Chapter V; H U R T T O L O V E
Title: Chapter Five; Hurt to Love - No Armour Left.
Author: Kid Vicious ( abrokenchild ).
Pairing: Carter McKenzie/Linzi Hawkins.
Rating/Warnings: Contains foul language and scenes of a sexual nature.
Characters: Main: Carter/Linzi.
Time Setting: 2007.
Critics: Welcome in comments.
Authors Note and Summary: Fifth installment N.A.L. This is the tempory telling of Carter and Linzi finally getting together. It's here for now merely to get the story moving along and will most probably be worked upon and changed at some point in the near future.
Carter could hear the muffled voices of Alex and Jared laughing as they drank in the living room through her left wall, from her right - where Linzi’s room was situated - there was no noise at all. She lay on her back, arms behind her head and stared at the cracked ceiling.
Linzi had been gone for three days now, coming back only once to pick up a weeks worth of clothes. She would speak to no one but Jared and wouldn’t tell where she was saying, nor would she answer Carter’s calls. A million things ran through Carter’s mind.
Why was this all getting to her so much? Why was Linzi all she could sleep, dream, think, breathe? The thought of her not coming back filled the unattainable with a sadness she was unfamiliar with. She hadn’t felt these feelings before, not for anyone. The closest she had come in the past had been the first few months of knowing the American, but they faded as straight girl crushes usually do.
No, suddenly, this had become something a lot more.
Something Carter wasn’t ready to deal with. And so she would do what she did best.
Dressed in black jeans, a white shirt and black blazer, she didn’t have to do much. She leant against a vacated table at ‘STAIND’, usual beer in hand. No work was required, what she sought would find her. And it did before the performing band - Kohan - were even half way through their first set. It was easy for Carter to kiss the woman, to trail her hands across her body, to fuck her senseless. Easy because she didn’t have to feel, it was just a distraction. She didn’t want to feel, because it was a terrifying prospect to her. But this time, her usual therapy didn’t work. One thing was still on her mind afterwards - Linzi.
Linzi, Linzi, Linzi. It was too much. Too much not to face. She couldn’t be weak, she couldn’t. She had to be a McKenzie, face what scared her and hit it head on. She had to figure out these feelings for her best friend before they destroyed her. For all she knew, they weren’t what she thought. Or at least she hoped they weren’t.
***
The sleeve of her jacket pulled over her knuckles, Carter pressed the buzzer repeatedly, until a tired familiar voice answered.
"Linz? Linz let me up, it's Carter." She yelled at the small grey box. Momentary silence on the other end. "Just let me up dammit Linzi, we need to talk."
"Carter just...just go away. Please." She sounded sad beneath fatigue.
"I don't know what the hell I did to you, Hawkins, but we need to talk. Now."
"Don't call me that, you know I hate it."
"Then let me up."
A click as the door unlocked. She raced up the four flights of stairs to Linzi's American best friend - Colin's - apartment. She hammered on it persistently until it swung forth, revealing the brunette in a mans t-shirt four sizes too big for her. Carter found herself experiancing a twinge of sadness as she wondered who's shirt it was, if it was Colin's, if Linzi was sleeping with him. If she was sleeping with whoever it belonged to. She said nothing, and shoved past the feminine woman, feeling a surge charge through her as their body's brushed against one another.
"Where's Colin?" Carter asked.
"Not here." A simple reply, "How'd you know where to find me?" Linzi leant against the wall of the living room as Carter stood in the center looking around. She watched the short haired woman with a questioning gaze and yet her eyes said she didn't want her there.
"The only person you're closer to than him is me." Carter picked up a photograph of Colin and his dog with a raised eyebrow and set it back on top of the T.V set, finding him a rather odd man. Linzi watched her do this.
"So what'd you want? Could you make it quick? I'm tired." She forced a yawn and covered her mouth with her hand.
"Tell me what the fuck's going on, Linzi. Why'd you leave like that?"
Linz shifted from one foot to the other and crossed her arms over the chest, opting for looking at the carpet rather than Carter.
"Answer me godammit!" Car found herself yelling.
"Don't you fucking dare shout at me. Don't." Linzi spat back.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry." She ran both hands through her short hair and exhaled, interlocking her fingers and keeping her hands on her head. "I just don't know what to do Linz. I'm...I don't know what I am. I'm feeling all this stuff that's new to me and I don't know what to do with it. And then you leave and I don't know why, you won't talk to me. I just, l don't get it. Could you let me in on what the fuck's going on?" She didn't move closer to Linzi, staying at the opposite side of the room to her, she didn't know why.
Linzi scratched the back of her hand, still not looking at Carter, hiding her expression. It was now or never, truth time.
"I deserve an answer, Linzi, so give me one."
"Answer me first." Was the unpredicted reply. "What'd you do before you came here tonight?" Linzi knew the answer, she just wanted to hear it.
Now it was Carter's turn to shift uncomfortably. Here she was, on the edge of admitting her real feelings for the first time in her life, and she'd already screwed it up. "I went out."
"And?" The American prompted.
"I fucked someone." Her tone was blank, her expression the same, though for the first time shame ripped through her.
"Then that's why I left, Carter. Because I know you." She pulled the edge of the shirt further down, as though to cover herself though nothing was showing.
Confused, Carter raised an eyebrow and cocked her head to the side slightly, "But...you've always known me. I've been this way since we met."
"I wasn't in love with you when we met." It was whispered, barely audiable. Carter had to play it several times in her head to understand it - and when she did she felt her heart drop to the pit of her stomach. Through fear, excitement, sorrow, guilt. And that was the moment. That was their moment. The moment where Carter thought about her options, she could give in and love Linzi, or she could resist it and turn her back on what was probably her one oppertunity to be happy. She'd never made a decision as hard as that one in her life.
"Linz....I'm sorry." She walked steadily and slowly across the room, embracing the long haired beauty in a hug, rubbing her back soothingly as Linzi broke down in her arms, crying, mistaking Carter's apology. And then the motion was so simple, so loving, so new to Car.
She leant backwards from the hug and lightly lifted Linzi's chin, using her thumb to wipe the tears spilling from her eyes, and then she kissed her. Softly, tenderly. The opposite to any kiss Carter had before established, but she did it. She kissed her and she lost her heart, she handed it over. As they broke away, their gazes locked.
"I am so in love with you." She whispered against Linzi's lips.
And she wasn't scared anymore. She wasn't. She didn't have to be, because Linzi was her girl and she was the only person Carter was willing to try this with.
This time, Linzi kissed her, leaning up and seperating her lips as their kisses became passionate, frenzied. Carter's hands played at her sides, slipping under the t-shirt and trailing up Linzi's soft skin. Linzi's own hands ran down her back and Carter found herself pinning Linzi against the wall, ripping her own button up shirt from her shoulders, exposing her body, the American following suit and pulled her own shirt over her head. Grabbing the back of her neck, Carter pulled her into another kiss, harder this time as Linzi's hands played with the button on her jeans. They stumbled backwards, falling onto the couch where the punk slipped out of the ripped material. She shifted her head, kissing along Linzi's neck, collarbone, exploring the unfamiliar territory, intoxicated by the woman beneath her. Her hand trailed over Linzi's body, she kissed her forecefully as she entered and Linzi gasped into her mouth. Their bodies moved rhythmically, so easy with one another. Carter herself groaned as Linzi scraped her nails down her back, creating small bursts of heart from friction.
And so went on that night.
Author: Kid Vicious ( abrokenchild ).
Pairing: Carter McKenzie/Linzi Hawkins.
Rating/Warnings: Contains foul language and scenes of a sexual nature.
Characters: Main: Carter/Linzi.
Time Setting: 2007.
Critics: Welcome in comments.
Authors Note and Summary: Fifth installment N.A.L. This is the tempory telling of Carter and Linzi finally getting together. It's here for now merely to get the story moving along and will most probably be worked upon and changed at some point in the near future.
Carter could hear the muffled voices of Alex and Jared laughing as they drank in the living room through her left wall, from her right - where Linzi’s room was situated - there was no noise at all. She lay on her back, arms behind her head and stared at the cracked ceiling.
Linzi had been gone for three days now, coming back only once to pick up a weeks worth of clothes. She would speak to no one but Jared and wouldn’t tell where she was saying, nor would she answer Carter’s calls. A million things ran through Carter’s mind.
Why was this all getting to her so much? Why was Linzi all she could sleep, dream, think, breathe? The thought of her not coming back filled the unattainable with a sadness she was unfamiliar with. She hadn’t felt these feelings before, not for anyone. The closest she had come in the past had been the first few months of knowing the American, but they faded as straight girl crushes usually do.
No, suddenly, this had become something a lot more.
Something Carter wasn’t ready to deal with. And so she would do what she did best.
Dressed in black jeans, a white shirt and black blazer, she didn’t have to do much. She leant against a vacated table at ‘STAIND’, usual beer in hand. No work was required, what she sought would find her. And it did before the performing band - Kohan - were even half way through their first set. It was easy for Carter to kiss the woman, to trail her hands across her body, to fuck her senseless. Easy because she didn’t have to feel, it was just a distraction. She didn’t want to feel, because it was a terrifying prospect to her. But this time, her usual therapy didn’t work. One thing was still on her mind afterwards - Linzi.
Linzi, Linzi, Linzi. It was too much. Too much not to face. She couldn’t be weak, she couldn’t. She had to be a McKenzie, face what scared her and hit it head on. She had to figure out these feelings for her best friend before they destroyed her. For all she knew, they weren’t what she thought. Or at least she hoped they weren’t.
***
The sleeve of her jacket pulled over her knuckles, Carter pressed the buzzer repeatedly, until a tired familiar voice answered.
"Linz? Linz let me up, it's Carter." She yelled at the small grey box. Momentary silence on the other end. "Just let me up dammit Linzi, we need to talk."
"Carter just...just go away. Please." She sounded sad beneath fatigue.
"I don't know what the hell I did to you, Hawkins, but we need to talk. Now."
"Don't call me that, you know I hate it."
"Then let me up."
A click as the door unlocked. She raced up the four flights of stairs to Linzi's American best friend - Colin's - apartment. She hammered on it persistently until it swung forth, revealing the brunette in a mans t-shirt four sizes too big for her. Carter found herself experiancing a twinge of sadness as she wondered who's shirt it was, if it was Colin's, if Linzi was sleeping with him. If she was sleeping with whoever it belonged to. She said nothing, and shoved past the feminine woman, feeling a surge charge through her as their body's brushed against one another.
"Where's Colin?" Carter asked.
"Not here." A simple reply, "How'd you know where to find me?" Linzi leant against the wall of the living room as Carter stood in the center looking around. She watched the short haired woman with a questioning gaze and yet her eyes said she didn't want her there.
"The only person you're closer to than him is me." Carter picked up a photograph of Colin and his dog with a raised eyebrow and set it back on top of the T.V set, finding him a rather odd man. Linzi watched her do this.
"So what'd you want? Could you make it quick? I'm tired." She forced a yawn and covered her mouth with her hand.
"Tell me what the fuck's going on, Linzi. Why'd you leave like that?"
Linz shifted from one foot to the other and crossed her arms over the chest, opting for looking at the carpet rather than Carter.
"Answer me godammit!" Car found herself yelling.
"Don't you fucking dare shout at me. Don't." Linzi spat back.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry." She ran both hands through her short hair and exhaled, interlocking her fingers and keeping her hands on her head. "I just don't know what to do Linz. I'm...I don't know what I am. I'm feeling all this stuff that's new to me and I don't know what to do with it. And then you leave and I don't know why, you won't talk to me. I just, l don't get it. Could you let me in on what the fuck's going on?" She didn't move closer to Linzi, staying at the opposite side of the room to her, she didn't know why.
Linzi scratched the back of her hand, still not looking at Carter, hiding her expression. It was now or never, truth time.
"I deserve an answer, Linzi, so give me one."
"Answer me first." Was the unpredicted reply. "What'd you do before you came here tonight?" Linzi knew the answer, she just wanted to hear it.
Now it was Carter's turn to shift uncomfortably. Here she was, on the edge of admitting her real feelings for the first time in her life, and she'd already screwed it up. "I went out."
"And?" The American prompted.
"I fucked someone." Her tone was blank, her expression the same, though for the first time shame ripped through her.
"Then that's why I left, Carter. Because I know you." She pulled the edge of the shirt further down, as though to cover herself though nothing was showing.
Confused, Carter raised an eyebrow and cocked her head to the side slightly, "But...you've always known me. I've been this way since we met."
"I wasn't in love with you when we met." It was whispered, barely audiable. Carter had to play it several times in her head to understand it - and when she did she felt her heart drop to the pit of her stomach. Through fear, excitement, sorrow, guilt. And that was the moment. That was their moment. The moment where Carter thought about her options, she could give in and love Linzi, or she could resist it and turn her back on what was probably her one oppertunity to be happy. She'd never made a decision as hard as that one in her life.
"Linz....I'm sorry." She walked steadily and slowly across the room, embracing the long haired beauty in a hug, rubbing her back soothingly as Linzi broke down in her arms, crying, mistaking Carter's apology. And then the motion was so simple, so loving, so new to Car.
She leant backwards from the hug and lightly lifted Linzi's chin, using her thumb to wipe the tears spilling from her eyes, and then she kissed her. Softly, tenderly. The opposite to any kiss Carter had before established, but she did it. She kissed her and she lost her heart, she handed it over. As they broke away, their gazes locked.
"I am so in love with you." She whispered against Linzi's lips.
And she wasn't scared anymore. She wasn't. She didn't have to be, because Linzi was her girl and she was the only person Carter was willing to try this with.
This time, Linzi kissed her, leaning up and seperating her lips as their kisses became passionate, frenzied. Carter's hands played at her sides, slipping under the t-shirt and trailing up Linzi's soft skin. Linzi's own hands ran down her back and Carter found herself pinning Linzi against the wall, ripping her own button up shirt from her shoulders, exposing her body, the American following suit and pulled her own shirt over her head. Grabbing the back of her neck, Carter pulled her into another kiss, harder this time as Linzi's hands played with the button on her jeans. They stumbled backwards, falling onto the couch where the punk slipped out of the ripped material. She shifted her head, kissing along Linzi's neck, collarbone, exploring the unfamiliar territory, intoxicated by the woman beneath her. Her hand trailed over Linzi's body, she kissed her forecefully as she entered and Linzi gasped into her mouth. Their bodies moved rhythmically, so easy with one another. Carter herself groaned as Linzi scraped her nails down her back, creating small bursts of heart from friction.
And so went on that night.