Instead of rewriting it, I figured I'd just paste the email
Hey ---,
I know, I took a while to write this email. I would say I have been busy but thats a lie. Truth is, I haven't been too mindful of much lately. I wish I could write with a happy attitude and not feel like I am pouting to you, but I guess things haven't been as great as they could.
By that I mean two things, which are really all I consider important in life (aside from food, sleep, etc.) Those are relationships and me and Jesus. This is the first time I've said something...to anyone which includes myself. From reading these two books Blue Like Jazz and Searching For God Knows What (great books btw) I came to realize how non-relational my faith was. I was seeking after all these ideas, these "truths", and philosophy. But what Christianity teaches, hell, is nothing more than stories about Jesus, God, God with the Jews, God with gentiles, and so on. I've never seen it before. Its always been ignored. I remember feeling so alone when folks at Mike Paasch's house talked about Christianity being a relationship with Christ, alone because no one explained it. There were alot of piffy comments like "I could read a book about this guy, but I wouldn't know him unless..." But I can't make that connection to Jesus. At the time I kinda laughed at the idea, because how else do we know Christ except through scripture?
So how do we have a relationship with him? I have no idea. I mean, I believe that he died for my sins, rose in three days, and that covers me. But what about this idea that we can "know Christ." I want to, because my religion isn't holding up. I know I cannot have facts for it, I know that. So I choose to believe in it all. When all is said and done, thats what we do. Choose to believe. But I am tired of looking at the world with this idea of "Christians are right; you're all wrong." I want to "Know Christ." I want to tell others about Jesus, not theology. And I have had those moments already. I've figured out that I may not be a preacher, or at least not a big evangelist talking to people on the streets. And I think thats ok. But what God seems to done in my life is create relationships that are unique, I think. Realizing I tend to put folks at ease, at least some in my life, perhaps I've been setting my sights at something not even there. Why do I beat myself up for not walking up to people and saying "do you know Jesus?" When I sit across from a friend and openly say "my religion has failed, but knowing Jesus has become my aim." Perhaps this is what Paul meant by saying "there is one body but many members."
Back to the lingering question, how do I have this relationship with Christ, if its not by "reading a book about him but by knowing him..." because if thats true, then sign me up; I'll quickly jump on board with that. Hell, I don't really even need alot of proof to believe, it makes sense to me and I'll take my chances in the afterlife.
I guess a preview of other honest questions, how can I evangelize (that is tell others about Jesus) when I have my own doubts? Sometimes I almost say "yeah...you might be right about that..."
Well -----, sorry for the rambling. I have no concept of a concious stream of thought. :-D
Adam
I know, I took a while to write this email. I would say I have been busy but thats a lie. Truth is, I haven't been too mindful of much lately. I wish I could write with a happy attitude and not feel like I am pouting to you, but I guess things haven't been as great as they could.
By that I mean two things, which are really all I consider important in life (aside from food, sleep, etc.) Those are relationships and me and Jesus. This is the first time I've said something...to anyone which includes myself. From reading these two books Blue Like Jazz and Searching For God Knows What (great books btw) I came to realize how non-relational my faith was. I was seeking after all these ideas, these "truths", and philosophy. But what Christianity teaches, hell, is nothing more than stories about Jesus, God, God with the Jews, God with gentiles, and so on. I've never seen it before. Its always been ignored. I remember feeling so alone when folks at Mike Paasch's house talked about Christianity being a relationship with Christ, alone because no one explained it. There were alot of piffy comments like "I could read a book about this guy, but I wouldn't know him unless..." But I can't make that connection to Jesus. At the time I kinda laughed at the idea, because how else do we know Christ except through scripture?
So how do we have a relationship with him? I have no idea. I mean, I believe that he died for my sins, rose in three days, and that covers me. But what about this idea that we can "know Christ." I want to, because my religion isn't holding up. I know I cannot have facts for it, I know that. So I choose to believe in it all. When all is said and done, thats what we do. Choose to believe. But I am tired of looking at the world with this idea of "Christians are right; you're all wrong." I want to "Know Christ." I want to tell others about Jesus, not theology. And I have had those moments already. I've figured out that I may not be a preacher, or at least not a big evangelist talking to people on the streets. And I think thats ok. But what God seems to done in my life is create relationships that are unique, I think. Realizing I tend to put folks at ease, at least some in my life, perhaps I've been setting my sights at something not even there. Why do I beat myself up for not walking up to people and saying "do you know Jesus?" When I sit across from a friend and openly say "my religion has failed, but knowing Jesus has become my aim." Perhaps this is what Paul meant by saying "there is one body but many members."
Back to the lingering question, how do I have this relationship with Christ, if its not by "reading a book about him but by knowing him..." because if thats true, then sign me up; I'll quickly jump on board with that. Hell, I don't really even need alot of proof to believe, it makes sense to me and I'll take my chances in the afterlife.
I guess a preview of other honest questions, how can I evangelize (that is tell others about Jesus) when I have my own doubts? Sometimes I almost say "yeah...you might be right about that..."
Well -----, sorry for the rambling. I have no concept of a concious stream of thought. :-D
Adam