the offensive and falcon punch Sakura into an alternate dimension? (I won’t even get started on the thousands of ways this is wrong. Hinata couldn’t beat Sakura, plain and simple. If you don’t believe me, read the stats on both kunoichi. Sakura
Hinata) No, she smiles and sits on the sidelines. Seriously people, lrn2read.
Example two: Writing Hinamori Momo as a deranged lunatic who murders anyone who speaks ill of Aizen, including her friends.
Theory foiled: Yes, it’s true that after Aizen’s initial betrayal, she went batshit for a while and was forced out of commission. After a little while though, she goes back on the front lines as the same sweet, loyal, friendly girl she has been portrayed as through the entire manga. She jumps in desperate situations to help her friends, and loves them all dearly. So where is the logic behind the theory that she’s a lunatic? That’s what I thought. There is none. Shut up and stop writing, you insipid bitch.
Example three: Writing Sasuke as a character who despises Sakura with every fiber of his being.
Theory foiled: Okay, you don’t like Sakura. We get it already. But that doesn’t mean you can change the characters to fit your personal tastes. When your brain fails, resort to reading the manga. gaspshockhorror Sasuke has never showed any animosity towards Sakura. He admired certain things about her (Y HALO THAR CHAKRA CONTROL), he thanked her, he relied on her to support him, and he trusted her with his life when they were on missions. What part of that insinuates that beneath the surface, he loathes her like God loathes Satan? Sure, he’s said she was annoying and probably meant it - but who hasn’t Sasuke called annoying?
2.) Using character quirks to make the character seem more IC: Just because a character does something a few times throughout the manga doesn’t mean you can abuse that quirk. If a character curses frequently, do not write every other word as a curse word. Seriously, this only means that your character perception is way off and that you’re a complete idiot with a limited vocabulary.
Example one: People who write Deidara seem to think that if he doesn’t say “un” or “yeah” after each and every sentence, he’s out of character.
Theory foiled: While it’s true that he does say it quite often, he doesn’t say it every time he speaks. He’s actually capable of saying a sentence without it coming out as “So un I fought the un kyuubi jinchuuriki un un un and his teacher un and got my arm ripped off un, also yeah." Unlike the majority of the writers out there, he’s actually smart.
Example two: Oh lawdy, Hidan. Yes, he curses a lot but his sentences aren’t anything like, “seriously, that son of a bitch motherfucking shitcunt asswipe Kakuzu is such an asshole that I just want to rip his dicking motherfucking head right off his sonofabitch shoulders.”
Example three: And this one annoys me to no end. People who write Sai seem to be under the impression that all he ever thinks about is penises. His every line in most stories is something to do with Naruto’s penis, because LAWL IT R SO FUNNY. It was when he did it the few times in the manga, but when retards like most of the authors out there abuse it, it quickly becomes unfunny.
Theory foiled: Sai has made fun of Naruto’s penis a total of four times throughout the entire manga. This is fact here, people. Sai actually has other thoughts and more important things to worry about than penises. If you can’t think of anything better for Sai to be thinking about, then maybe being an author isn’t for you.
3.) Using outside “media” as a basis for your wank: And by this, I mean assuming everything you read online is true. I cannot count how many stories I’ve read that quote some crackpot “interview” and think that if it’s said online, it must be true. Here’s some friendly advice: if it hasn’t happen in the manga and doesn’t seem likely to happen in the manga, don’t try spouting your bullshit off and claiming it as fact.
Example one: Oh hell. The infamous “interview” with Mashashi Kishimoto that claims he is a supporter of the yaoi pairing SasuNaru, and that he plans on ending the series with the two hooking up.
Theory foiled: This interview was proven to be fake and written by a rabid SasuNaru fangirl who has nothing better to do with her time. The relationship between Sasuke and Naruto is platonic, and the two have no romantic interest in one another whatsoever. The one time they kissed, they nearly shit themselves out of disgust, not to mention it was a complete accident. The two have never hinted at being in love with each other, and most likely never will. Sorry to burst your bubble, fangirls. Actually, no I’m not. Feels good, man. The two are not gay, there is no evidence in the manga to support the belief that they are, so stop claiming this pairing as canon. It’s not. First and foremost, Naruto is a shōnen manga, why would Masashi add gay elements in a division where it would be criticized and rejected by anyone who isn’t a rabid fangirl? Masashi isn’t writing this manga for the fangirls, he’s writing it for the people who take an interest in it for reasons other than pairing wank.
Example two: Another “interview” with Kubo Tite read: crackhead fangirl states that Kubo supports ByaRuki and that it’s the only pairing he plans on pursuing in the manga.
Theory foiled: Where have we ever seen anything that implies Byakuya and Rukia could even be a possibility? Sure, he goes out of his way to protect her, but that’s most likely because he… you know… promised his dead wife he would. From what we’ve seen in the manga, he cherishes the memory of his wife and to start a relationship with someone who looks just like her and is her younger sibling would just be… well… awkward. Byakuya acts out of a sense of duty - he has never once even implied a romantic interest in his little sister.
4.) Throwing a pairing together from the leftovers of another pairing you support: So, you like a certain two characters together. But there are other characters who could be possibly romantically linked to the characters you’re writing about. Logically, you should throw those who could possibly interfere with your pairing into an entirely separate pairing, right? WRONG. You don’t just throw two characters together to get them out of the way, or it cheapens your whole story.
Example one: Okay, so the author like Naruto and Sakura together - so the smart move would be to throw Sasuke and Hinata into a relationship OUT OF NOWHERE and avoid drama. No, you’re dead wrong. This isn’t smart at all.
Theory foiled: Sasuke and Hinata have never even been seen speaking to one another. Why, for the love of all that is Holy, would those two get together? Nothing in their personalities is compatible, nothing in canon supports any evidence that the two could be romantically linked. So you’re basically building a relationship out of nothing. I can imagine a conversation between the two now:
Sasuke: Hinata. Why am I even in Konoha? Last I remembered, it was my fondest wish to destroy this place.
Hinata: I… I’m not sure, Sasuke-kun. *stares longingly at Naruto, completely ignoring the conversation at hand*
Sasuke: Hn. Also, hn.
Hinata: *blushes, still staring at Naruto*
Thrilling, amirite?!
5.) For the love of crap, check your spelling and format: I get it, not everyone can spell. But everyone has access to a word processor and if that fails, there are literally thousands of people who are willing to beta read for you. Hell, I would even beta for you if it saves from having to melt everyone’s brain with atrocious spelling. Another thing, everyone has the capability of writing a summary, so pulling an excuse like “LOL SORRY GUISE I SUCK AT SUMMARIES” is just noob-code for “I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO WRITE. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I POSTED. I NEED ATTENTION AND SYMPATHY. GIVE IT TO ME. ALSO I’M LAZY AND DON’T WANT TO THINK TOO HARD, SO MY STORY WILL MOST LIKELY SUCK. DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS” And finally, don’t beg for reviews. No one can stand that, especially when you try to blackmail them. “I won’t write another chapter until I get at least 200 reviews!” No one cares. There are a billion others stories people can read, so why should we stop for one attention whore?
